Ramblings

Know when.

Do you know when to know when?

Let me back up for a moment.

The phrase "Know when" came to mind from my man, R, almost one year ago, during an excellent conversation about life, and after a minute or so of quiet, he said, 'You gotta know when.'

Since that moment, the phrase "Know when" has been a daily occurrence for me.

Why?

Because knowing when applies to literally everything in life.

Some examples are:

You didn't 'know when', when you sent that text first thing in the morning without stopping to think.

You 'knew when' to make the right choice when someone road-raged at you with your kids in the car.

You 'knew when' before you opened your mouth to say something that may not have gone so great.

Do you see how knowing when applies to everything?

More importantly, do you understand how knowing when can expand your mind?

My challenge to you is:

Begin to use 'know when' as soon as you finish reading - by knowing when to share it - and with whom.

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Have you ever wanted something so much to go your way, only for it not to go your way at all, or as you planned or hoped for?

I'm sure this happens to you a lot, as it does to me.

Below is some real-life advice I was given years ago that's helped me have a lot more things go my way and has significantly reduced my tendency to overreact to something that'd be better handled subtly.

It is a gift to practice this advice daily, because each time I do, it helps me be a better person. Here it is:

It's not what you know; instead, it's what you do with what you know that makes all the difference in the world.

Let me break down the steps for putting the advice above into practice.

1. Take a look at your reaction to the thing that didn't go your way.

- How'd you react? Were you angry, passive-aggressive, taking it personally, or having an adult temper tantrum?

- If you were, your reaction was actually the major contributor to the thing you wanted to go your way, not to go your way.

2. To have the thing you want to go your way, your better reaction is to:

- Take ten slow, deep breaths; this usually takes about one minute.

- After ten breaths, refrain from reacting to the thing - challenging but doable.

- Then, get your body moving; go for a walk, vacuum the house - anything.

- Finally and most importantly, while you're moving, let go of the outcome you had initially planned in your mind for the thing - making this choice for yourself makes a big difference because it causes a chain reaction for a much better result than the one you wanted to begin with.

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A friend said this to me the other day:

The longer the wait, the better the ask.

There's sacred tension in waiting.

Not the passive kind that numbs you into distraction, but the active, soul-stretching kind that refines your wants, needs, and desires. The longer you wait—not out of fear or indecision, but out of respect—the more precise, powerful, and in alignment your ask becomes.

Waiting isn't punishment. It's preparation.

In spiritual growth, you often rush to name what you want before you've truly met yourself.

You ask for love before you soften into self-acceptance.

You ask for abundance before you heal your wounds of scarcity.

You ask for clarity before you sit in the shadows long enough to know what truly matters to you.

But when you wait—when you allow the silence to shape you, the longing to clarify you—your ask transforms. Your ask becomes less about fixing and more about fulfilling; less about proving something to others or yourself and more about receiving what you actually need.

Here's the paradox: the longer you wait, the more you shed the noise.

And what's left is a clear ask of what it is that your soul actually desires.

So, if you're in a season of waiting, trust and go with vs forcing.

Let the waiting strip away your superficial asks and reveal the real ones.

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Need Is a Four-Letter Word

Sometimes, the best choice is to leave space—for breath, for peace, and for that thing you haven't even imagined yet.~unknown

I've been reflecting a lot on the subject of death. Not in a way that requires anyone's intervention. Instead, I've been thinking about how, when you pass away, you leave behind a multitude of physical belongings, including, but not limited to, photo albums, furniture, clothes, books, tools, diaries, money, and tons more.

And the people who are left behind are the ones who go through your stuff.

If you were truly present with your presence, living in the now—meaning right now—what possessions would you be holding on to that, in the event of your death, would end up in someone else's hands, who would then decide whether to keep, donate, or throw them away.

I ask you: do you really need that?

Thinking about death has led me to re-evaluate everything I own by asking myself, Do I really need this? I've begun giving away or slowly throwing them out.

I want what I leave behind to be meaningful rather than random and insignificant. I'd like to think that the person who goes through my belongings might want to keep a piece of it for themselves or share it with another.

The thought of that makes my soul feel good.

Death.

Everyone dies eventually, and life will continue regardless. Life always moves on.

My current preference is to pare down and keep things simple because, in the grand scheme of living, my stuff is just that—stuff that doesn't mean anything to anyone unless I choose wisely to leave behind things that might.

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'The details don't matter.'

Said the woman on the podcast I'm listening to.

I was confused about what she meant until she began to explain.

'Don't let the small details of life get in the way of what really matters.

Does it really matter if you get to the dry cleaner five minutes early?

Or that you get to the grocery store on a certain day or time?

And, does it really matter that the appointment you had set got canceled?

Or is it really that important that your sister stays at your cousin's house vs yours?'

The woman went on to say that by getting all caught up in the whirlwind of those minute, tiny details, you end up wanting to control life with a white-knuckled grip, and that that's no way to live for anyone.

I thought about her words as I drove, letting them sink in, and reflected on many times when I had gotten caught up in the details of little things in life, wanting to control them rather than allowing the situation to unfold as it was naturally meant to.

I thought about all the people involved in situations in my life where I flew off the handle with someone, got angry about a problem I wanted to control, or, in essence, had an adult temper tantrum over something silly, and where did that get me, or what did it accomplish?

Her words resonated deeply with me.

And, in always wanting to be the best version of me, I've chosen to examine and shift my ways of acting and reacting toward those around me, which is much more productive and positive than getting caught up in the details that don't matter.

Because the reality is that in the grand scheme of this thing that you, me, and everyone on the planet live, called life, the details can get in the way if you let them.

And then life passes you by.