10 Ways to do Absolutely Nothing

10 WAYS TO DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING

Ever wonder how someone can do absolutely nothing and get away with it? Are you one of those persons, but you still don’t realize that what you’re doing equates to nothing? What is this mystery, and how can we define it in words or even put it in a useful format that others can understand and even imitate!

Well, here’s your chance.

We’re going to go into depth on how you can do absolutely nothing. And gain absolutely nothing in the process! It sounds easy, but trust me, it can be a challenge when you don’t know what you’re doing or how to do it. It would help if you had guidance, instruction, guidelines, or even a 1-2-3 diagram to get you there.

When you get the proper instructions and practice them religiously, you, too, can be an expert at doing nothing like millions of others here on planet earth. So without further delay, here we go:

1. Paint By Number Apps. These require a smartphone, tablet, or computer with app capabilities. Also, a degree of technical knowledge is required to download the app and read the app instructions initially. The majority are available free of charge on Google Play or iTunes. I have to admit that “Happy Color” is my favorite, and I’ve probably done over 300 pictures. I’m sure others out there have done a lot more than me, but I am personally proud of my accomplishment when it comes to doing absolutely nothing.

a. Why do I equate this to doing absolutely nothing? Well, there’s no financial gain to it. You can save the pictures and use them on your Solitaire game app. Or, if you’re so inclined, you can use them for wallpaper on your smartphone/tablet. There’s no value to these apps besides using time and maybe calming a frazzled nerve.

2. Crocheting – NOW before anyone gets their panties in a wad and my fellow crochet geeks get the rope ready for a lynching, there is some socially redeemable value to crocheting besides using up time. The viewpoint of crocheting that applies to doing absolutely nothing is that it takes time. And I venture to say that the majority of projects end up in closets in a big black storage bin or in a yard sale where it’s practically given away. (Did you know that if I could charge what I put into a simple blanket at the hourly rate I made before retiring, I would be a multi-millionaire by now!)

a. This is provable by the mass amount of crocheted goods I gave my daughters to pick and choose from during my last visit, which is probably on the floor, in the corner of my daughter’s living room right now. They said they’d give them to the local police station’s homeless stash, which I trust they will – someday.

3. Online Surveys – here we go again with computer stuff. They say you can make money fast and painlessly and without an education! Well, maybe… I know that you can make money (maybe $0.50 here & $5.00 there when you’re lucky). I’ve seen it on my screen. Yes, I did some. Who’s to say that if I stuck with it for a month or so, maybe a year, I could’ve made up to $100.

a. If someone out there has made a substantial income and supported themselves by doing online surveys, please let me know. Otherwise, it’s still a way to do absolutely nothing.

4. Reading – OOPS! I’ve surely stepped on some toes here. I love to read. I’m just bad at it. How, you ask? Easy. I don’t stick to one book at a time. I have bought hundreds of books that I’ve never read. I’ve got library cards that I’ve never used. When I sit down and actually start reading, I have to be undisturbed in the zone. If there’s a TV going in the background, the cats meowing for dinner, or a butterfly flitting outside my window… that’s it. I’ve lost concentration.

a. I do so wish that I had my mother’s aptitude for reading. That woman could read a book a day. During her last years here on this earth, one of my primary caregiver duties was to get her reading material from the local 2nd hand book store (yes, we had them way back when). She loved mysteries. I’d be so proud when I’d get to her apartment with two grocery bags of paperbacks for her only to be crushed when she lovingly went through the books one by one saying, “read it…read it…read it.” I miss you SO much, mom!

5. Mopping the floor. Yes, you read that right. Mopping. As much as the world hates manual labor, and especially thanks to the manufacturing world who continues to try to re-invent the mop so that it is easier than ever to have a clean, shiny floor, it still sucks. It sucks because the damn thing is just going to get dirty again! Whether it’s from the husband with muddy boots, little ones spilling juice, or a cat scattering litter bits from room to room (and no, the mats they make that magically stop the spread of the painful litter bits don’t always work), the floor will get dirty again. And it doesn’t matter if it’s linoleum, wooden, carpet, or tile.

a. Let me back-track for a moment and say that there is a brief respite when you complete the job mentioned above, and you can look across the room with a smile, a bead of sweat rolling down your cheek like a single tear, and congratulate yourself on a job well done. Then the front door opens to a teenager texting and walking simultaneously with no cognition of the tar on the bottom of his Nikes. Damn.

