What You Need to Do When Your Reader Becomes Your Real-Life Inner Saboteur

What do you do when someone leaves you a comment which makes you feel small?

Okay, so you met a self-defined goal.

You also insured that I will never read

another word you write. There’s no

way I could possibly keep up with

everything you posted, especially

considering most of it is ill considered

and obviously produced in a rush.

I followed you because one article you

wrote was pretty cool. I am un

following and blocking you now.

because you abused my trust by

writing article after article that was

thin in substance and barely

interesting.

— copied verbatim.

It was a shock.

It immediately made me feel small that I was compelled to apologize;

Sorry, that you feel this way.

And what follows next, true to his word — he blocks me after leaving his comment. He had to say it first — he wants to make sure it hurts and that it stings.

It was my first time to experience being blocked on Medium. I have to admit. I want to stay low-key here. I am not here to make enemies.

All I want to do is write.

I read stories, too, not because I want to squeeze every drop I can get from my $5 subscription.

I am not saying $5 is nothing because months when I started, I couldn't even pay the $5 subscription fee.

Because I love reading.

And I want to learn from writers who came first, who have become successful, and how their stories capture their audience.

I also love stories from anyone just starting because I was once new, someone who doubted himself that he could write.

“Like every writer, I started with one story — my first story. ”

I value everyone who follows me, not because I need a fan base. But because whenever someone follows me. I know it is a “tap on the shoulder from a fellow writer.”

Meet your inner saboteur

I am writing this now when a fellow writer comes after you — You are better prepared than I am.

I have finished my writing challenge. It was intense, difficult, but rewarding. My reasons for doing the challenge are personal.

On day 1, I labored, but I set my mind not to quit. There was a voice in my head, the inner critic or the inner saboteur, that tries to make itself heard,

You can’t do it, Who do you think you are? You have nothing to say that is interesting.

The inner saboteur’s voice is familiar because it never goes away. But I have learned to deal with the voice — let it say, what it had to say, and without interrupting it, it will soon get tired, and it will become quiet.

On Facebook, when someone tags me to a “challenge,” like :

post your 10 best black and white photos, or

post anything about the last book you read, but don’t reveal the title of the book

post the last thing you ate, add the color of clothes you wear, and that is your porn star name

I will not do any of it, not because I am a snob or feel above these challenges or everyone else. It is because it usually tells you to tag the next 10 people to do the same challenge.

And I don’t do that.

Even when I did my writing challenge, it was for me. It wasn't to brag. It wasn't to tell someone if I can do it, so can you.

I am not here to preach, I am here to write.

And the few times I would do the Facebook challenges, I would not tag any other friend. It wasn’t to stop the fun.

What if the person I tag will be upset or forced to do it because they feel they must please me?

How did I feel the whole day yesterday?

The writer who left the comment — I gave him power over me.

I allowed him to make me feel small, that I don’t belong here and that I am an impostor.

I didn’t write anything yesterday.

Like many, I have doubts about myself. I read about the impostor syndrome, and research even said, 7 out of 10 feel an “impostor.”

And when it is triggered, it could lead to tragedy.

Some attributed it to the death of Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade — two public figures who did well as a TV personality and as a fashion designer, respectively.

“Why would anyone want to see me again in a movie? — Meryl Streep

“I will not let my inner saboteur win.”

I'm only starting to rebuild my life after my Mom passed in February 2021. I still can't commit to a regular job as there I still days that the only thing I want to do is lie down, cry and grieve.

Writing is my refuge.

And while my goal this month is to become financially independent.

I am here not only to make money.

I am 52, and I have very few years left in me.

I want to be the voice for others.

Now my inner saboteur has a face.

This whole episode taught me that there will always be people who will make you feel small or hurt you.

“you abused my trust”

Because they are hurting too — some of the biggest bullies are fighting their demons too.

In the movie Ratatouille, Chef Gusteau died of a broken heart after a scathing review from food critic Anton Ego.

I don't want to die, not yet. I still have an 82-year-old father to take care of, because that is my Mom’s final request before she died for me to do good to my Dad.

My fellow writer, although he blocked me,

You also insured that I will never read another word you write.

I am unfollowing and blocking you now.

He gave me a gift.

Now I know what my inner saboteur looks like — he gave it a face.

I am here to write and be better at it every day.

And to him I say:

I will not quit.

I will not quit.

I will not quit.

I will not let my inner saboteur win, and I will not let one fellow writer, because to me, even if he thinks less of me as a writer, I consider him to be a kindred spirit.

I cant quit, and I cant die from heartache because of your scathing comment.

I checked him on his social media accounts and even here. He has close to 10,000 followers, and his stories get a lot of views.

I am not your competition.

Again, I am not writing this because I feel I am a victim. I am 52 and believe me, I have been through a lot in life.

My Mom passed away this year, on February 2, 2021, and if I quit now because one writer thinks I don't deserve to be here, I am not honoring what my Mom taught me all her life.

Be strong, life ain't easy.

I am writing this in memory of my Mom, and I can’t be her true copy if I quit now.

Thank you for reading this story. If you are happy with my story, you can leave me a tip, it pays for my internet and let me buy coffee.