The Moment I Realized I Had Become My Work

I love what I do. Writing has always been my great love and the idea of spending the rest of my life creating content like this fills me with so much excitement at all the projects I have yet to come. Finding a way to turn something you love into something you can do for a living isn't a luxury everyone has. So I'm incredibly grateful I've found a way to mold the two.

When I decided I wanted to try my hand at going pro, my entire day became full of brainstorming new writing projects and social media marketing techniques. To be honest, I didn't really know what I was doing. I was easily discouraged when my writing wasn't as well-recognized as I wanted it to be or overworked when I couldn't come up with new and fresh ideas to keep my audience entertained. To top it all off, I was also taking classes, trying to finish up my college degree. I didn't have a lot of down time—or should I say, time where I wasn't thinking about production.

Every hour of every day was dedicated to this dream of connecting my passion for content creation to making a living. Every hour of every day was dedicated to productivity. This didn't leave me with a lot of down time. And even if I had planned a night out with friends or a Netflix binge-watching session, I would find myself thinking about the next work-related task I needed to complete even if my deadline wasn't for another week.

This wasn't healthy, and I knew it. But once that mindset and practice had set in, it was hard not to comply. Writing had become a chore, which was the last thing I had wanted to happen. I realized that if I kept going on like this, I could easily lose that love I had always felt when it came to writing. I needed to go back to a time when I looked a writing as a hobby, as something that gave me joy as opposed to something I did for money.

I've heard it said that the hobby industry is dying due to the constant monetization of every day activities. I have absolutely no reservations or judgment when it comes to monetizing, for example, online entertainment. But I can't say I disagree with this criticism of the lack of hobbies or the obsession with fame and fortune sweeping over young people all around the world.

Many people, say in their twenties, are constantly striving to find that balance between fulfillment and security. I'm one of them. And there isn't anything wrong with that. It becomes wrong when that is all I can focus on. Because this idea of creating the perfect content or filling my days with productive work was quickly draining the passion out of me. What happened to writing for fun? What happened to my hobby?

The moment I realized I had become my work was the moment I came to terms with the fact that "perfect" and "productivity" didn't exist. Perfect is subjective. Everybody has a different idea of what perfect really is and most of the time that idea is constantly changing and completely unattainable. Which makes striving for perfect direct competition with striving for productivity. If a project wasn't completed successfully, that doesn't mean the time spent on it was unproductive. If a day wasn't filled to the brim with meetings and completed checklists, that doesn't mean the day was a waste. Self-care is productive. Maintaining relationships is productive. Work is not the only outcome of productivity.

I am more than just a job. I am more than just a passion. I am more than just my work.