6. Walking. Ok, now I’ve got the fitness addicts’ attention. When you walk with a purpose, that’s not doing absolutely anything. Trips like going to the bathroom, heading to the kitchen for something to eat while binge-watching The Handmaid’s Tale, or walking to the car to head for the movies – that’s not doing ‘absolutely anything.’ That’s life with a purpose! I’m talking about the walking people do when they walk 4-5 miles a day around the block. Sure – you feel better, you strengthen your leg muscles, you have quiet time to yourself or catch-up time if you’re with a partner, and it’s still doing absolutely nothing.

a. I know – I can hear it now: don’t knock it until you’ve tried it; it will extend your life; it helps with high blood pressure & diabetes; etc., etc., etc. So do I listen? Of course not. I’m still overweight with high blood pressure, bad knees, and a propensity to napping during the day and staying up till one or two in the morning watching. OH, sorry! Got to go get the chips before the next episode of “Scott & Bailey” starts! (And kudos to those of you who know the series “Scott & Bailey” without having to Google it. I’m just saying.)

7. Drinking. Alcohol that is. I’m not here to judge. And I’m not talking about the sins of indulgence or true alcoholism. I’m talking about people like myself that occasionally indulge in a beer, a cocktail, or even a cider (Magners/Bulmers, for sure). What good does it do you? How is it beneficial to life overall? Do you get a buzz? Do you like the taste? I hear all the time from someone close to me that it’s disgusting—a waste of money. You’re drinking ALL the time! (I had one two weeks ago.) And it’s because they had previous relationships with heavy drinkers. That’s not me. Yes, it’s a form of doing absolutely nothing.

a. I do like the taste of some alcoholic drinks. I do like a good, cold beer with certain foods. I grew up in a strong German household that loved their beer and ‘iced tea’ as my mother and grandfather used to call it (that’s a story for another time); if I get a buzz, great. If I don’t, fine. It could be doing absolutely nothing, but dammit, I can handle that!

8. Meditation – now we’re getting down to some nitty-gritty do absolutely nothing shit. Who out there meditates? Do you do it daily – weekly – hourly? Does it help? I’m sure there are a lot more non-meditators than meditators out there. And to those that don’t meditate, that’s cool. You’re not wasting time finding your inner self, your inner child, calming yourself from a bad day, or just learning to shut out the world for a 5-minute increment every day. If you do meditate, that’s cool, too. There’s a lot of ways to do it, and I salute them all.

a. And before you ask, yes, I meditate. But I’m a cheating meditator. I find an appropriate YouTube video with a message for the day (depending on my mood) and start it up just before I go to sleep. I’m a believer in subliminal messages though the ones for losing weight have never help me. I love YouTube.

9. Yoga. AHA! (This is for my yoga-loving brother that I love dearly.) What is this, folks? Yoga is spending time in tight clothing, on a mat, with a room full of either gorgeous blondes or bored, overweight business people seeking inner peace? NO! I am not criticizing negatively. I’m reasoning for my purpose why people do it. And I truly love my brother and his devotion to the activity. It has been his greatest ‘do absolutely nothing’ achievement for years now, and it has helped him cope with hardships, challenges, joys, and celebrations.

a. Yoga has been around for centuries – millenniums, I’m sure. So there’s got to be something to it. If it survives the ‘millennials,’ it’ll survive anything for sure.

10. And now, what you’ve all been waiting for… #10. The final way to do absolutely nothing. Are you ready for it? It’s WRITING. Yes, writing is the ultimate way to do absolutely nothing. Why? Because it goes back to #4 in some ways. If you’ve reached this far in my article, then thank you. You’ve sincerely brought tears to my eyes. If you haven’t, then you don’t know what I’m writing down anyway, so for me – I did absolutely nothing. Wait… Did I do absolutely nothing for you? Or for me?

a. For you. Writing is a true form of therapy for me and probably every other writer in the world. We write to express our feelings, our emotions. We write to share thoughts, ideas. We write to produce emotions from our readers – love, anger, fear, curiosity, anxiety, compassion, repulsion, and on and on and on. Did it work?

Have I done absolutely nothing writing this article? No.