The Shades Of A Spiritual Journey

I've never met anyone on an active and conscious spiritual journey who had or is having a peaches and cream experience, it's always a combination of short and long hardships, easy and difficult experiences, forward and backward movements and then the kicker, a range of emotions. All of them, not just the unicorn ones. It can get really dark at times and especially living in the times we do, where you don't have the clear set path and guidance our ancestors did, it can get even more difficult and lonely navigating that. I've found myself feeling more at the edge of love and hate, happiness and sadness, positive and negative, light and dark more times than I care to count, sometimes varying within a space of seconds. It's a worrysome, haunting and exhaustive experience.

Sometimes I question my footsteps, the impression I've left on myself, others, the direction I'm taking and the footprints that others have left on me. When the dots begin to connect and it reveals mistakes or purposeful acts, whether by myself or others that have inflicted injury. I can go down the rabbit hole of sadness. Stay on that path for quite some time and it leads to anger.

I think to some degree that anger is fueled by resentment. For me it's passive for the most part. I am aware it's part of the healing though which is the primary goal of a 'spiritual journey'. It has it's place. Every emotion does. Healing requires acknowledgement of all emotions, not just the pleasant ones.

Some days you have a triumph and it's a really good day. It may be a epiphanie or a resolution of some kind with someone or the self and you may feel immense amounts of joy. Every moment like this is cherished because it keeps you alive enough to do the work. When I experience this, it's like fireworks in December. I feel like I can literally heal the world.

Then there are the days when you feel like the walls are caving, the earth is shaking all around you, mirrors with your reflection are breaking. You try your best to salvage what you can, but get cut in the process. It's okay. Let it fall because it will continue to, it's just that the experience won't be as bad or as much as the last one because you're a little more prepared, but the mirrors will break until you no longer put them in that room. What's that room? For everyone it differs. It may be people's opinions, regrets, disappointments, traumatic experiences, past lives, physical expectations, earthly valuables etc. all or one of the above.

If there could be some things I've learned, embraced yet or not it would be:

1. Don't expect the path to be easy or light hearted

2. The way you feel and what you think matters

3. Your journey will require self-love

4. It will have you feeling vulnerable and raw

5. You are not alone, crazy or weird, even when it or people or your past may make you feel that way

6. Have compassion for yourself and others

7. Be courageous.

8. See yourself in the nude (physical, emotional, mental)

9. Develop your intuition, within reason.

10. Value the worst parts of yourself and then you can truly love yourself

11. Be specific in what you need, want or desire

12. It's okay to not know, after all that's a common place to start from