Road to Myself

Everyone has their defining moments to coming of age. While most would suggest falling in love for the first time, or even that first kiss, for me it would have to be standing up to my mother and taking the reins and the direction of my own life.

Before this defining point, I would like to believe I was more of the “obedient child,” every mother’s dream kid. I rarely went against what my mother wanted for me and followed her directions blindly. For example, I would rarely go out with my friends because my mother needed me to watch my sibling instead. I had passed on several school events, prioritizing my babysitting duties over building a social life. In spite of this teen injustice, I still didn’t argue with her because I figured, “mother knows what’s best,” and so I did whatever she had suggested regardless of how I personally felt about her decisions. Which leads to this life changing moment I knew I had to speak up against what she wanted for me.

One late summer morning, after working a closing shift at the local fat food restaurant, I was awaken to the sound of someone hammering on the front door. My initial thought was, “Jehovah Witness?” because my friends either helped me close the night before, or were gone on vacation. As I walked sleepily down to the front door, I was perplexed to see a man standing in uniform, waiting for me to answer.

Slowly opening the door, I answered, “Can I help you?”

“Hello, your mom says you’re ready to join the army.”

9 words of confusion. 9 words that I would still remember decades later. Me, in the army? Was this some sort of joke? Did my mom really think I was army material? I was neither strong, nor aggressive. I turned my head towards violence and had no interest in guns (well, except water ones). What would a homebound weakling like myself do in the army?

“Um, are you sure?” I replied.

“Yes, she asked me to take you down to the office. It’s just going to be a quick test and then we’ll talk about what the army can do for you.

Admittedly, I was still in disbelief that my own mother would consider calling the recruiter for me. Prior to this encounter, I never considered partaking in giving my service to any military force. However, who was I to question my mom’s decision. She must know something about me that I didn’t see in myself. After a quick change I joined the officer on a brief jaunt to the recruiting office.

After we arrived, the recruiter had me take the ASVAB, a military aptitude test. The test was easy. Easier then the SATs and ACT or any other test I would have taken in school. Maybe mom was right, maybe I was military material after all. Eventually, after much discussion about army benefits both during service and after service, and with a simple persuasion from the recruiter (I was already in my ‘if this is what my mom thinks is best for me’ mode), I had been unknowingly taken through all the steps towards being recruited into the army: physical and being sworn in. The recruiter explained that I was not enlisted until I left for boot, so I had up until then to make a decision (I learned later that that was a lie. I have already been unknowingly fully enlisted into the army and there was no out).

To be honest, even though I was on the path to join the army, my mind remained focused on my primary goal of being accepted to a college. I knew for myself, academics would continue to be a prominent role in my life and my identity. I continued with college applications and dreamed of campus life post secondary school. Because of this personal aspiration, I often received phone calls from colleges. One particular college had reached out and share what it had to offer. through the conversation, I learned more about campus life and social events (i.e. snow walks, pizza parties, and more). The phone call became a compass, pointing me in the direction I really should be heading: academia.

Regardless of what my mom wanted for me, I knew I didn’t want to be pulled into the military. I didn’t want to fight for our country, or learn how to defend our coasts because I don’t believe in violence. Fortunately, my destiny wasn’t set on the road to military order and conformity. My epiphany came months later in the form of a social studies course.

While studying current events in social studies class and news had flooded the media outlets of the war in Kuwait. As I read the news of the war for our class assignments the images of the events filled me with fear. The fiery fear of potential death motivated me to do the rare act of going against what my mom wanted for me. I had to talk to her and let her know I have no intentions of joining the armed forces.

Later that week, when my mom was home from her exhausting day of work, I decided it was my chance to confront her with my personal revelation of my future. I stood for minutes in my room practicing my persuasive speech, as if I were going to a debate competition. I knew there was more at stake than points for the high school team. Eventually, I realized that no matter how prepared I thought I would be, there was no way to predict how my mom would react to my defiance to her wishes.

I slowly approached her room, she was lying down on her bed watching TV. I knocked on her door to request her attention. “Mom,” I started, my voice probably the quietest it could ever be.

“What is it, hon?” She replied wearily, turning towards me.

“Um, I have something I need to talk to you about,” my heart sank. Even though I knew I had to continue, it still felt like I was becoming a disappointment.

She sensed the seriousness of the conversation coming. “What? What is it?” She asked, concern painted in her voice.

Keeping my head down towards the ground, butterflies fluttering in my stomach as if they wanted to fly out and head south, I continued, “I…I don’t want to go into the military.”

A vacuumed silence filled the space around us. I could no longer hear the TV or any other distractions. Two ideas quietly clashed creating the calm before a storm and I was waiting for the lightning to strike.

Eventually, the bolt of resistance was casted, “what brought this idea on?”

My practiced speech had been washed away by a tidal wave of nervousness. My mind became a blank whiteboard in a classroom after the teacher erased all the information.

Pierce my silence, my mom continued, “I don’t understand. Don’t you know what being in the military can do for you? You will receive benefits, money for college, isn’t that what you want?” It was a valid point. I didn’t know what I could say to counter the logic behind those words. Suddenly, I remembered what we had be studying in class.

“It is, but what about the war,” I muttered. “There are people fighting and dying in the war. I don’t want to be one of them.”

For the first time, she didn’t have a rebuttal to my argument. She was speechless. She could feel the fear in my voice. We were on the same wave length, thinking the exact same thoughts. She knew I was right and that my attendance in the military was the wrong choice.

“What about college? How you going to pay for it? I can’t afford to send you, you know,” she said worriedly.

“Yeah, I know. I’ll find another way to pay for my education. I’ll take out student loans, look for scholarships, grants, anything. I just know the army is not for me,” I added, my final closing statement.

The awkward silence returned between us. Had I said enough to persuade her to take me off the military track? After a few brief minutes, she concluded, “If this is what you really want…” she started in her soft loving voice, “then we’ll see what we can do.”

Wait, what? Did I just become victorious in an argument? Was my mom really going to relinquish the idea of me being in the army? Was she really on board with me attending college instead?

Months later, after I graduated from High School, I was preparing to attend a state college. I had enrolled in a summer school program to have an early start on my college career. It was definitely where I belonged and I knew it all along.

Luckily, I was relieved from my disastrous destiny with the army. Though I had hopped through all the required hoops for enlistment, I was not of age to join the military and thanks to my late birthday, I was released before I even began to serve.

I had wonder what made my mom believe that me going to the armed forces was the better option for my future? What I have learned is she was a struggling college student herself. She had her determination to continue her own education while raising 2 children on her own. For this reason, I can understand her push for me to join the military. She knew if I had joined, I would have been able to afford college and complete it debt-free. She wanted my life to be as financially free as possible and that may be the reason behind her calling the recruiter. I don’t hold this against her. I understand the rationale behind it. What she didn’t know was she had become more than just my mom, but my inspiration to continue my own education in college. Watching her surround herself with books studying, and our occasional visits to the college campus is what planted the seed for my love academics. Through my utmost respect for her endless thirst of knowledge, I wanted to be like her. I wanted to follow in her footsteps on the road to a college degree or two, even if it met being in debt.

This moment in my life will always signify to me my coming of age. It defined me, my morals, my identity. It made me realize that sometimes you really do have to stand against what others may believe is the best choice for you because you know it’s not who you are as a person. Even if it means speaking out towards someone in authority. Believe in who you really are and be ready to defend that identity.