5 Steps On How to Stop Being a People Pleaser.

Trying to please everyone seems enjoyable, doesn't it? What exactly could be wrong with wishing to make others happy? A couple things, regrettably.

Being a nice person who is concerned about the wellbeing of others is different from someone who never wants to let anyone down. According to Helen Odessky, a psychotherapist in Chicago and the author of Stop Anxiety from Stopping You, the former individual has positive emotions when assisting others, while the latter experiences negative emotions when they don't. Additionally, people pleasers prioritize others' needs over their own. They worry that if they don't, others won't love them or think highly of them.

It is never a good idea to seek validation from other people in order to feel worthy of yourself. Start small to regain your self-worth, happiness, and life if you're a yes-man or -woman.

1. Define your limits.

It could be beneficial to see boundaries as the external manifestation of self-love. Once you've decided what you're willing to do, gently express your needs to others.

Don't be shocked if some of your connections fade away and your relationships start to shift. It might be simpler to hold the line if you are aware of this beforehand.

"Because you're so accustomed to taking care of other people and their feelings, speaking your actual feelings out loud will initially be frightening. To live a genuine life, nevertheless, will be praised by people who love and support you, according to Keischa Pruden, a registered therapist in Ahoskie, North Carolina.

2. Start out modestly.

Build up your tolerance if you're not used to asking for what you need because it can be frightening. Create a phone alert to remind you to go for a daily 15-minute stroll. Inform your partner that you need to meditate for 30 minutes every weekend. Make a thorough inventory of your task for each week and determine how much time you'll need to complete it all. Then, if something comes up that would cut into that time, just say you're sorry and don't have time this week.

Your self-assurance will eventually increase, and you'll be able to set up healthy limits that safeguard who you are and strengthen your bonds with others.

3. Be fearless.

According to adjunct professor of psychiatry at Stanford University Susan Edelman, M.D., if fear is what's pushing you, consider how grounded your concerns are. What could possibly go wrong if you took some time for yourself? Would your partner leave you if you opted to enroll in an evening karate class? If you can't join them for drinks or volunteer for their causes, do your friends still respect you? Your worries are probably unfounded.

Your relationships will flourish once you start acting on your desires rather than out of fear of what might happen if you don't, even though it might take some time for those close to you to get used to a more aggressive you.

4. Stop pressing.

People-pleasing personalities detest upsetting other people, thus they automatically agree to all requests. The next time someone asks you for a favor, practice saying, "Let me check my calendar and get back to you," in order to break that habit. According to Odessky, this straightforward statement gives you some breathing room to consider if you have the time and energy to assist—and to gather the guts to decline if you don't.

5. Resist the need to follow guilt.

Even if you know you'll be overworked, consider why you want to accept a coworker's request to take on a project for her. Is it your friend that you want to help, or is it the guilt you would feel if you didn't? If guilt is what's driving you, Odessky advises you to decline. In fact, guilt sometimes motivates us to act morally even when we don't want to (call your mother!). However, it is unhealthy if it becomes your main driving force and results in fatigue, burnout, and resentment.