There Are 2 Pillars To Cheating In An Intimate Relationship

I recently spoke with a woman and she told me that her husband was cheating. Because I’m the “Relationship Les Brown,” I’m here to serve. Therefore, I must shed light on these serious heart matters. So the question is, “What is cheating about?” In other words, what are its roots? Everyone who follows me knows that I believe everything has a foundation. I call them pillars. This is how you build things. Just like a tree, you plant a seed, the roots grow in the ground, and then the tree comes out of the ground. The roots in the ground are what give the tree its stability.

Cheating is no different. There are pillars that are attached to it, and it starts with two actions of the heart. The pillars of cheating are two. Selfishness and some form of lust. Notice I said some form of lust. Usually, when we think of lust we only place on it a sexual connotation. However, lust can manifest itself in many areas. So, let’s define these two words before we go any further.

Selfishness: The quality or state of caring only for oneself or one’s own interest.

Lust: An intense, longing or craving for something.

These are the two pillars of cheating. Before I proceed, let me make one point abundantly clear. Just because someone cheats, it doesn’t mean they don’t love the person they’re with. However, in some cases, they don’t love the other person. What it means is, that they don’t love the person they’re with enough to put their selfishness to the side and be selfless enough to consider that person before pursuing the lust that they are craving from the other person. If this were not the case, the one who is thinking about cheating would put their selfishness to the side and consider how cheating is going to hurt the person in their life emotionally and possibly physically in case of an STD.

If selfishness didn’t exist, thoughts about the effects it would have on the other person would take precedent. Whenever I talk to couples and singles about the issue of cheating, I mention to them an R & B song from the 90s by a group called Mint Condition. The name of the song is, What Kind Of Man Would I Be. In the song, he never mentioned how much he loved the woman he was with or anything like that. Never. He says, “What kind of man would I be if I lived unfaithfully.” I’m not sure about this, but it’s possible that in the context of the song, the only word he could think of that rhymes with ‘be’ is ‘unfaithfully.’ Whatever the case, it’s an appropriate statement because cheating is not one of the principles of manhood. Also, he said, “And I don’t want to see her cry.” Why did he say that? Because he wasn’t being selfish. He was being selfless. He considered his partner’s feelings. Although, as he stated in the song, he was attracted to the other woman. He didn’t act on it because he considered his partner. In short, he was selfless. If someone becomes intimate with someone else and they’re already in a relationship, that’s selfish.

Keep in mind, that I’m only talking about the pillars, which are the things we can’t see that cause people to cheat. The lust aspect can be a number of issues. It could be about a different kind of sex. It could be about emotional intimacy. It could also be a lust for more attention. The lust issue has layers. But, there is some form of lust that drives a person to cheat. Let me make this point before I continue. None of this makes cheating right or justifiable. If one person is not feeling fulfilled sexually, emotionally, or regarding intimacy, that person should talk to their partner about it.

I spoke about this in volume 10 (Communication) of the 10 Relationship Tips Audio Series. If he or she has conversations with their partner, that is selfishness because he or she went to the right person seeking to fulfill that particular lust. The essence of this is, that people don’t cheat for no reason. There are always two underlying issues. Selfishness and lust. Cheating does not take place unless both of these exist. If you believe I missed anything or I’m wrong in my assessment, please feel free to reach out. I would love to hear from you.

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