Things You Can't Say Out Loud

I want to say so much. I want to be heard. I want others to know that the pain, anxiety, and fear that build up create a false narrative to my brain and bullies my heart. I want others to know that I am what I am. I want to be seen. I want so much.

But that is too much.

The world cannot know. They choose to not know. Instead, they silence you.

My voice is my own./You are too loud.

I am smart./So are many others. You are not special.

I love my body./You need to abide by our beauty standards.

I enjoy the food I make./Clearly, your body shows it.

I like to workout and feel strong because it makes me confident./Do you have a eating disorder? Who are you trying to please?

I found a new outfit!/Who are you dressing up for?

I have hobbies that bring me happiness./Is that really productive?

I think that I have anxiety and need to talk to someone./You are just crying for attention. You will be fine.

I want to be single./Are you a crazy cat lady?

I want to get married./The honeymoon phase doesn't last forever.

I want to be a mom./You think you want them now, just wait.

I don't want kids. I am happy with my choice./You will regret this and change your mind eventually.

I like to work at home./You are lazy.

I go to work everyday./You still have to take care of your home, partner, and children. Don't forget to make supper.

I have a positive relationship with my family./You are sheltered.

I struggle with my family dynamic./You need therapy.

Everyday is a new day./Everyday is the same thing.

I can vote./For now.

I like to be there for my partner./You are clingy.

I am an extrovert./You are constantly talking to people.

I am an introvert./You never get out or talk to people.

I want to be a good mother. I need to stay home with my children./You are not providing enough! Staying at home is easy and it is not a real job.

I want to be a good mother. I need to work hard and gain financial stability for my children./You are a horrible mother by not being at home with them. They will never know you because you are gone all day and they are in the care of someone else.

I appreciate my partners help./You shouldn't rely on others so much.

I needed a mental day and my partner took care of the kids for me./Your parnter is so good at watching the kids. Must be nice being able to laze about on your "time off".

I do not feel enough./You need to give more.

I feel like I give to much. I need help with balance./You are overthinking it.

I am tired./I thought you said you slept well. You are young. Just wait until you are older and really tired.

I do not feel seen or heard./Just stand there and be pretty. No one wants your opinion.

I am myself./And that is?

Me./And you are?

The best version of myself there is yet. Each day I battle with an inner monologue. I try not to let it win. Some days are harder than others. As long as I love myself, that is all that matters. I want to be seen and heard. I don't need a soap box to stand on, simply, to be heard and respected. Not only as a person, but as a woman, a strong individual, and someone that is brave enough to be what she was meant to be: herself. Unapologetically herself.

The world will know who I am.

I am me.