The fear of striking out

I do wholeheartedly believe that I know what fulfills me. It's the one thing that's always seemed to keep me in line. It's what my heart calls for in time of despair but what my soul craves in the middle of euphoria, writing. I picked up this form of art when I was young, I'd fill up journals with my thoughts, my ideas and my emotions. I look back at some of my journals and I can truly read and feel the passion that I've had for the art since I could first get my hands on a journal. Even just the ideas I'd drought down for later were always very uncanny, in a good way that is. I don't know exactly what was running through my head back then as some of my old work seems to be incomplete. Some ideas drought down but no poem with it, no story. Full of potential never the less. I have gone back and picked up ideas from those old notes and have written some of my best poems. Writing comes very natural to me, as though I've been expressing myself through paper for many lifetimes. At the end of the day no matter what I endure I know I can sit down, write and calm my mind and for that there is no question in my head as to why I chose to write in this lifetime as well. For over a decade now I have found that I'm good at putting the right words next to each other. I had more than one literature teacher call me out of class, almost just to make sure that I was aware about my special writing skills. I was promised I was budding as a writer. Others suggested that I began songwriting, always on my mind but I have yet to do so. You see if there's one thing I do when I find something I'm fond of, I take care of it. I'll nurture it, but not too much. Writing for me was like watering a plant, but never enough because I was always too afraid of drowning it. It's like I was afraid of doing it wrong.. of one day being expected of my best work and not being able to deliver, with the one thing that comes so natural to me, writing. Because if I couldn't at least do that then what would I do with all my thoughts and emotions at that point. In the past that issue became such a burden that I quit writing for a little while, I stopped writing down ideas, writing down my emotions and even essays. I told myself that if I couldn't free write, if I could not write any verse or poem that came across my mind in the fear of failing then I wasn't worthy of writing at all. Those were some of the toughest moments in my life that is until I realized I was the one being tough with myself. I reminded myself that I am only human, I am due to make mistakes, to overcome battles but to always get back up more times than I may fall. My passion for writing runs so deep that I almost made the mistake of letting it go instead of trying and potentially fail myself. Today I can truthfully say that the fear of striking out will not keep me from playing the game. My appreciation for writing will never end. I hope to be able to bring a different type of narrative and perspective out into this world. I look forward to bringing a new light out to situations that we may not have seen much light in at other periods in time. I hope to inspire others to follow their true calling despite of any fear or doubt. I am looking forward to being supported through my journey only so I can reach as many souls as I can with open arms filled with optimism, hope, genuine care and a head full of ideas that this world might not be ready for. But always, with the underling goal of gathering with love.