Slow Down and Just Live

Do you remember when the biggest stress in your life was whether or not someone else in class was wearing the same outfit as you? If the varsity football player you had a crush on even knew you existed? Whether or not mom and dad were going to let you borrow the car this weekend? Growing up you hear over and over how fast life flies by from “the adults”. You never actually listen to it though. You are too busy just trying to grow up so you don't have to follow the rules of your parents anymore or the stupid rules from school. You think, once you are in your twenties and have it all figured out (eye roll) then you can start enjoying life and not let it pass you by. But then you wake up and you're about to turn 35 and starting to really understand what all those “adults” were telling you about it flying by and fully grasping that you are one of those “adults” now. While being aware of how fast life is passing you by, you are still unable to just slow down and take it all in. Because now the stress is not whether or not you and someone else will wear the same outfit or if the varsity boy you have a crush on notices you or if mom and dad will let you borrow the car. It is instead- whether or not your clothes still fit and if you can afford new ones if they don't, it is will your spouse give you some alone time to think and notice you a little less and if you are going to have enough money to make the payment on your car, or your car insurance-forget gas, your car has been running on fumes at this point. Life so quickly goes from passing you by from living life to the fullest responsibility-free, to passing you by while you are caught up in the stress of adulthood. Life goes from passing you by from not paying attention to your responsibilities to passing you by from being so bogged down in your responsibilities that you forgot to live in the mean time. You just wanted to be old enough to graduate high school, you just wanted to be done with college, you just want to be old enough to retire. You just “want” for so much and in the mean time, life is racing by you. Until one day you wake up and realize, you missed out enjoying on your twenties when you were too wrapped up in waiting to get out of college and feeling sorry for yourself in all your mostly self inflicted hard-times and now you are missing out on life once again while you mourn losing your twenties.

We told ourselves that the “mean girls” didn't exist outside of High school and we told ourselves that again in college. We tell ourselves “once we get through this we will be happy”. But, “we” never get through it, there is another “mean girl” waiting for you at work and this time she is your boss holding a promotion over your head, your co-worker who pretends to be your friend just try and get your job, or that stupid bill collector who calls you 146,789 times a day. Heck, sometimes the “mean-girl” exists within your own family. We are always waiting to be happy, and when the time passes and life changes we learn the hard way that we missed out on those times to be happy. We missed out getting to know our dad better while he was alive, we missed out learning how to navigate life from our grandfather who is now gone and we are missing out on all of those things with those who are still with us right now. “You don't know what you got 'til its gone”, an old saying that I personally have no clue who first said it, rings truer and truer each passing year but we don't learn from it.

So, as I get ready to turn 35 in just a few short days (that just keep approaching faster and faster no matter what I do to stall it) I hope that I learn to enjoy this last half of my 30s. I hope I don't spend them waiting on something better so that when I turn 40, instead of missing my 30s I have a better understanding of how to enjoy my life and all it has to offer. I hope that life's lessons this far have taught me how to enjoy the rainstorms as much as the rainbows at the end. I hope I have a better understanding that if I am not happy now, I will not be in the future either unless I learn to be happy right now, slow down right now and just live.