The dying prayer

I no longer feel fear. Which induces a feeling like fear. A gun to the skull singing its song of gunpowder. A knife to the throat of ego claiming religion can not save thee. Neon lights flicker amongst peers florescent. Strange energies vibrate like elegies not quite ready to be silenced. Walls quiver as the ground groans of disgust and defeat. The physical realm is yearning for rebirth as it allows for implosion. How can one know god when they look outside of themselves?

I can not forget and I can not return to what ever was before. The graves left behind are only haunting when I lose focus. The demons feast on the scraps of emotional failure and distress. The one dressed in white dissolved into an oblivion I do not speak of. It's all in a wild way becoming full circle. Soaked in shame and tears. Waiting to be ignited. Gasoline in your eyes these skies are looking like storms.

I forsake the notion I can continue ignoring these detailed sins and their cloaked corners in spaces of my mind. A cellar filled with fires we called it the crimson door. Something that was born in hell. There was nothing securing the idea that control was real. I wipe the fever from my lips. I can't seem to keep it to myself. The truth that I am an already decaying body. That I am here to scorch this place with a relentless need to starve this thirst.

Your fear paralyzed me. It drenched me in doubt and I found new levels of hate trying to resist finding my way into your soul. I remember the hounds tearing me apart. Teaching me the way of violent failure. Where were you when I was howling doom at the moon? Across this god damned planet. I watched them pick each other apart. Men, women, and children drowning in the plague of selves. I remember not breathing. Thinking drowning in it wasn't so bad. I always ended up dragged back into this timeline. Every fucking time. Chains wrapped around my throat keeping me in line. There is evidence if you look deep into my eyes. A vengeance that will not quit or slow down. An anger that consumes these bones. Always a feeling of let down fueling it. The truth is. We are all already devoured. In this I am whole.

Excuse me while I calm down. I know this turbulence isn't for anyone other than the brave. The ones committed to the idea of my soul and its undeniable energy. Deep breaths steady the heart and I allow my lungs to speak of peace. You see every atom is built to ascend. To carry the precious source back to the oneness often ignored. We are all one and we need no one. So these relationships we nurture are gold discovered by the attractions of vibrations. I am not here to be followed. I simply lead myself now with a mind focused on the ones closest to me finding the same answers. They see the device I have created in my mind using the power provided. They know I have learned how to utilize this power with the flip of a mental switch. In my visions I am the protector. The one who will endure to ensure their survival.

I carry the dead with me. I fret in knowing my grip is slipping and I will lose them as they lost me in their departure. My blood boils most of the time and it allows me to endure the shivers of grief. I don't miss them for within my mind I believe I absorbed them. They took apart of me with them. This exchange is vital and in doom we have to seek truth. I wait in the silence for the response. The knowing of what must be done next.

I awake in that space again. Bound to a place of torture and capture. I struggle against that which binds me. It chokes but I keep inhaling the energy of this place. I hear that voice awakening. "You have to flip the switch" "You have to get up." It instigates the flickering that leads to the flame. I'm never coming home. I am sorry to break your heart once again. I remember the struggle and I remember the decay we faced. I say good bye in those eyes. I gave you my heart in search of a place it could call sanctuary. I know you realize the circle now. In this I hope you forgive me. In this I hope you do not remember the bloodshed left behind. The incoherent curses of a man lost within chaos and hell. Where I find the dead fuel the flames. We are one in this. Do you watch over me?