Trapped

I never had a fear of being trapped or small spaces until I found myself trapped in a small space.

Not in the typical sense of being trapped physically; although I imagine being trapped in a physical sense would be a nightmare.

I feel trapped within myself, unable to navigate my feelings and what I need.

I feel as though there is a part of me stuck inside my chest, trapped in a glass cage banging on the walls trying to get out.

My emotions when pushed aside and misunderstood grow and swell inside me. They feel too big for the cage inside, the more they grow the more they push back against myself.

I want to unleash it all and be free of it. But I can't I have to remain in control and reasonable, I can't break down and I can't scream out so I go on.

Banging against the walls inside my chest, desperate to let it crack and pour out.

It grows and grows and I'm sure my chest will burst open before too long, there's only so much pressure it can take.

Tears sliding down my cheeks bringing brief relief and that banging pauses as the pressure eases.

It builds back up again and again and I bang and I bang.. a comment that hurts is the final blow that bursts the cage open and it breaks and I break.

Broken but free from the walls, free from the pressure.

Free to mend the broken parts if I choose.

Free to have a choice.

Freedom or not being free can manifest in more than one way. Above is a personal experience of feeling trapped emotionally. Some people feel trapped mentally, I know having some mental illnesses often leads to feeling trapped. Then of course there is being trapped physically. The people of Ukraine must feel trapped, perhaps even in every sense of the word.

I never realised how much I had taken my freedom for granted.

The freedom of speech, the freedom to have a career I choose, the freedom to dress how I want, the freedom to pick a religion or not, the freedom to date who I want or be alone, the freedom to have kids, the freedom to live in peace.

Some religions and/or nationalities already have different views on some of these freedoms. Here in Australia I have the freedom to be anything and do anything.

The one freedom that every one deserves is a safe home, to not have their space invaded and their neighbours murdered. I could never imagine having my home taken away and being forced to run and be a refugee in another country.

I’m sure it would be devastating to have places you went every day destroyed, to see neighbours houses blown to pieces. Not knowing if people you saw often are alive and well.

I do wish I could do something to help. I feel trapped in helplessness. I do not mind if no one reads this but if it will contribute and help one person in Ukraine it is worth it. I will be slightly less helpless. That is the reason I feel the urge to write, to help another or to help myself. I knew I needed to submit to this competition even if it is not perfect or perfectly written. To feel I have helped, to feel I have done my part in some way.

Anything I can do to help, I will. No one should feel trapped. No one should be stripped of their freedom.

I pray for safety and freedom for the people in Ukraine, I pray they will not feel scared and alone. We are with them.