Surveys & Vaporwave

First off, to my family: your help has meant more than you or I will ever know.

I love you.

*

So, for reasons naturally in my control, I left my recent living situation behind. I had taken too much without giving enough back, and was not willing to be barked at for coincidentally trying to do something nice at an inappropriate time.

But, hey, it is what it is.

I'm starting in retail on the 2nd, which is thankfully only a few days away now. I have been knocking out surveys left and right for the past five days or so (I've honestly not been keeping count), hitting $5 checkpoints as quickly as possible to pay for gas (travel--mainly back and forth to WiFi hotspots and my Mom's--and heat), getting help from my Mom with eggs and coffee and etc. and her Internet and amenities.

Honestly, it has been trying mainly in light of hacking away at survey's, which often bring about diminishing (and, frankly, snatched back/robbed) rewards, my having no money for anything aside from gas withstanding.

I asked my sister for $20 through Venmo, not knowing how off-limits it became for my needs. I have a Venmo debit card coming in a few days. In an emergency, I asked my Mom for a $20, half of which I spent on gas, and half I spent on peanut butter, fluff, bread, and compostable utensils (I tried to get apples and something else, but couldn't thanks to the lack of Venmo functionality at my current Walmart...but, again, the $10 for gas was a much needed bump/cushion).

I tried selling my PS3 games, for a whopping $60 for like 20 of them (Feck No), at a non-GameStop seller. I did have some interest in my rocker chair and foot-rests, but I wasn't giving out my phone number again. I need to pick up a burner phone as soon as I can.

*

Overall, I am stuck in a perpetual rut, into which I find myself being slalomed toward places both known and unknown. I have certain ideas about what I want, yet lack the motivation and clarity of mind to set sail straight for them. The benefit of my current situation is certainly to put me back in the open space to just be alone and to focus on myself. However, the cold-but-now-gradually-warming weather is a very real deterrent when considering I am so reliant on the heat in my car and a "stable" place to sit in my car for a while--and to have a reliable WiFi connection to get stuff done that needs one. Soooooo. I traded off for some things to gain others to basically have the same number of ups and downs as before. So appears to be my life. Ceaselessly balanced. Lmao.

Again, I am still in a good--if not better--place now, if only for the sake of a brighter future for myself and those whom I truly care about...and for others and/or the world at large as well. I have not totally been cut off from help by any stretch of the imagination. Sure, there is at least one connection that has been severed or put on hold for right now, but I have gotten plenty of help from them the past several months, and will simply give them time to heal so that I may contribute something worthwhile back in time.

So that's sort of a look at where I am now. I don't know who will read this, and, frankly, it is what it is. I really do not like this 600 word minimum format for writing standard articles, so I tend to post a good deal of fluff--if I am not mistaken. Not useless fluff, of course: mainly misguided strings and tethers.

But things will shape up one day. I just may use Vocal mainly for poetry and other articles as part of a broader, more diverse portfolio. That is certainly one of my Four Master One-Year Goals, in terms of "Awaken The Giant Within" by Tony Robbins. I love the audiobook. Check it out! \m/, B']

Yours;

Z