REFLECTION25 | Blog Series

Whatchu talkin’bout Willis?

You ever just think about your life and wonder where you went wrong? If so, CONGRATULATIONS, you’re considered a human being!! No! In all seriousness, even though it doesn’t seem like it, it is a very healthy thing to do!! It’s a great way to go back to your childhood and see where some beliefs and behaviors came from. It can also reveal some traumatizing moments that you never realized affect the way you handle certain situations. Interesting right!? But hey! You’re smart… so you know these things. Well if you know it, why not do it? GOT’EM !!

Walk with me!!

As you can see in the title, this blog is part 1 of my first blog series!! It’s a series I’m going to call “REFLECTION25!” Now, you may be asking why the heck am I calling it that. My answer is pretty simple. Yesterday was my Birthday (woohoo)! I am actually not 25 years old, I’m really 26 years old. So why Reflecting25? Well… Smarty pants!! I’m haven’t lived year 26 out yet. So I’ll be taking you all on a journey of my life from moments I remember when I was a child, all the way up to my 25th birthday!! I’m excited and I hope you are too! So, today’s blog is the introduction. What you are about to read is my quick analysis of what year 25 was. Then, the next blog will start the full journey and I’ll meet you right back at year 25 with more enlightening points. LET’S DIVE IN!

Do I truly believe?

I believe in him, but my actions haven’t shown it. I’ve been looking for affirmation from everyone else except for the one whose affirmation should matter the most. I think I’m mourning the feeling of possible hurt remarks and assumptions before they even come. But hey! That isn’t anything new! That’s about to change though. Because this is the last week I put what he wants on the back burner to prove something to someone else. I can’t do that anymore because I’m suffocating my own hope and joy in who I am, not just what I’m called to. Things aren’t moving for me because they aren’t supposed to move like this. And it’s the most hurtful thing because I want everyone to be happy with me and proud of me. But the word makes sense to me “He allows you to do certain things that others aren’t.” Some stories I can’t hold on to from most people, because my canvas is painted differently.

So why aren’t I doing me?

What kills my dream is my lack of confidence in him. I’m lacking confidence! My confidence in him is fading because I’m looking out instead of up. I don’t like the feeling or the thoughts of people that matter to me thinking I’m just stubborn and lazy and don’t have integrity and all of these things. It sucks that everyone kinda have the same story. So everyone’s advice to me is all the same and it’s really true and convenient. It sucks because it seems that I don’t have anyone that can relate. They start off sounding like they can but then it goes left and I’m like ugh that’s not it. So it forces me to just be quiet. It’s not about me WANTING more than it is just who I am and how I was designed. I can’t explain it no better than that. So the thought of being unheard and misunderstood strikes a different pain in me. Like I literally just want to cry because people’s opinions and what they think of me do matter to me. Especially the ones that I look up to. Like it’s just hard.

Give it a shot!! Stop blaming others

I feel like I haven’t given myself a chance to believe in myself since I left home. Because after that is when I started looking at what everyone else wanted. Then I moved to Texas by myself with no experience. So I made it about what they wanted. Then I moved back home and it didn’t go away... I was still people pleasing!! I’ve literally done what others wanted me to for a long time. I can’t even blame my parents anymore because when I could do what I wanted, they allowed me to. And that’s when I built my company. Wow!! I have to stop blaming my parents!! At some point, I have to take responsibility for my own life.

What do I want my life to look like?

I want a life expresses who I am. I know I’m designed to be extra in the way that I think and create. I think my past, even though it keeps me grounded, holds me down in a lot of ways. It creates the fear in me that says I may not have a better life.

What/ who am I ??

I’m a joy bomb! I’m brilliant! I’m a treasure! I’m crazy creative! That’s what I want my life to be!! I can’t afford anything less than that!! Of course they’ll be hard times. But I can’t live playing defense. I have to play offense and use the playbook. Shout out to P.Kris and my Marked Family!!

Whew! That was a lot!!

Thank you for reading my blog today! Be sure to follow me on my social media platforms to get more insight on what my life looks like everyday. HERE’S TO YEAR 25!! WHAT A HECK OF A YEAR!!

Also… I have a surprise for you !!