That's not the right word

I don't typically struggle with personal expression. In fact, there are times people probably wish I would stop talking or sharing my opinions. But since I've started writing more, I've found the following phrases slipping into my conversations:

• "That's not the right word."
• "That's not the word I want to use."

It's like writing has opened up the floodgates of my vocabulary. And there is a desire to accurately express what I think, feel, and believe.

I keep harkening back to the line in the The Giver, "precision of language." The phrase ultimately takes on a negative meaning in the story, but it still sticks with me. The society in the story is strict when it comes to language. They believe that every word must be perfect, and they believe that the word love has become obsolete.

And yet, I sympathize with Jonas trying to find the "right" word. For example, when Jonas is thinking about the upcoming ceremony, he tries to describe how he feels. He isn't afraid, but he also isn't at peace. Eventually, he chooses the word "apprehensive" to label his inner turmoil.

The more I read, listen, and write, the more I want my speech to increase in depth and precision. It's not always that the words are more complex or academic-sounding. It's not that I want to sound more intelligent. (Okay, I do, but that's not the central desire. Besides, you don't want to be someone who sounds like a talking dictionary or something.)

I want the words to fit the situation, explain what I feel, and express what I think.

The fantastic bit is that words allow me to do just that. Languages are treasure troves of words, and thankfully, the English language is no exception. There is an overflowing fountain of words available to express and describe almost everything.

I'm still learning to utilize this store of abundance. Hence the phrase, "That's not the right word," popping up frequently in my interactions with others. But keeping with a simplistic vocabulary is not a better alternative. So the struggle continues.

The simple words of good, bad, okay, angry, happy, sad, and afraid fail to measure the depth of emotions and thoughts we have as humans. We are more than this shallow vocabulary is capable of expressing.

Granted, there's a place for shallow answers. For example, "How are you?" is a standard follow-up to "Hi," where I live. The person doesn't want an honest answer eight times out of ten. So, we use the phrases "I'm okay," "I'm fine," and "I'm doing well." But what do we really mean by these phrases? Not much. We have degraded both to mean whatever we want them to mean. But sometimes, all it takes is a simple word change to convey more depth.

The power of precision

"I need your prayers. I am weary." That's all he said. No elaboration, but it was a window into the anguish and struggle he was experiencing. Granted, the context also provided clues about the level of emotion that came with the phrase. But the simple choice of the word "weary" communicated what was happening far better than the phrase, "I'm not doing well," or "I feel bad" ever could.

Often, I've realized that the simple changing of one word can make all the difference and add precision and flavor to a conversation where it did not exist before. I am not merely happy. I am ecstatic to see my friend that I haven't seen in years. I am not angry. I am frustrated with the current traffic jam that is making me late for my appointment.

When someone uses a word that fits right, a tiny part of me compliments the person. Excellent use of that word, I think. But I usually don't say it out loud because I want to resemble a normal person.

Timing and listening

It becomes more than just the right word. It also comes down to timing and listening. I remember the moments when someone has spoken something that I needed to hear. Said the right thing at just the right moment.

I think of the simple reassurances from a friend during a rough time. "It will be okay," he would tell me when I most needed to hear it. Or my mom telling me after my grandma died, "You don't have to feel anything right now." My friend simply asking, "Do you want to go back to the bookstore?" when I was having a bad day.

We cannot possess this timing if we don't listen to what others have to say. We have to look at the context, inflection, and tone. I find myself traveling through life too fast, far too often. I don't take the time to listen to what others say. And I miss the meaning they are trying to convey.

Thus, the battle becomes twofold:

• Finding the words that communicate what I am thinking and feeling
• Genuinely listening and seeking to discover what others mean by what they say or write.

I don't think the phrase "that's not the right word" will be going away for me soon. But it shows that I'm a writer, trying her best to tell stories and say and write words that add meaning to conversations and interactions.

Maybe I'm the only one, but to all those struggling to find the right words, understand that you can. As you listen more, you might just hear the words you need to express yourself. As your treasure trove of words increases, you get to use it to share truth, ideas, and stories with the world. That's part of what it means to be a writer. Part of what it means to be human.

Write and speak words that are good, but understand that within this is range. Your words can be

• Powerful
• Hopeful
• True
• Beautiful
• Kind
• Poetical
• Informative
• Beneficial

Don't give up. Keep trying. Keep reading. Keep writing. And keep listening.

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