The Myth of the Strong Person

"I’ve never met a strong person with an easy past." - Unknown. In fact, I have never met a strong person who chose to be strong willingly. Deep down, who doesn’t want to be just as soft and trusting as a newborn baby being held for the very first time? Who doesn’t want to believe their best friend didn't help start those vicious rumors? Who doesn’t sit by the phone, expecting a call that never comes? No one goes into parenthood thinking that raising children is a one-person job, and nobody includes an escape route in their wedding vows. Yet, the friend turned out to be shady. The date never happened. In fact, someone else got the call. The unplanned child became a stark reality, and the marriage bed grew as cold and silent as the two people lying in it. Who doesn't want the option to collapse and let someone else make the hard choices for a change? The Unexpected Hit Shit happens. No matter how prepared you are, or how many holes you managed to sidestep, there will always be that one unseen trap. It slams into your chest like a fly ball at full velocity while you are right in the middle of the game. Sometimes, it hits you even when you are just sitting on the sidelines, minding your own business. If you are lucky, it only happens once. But most of us have learned to keep our heavy vests on because those hits come like rapid fire, one right after the next. When that happens, your choices are simple: crumble, or find a way to stand. You push through. You walk around. You climb over, or you stay put until the storm passes. Just don't pat yourself on the back or think you deserve some sort of medal. The world is not handing out recognition for survival. You are simply one of many. You have to become the tough person you never imagined being during your childhood. You have to fight every single day just to get up and get going. Crying out “Why me?” will not hold the door open for you, and nobody is going to hold your hand to get the job done. The Lessons in the Wreckage We have to learn from the wreckage left behind: * The friend who betrayed you: Learn the warning signs so it never happens again. * The person who played you: Accept that some people only enter your life to teach you what you will no longer tolerate. * The single parent bearing it alone: Look into your child's face. Know that their love is one of the purest bonds you may ever experience. Hold tightly to that love when the bills keep coming. * The bonds that end: Learn why they broke, and use that knowledge to figure out what your true needs look like. All of these trials build the exact road you must travel to succeed. No Room for Sob Stories Success comes in various ways, and it should never have just one standard. We are not all the same. However, the only thing I am absolutely sure of is this: if you don't find a way to stand up, you will fail. Life does not pause because we are hurting. We can grieve, rage, and mourn what was lost, but eventually, we must decide what happens next. Pain deserves acknowledgment, but it cannot become our permanent address. The need to become resilient is not optional. You become strong simply because you have to. The Cost of the Guard The myth is not simply that strong people choose strength. Perhaps the real myth is this: strong people don't need rest. To be strong comes with a cost. It hardens certain parts of you that shouldn't be hardened. Most people don't understand this when they use "strong" as a compliment. When you are forced to be resilient, two things happen: you have to condition yourself that the world will not break you, and you learn never to stop. But humans are meant to engage, build, learn, create, nurture, solve, and contribute. We are not meant to just endure. The world praises strong people without understanding what it took to build them. Strength often comes from repeatedly discovering that nobody is coming to save you—until you stop waiting altogether. When you have been standing guard for so long, you forget how to rest. Sometimes, what you really want is just permission to put the armor down for a while. ✍️ Author's Note: This piece was born from an intense feeling while watching a clip about resilience. It is a confession from anyone who is tired of being the strong one. I wanted to write the truth: strength isn't a badge of honor we choose; it’s the heavy armor life forces us to wear.