Uniquely Me

Everyone wants to fit in and be accepted but sometimes it’s hard. I have been on Earth for quit some time. I know the pressures of trying to fit in; of trying to fit a mold. Even growing up in my family I was different and trying to fit in for instance I have red hair and freckles. Being different from my siblings also contributed to trying to break a mold they created in school. My siblings were trouble makers and older than me so going to the same school after them the teachers assumed I was a trouble maker too. I had to prove I was different while still trying to fit in and this was just elementary school.

Middle school was a little different though because those same siblings started home school while I still went to public school. However I decided to cut my hair super short and got made fun of for looking like a boy with my baggy, hand me down clothes. So once again I was forced to try and fit in, I got a new wardrobe and my “figure” came in but I still had short hair. I stayed to myself most of the time. I had friends but was still trying to figure out who I was like most people do.

High school is a whole different story. Once again I had no reputation of my older siblings to live up too so I was free to just be me. High school being high school though it came with a lot of drama. I started by just being me. The silly, quirky, out going person I really wanted to be. Then I got tangled up in the so called “it” crowd, later on I realized they were using me as a pawn. At the time though I was content with trying to fit in, I wore certain clothes and did my hair a certain way and even started wearing make-up, which I normally didn’t do. I was uncomfortable and tired of trying to watch what I said, got tired of not being able to make jokes or talk about the tv shows I watched. Then I found them, my people so to speak. I lost the so called friends I thought I made but had new friends, better friends. These new friends were like me. They too were silly, crazy, funny and unique. We got weird looks and got made fun of but we just ignored them. We decided not fitting in was fitting in to us. It wasn’t until my senior year did I realize who I was and who I wanted to be.

I always liked watching performances like live theatre and I even liked performing. In high school, my senior year, I joined the drama club and found joy in it. The rush of the performance and the thrill of applause yet I still felt like something was missing. We performed for the school and even got invited to go to a state competition. It was so much fun! While there I found something else that peaked my interest, I found screenplay. There were several classes we could take while at the state competition and I happened to walk into one that was discussing screenplay. I was intrigued from the beginning. Every aspect of writing drew me in from the characters to the plots. It was then I decided that’s who I wanted to be, a writer. When we got back from state we started performing more and I even wrote my first piece which we wound up performing at the end of the year. It felt great but life has a way of changing plans when you least expect it to.

I started college and was going to start writing classes. Then someone who I thought cared about me told me my writing wasn’t good enough. They told me I should give it up and do something else. They told me to be practical and choose an actual career. So I did. I joined the nursing program and was on my way to becoming a nurse. I pushed aside my silly and outspoken ways. I was happy that I was going to be able to help people. Then I had another unexpected life change, a happy one, a better one. I had a child. This child of mine brought back joy to my life that I thought was gone. She brought the silliness back out of me. Best of all she got me writing again. Kids stories or stories of our adventures but I was writing again. I was finding my happiness and myself again. So I wrote and got the courage to enter a writing contest, I didn’t win but got so much positive feedback that I kept writing.

Finding my unique self through writing is my moment and the way I choose to define myself.