Not Well, Not At All

Accomplishments are great. Sometimes we accomplish the most with the absolute least. Sometimes, we have to go all in on betting on ourselves, and we still fail. The good part, if there is one, when failure is a part of the story, is that we tried. And imagine living in a world full of possibilities, and you never tried. That's not a legacy worth having.

For most of you who know me, you know my story. I am a mid-fifties ex-officer from a sheriff's department. I raised a son. That wasn't without difficulties, particularly doing it on my own. I can tell a story. But, not one that is good enough to do anything with. Oh...and I'm suffering from stage IV cancer.

I honestly don't know where the world is going to take me from here. I left law enforcement because it was mentally burning me up. I no longer felt connected to the badge the way I did when I started. Since then, I've seen the people who held me back indicted, fired, and publicly disgraced. That should tell you the environment and what it can do to people.

I wanted peace and to feel like I belonged.

What I found were opportunities.

The first was that I was willing to work, and I was willing to go places others wouldn't step into. It gave me a chance to learn something I never would have otherwise. I enjoyed the work, the people, and the travel that went along with it. The first four years or so were a lot of fun.

Along the way, I found Vocal. It presented opportunities. I chased those like a madman for several years. I'm glad I gave it a try. At first, I thought I'd be the guy who could get to that one million readers mark. However, to get there, you have to write something and share it with enough people that it might get read by them, and they share it, and so on.

Chasing after the recognition of winning a challenge was fun. But, like many, I learned that the challenges aren't winnable by everybody. Some people won't ever win one because the judges lean a certain way. It's allowed to be subjective, rather than objective. Which means, if who you are doesn't align with the judges, your voice won't appeal to them, no matter how good your submissions might be.

But I kept going. I even relearned how to self-promote. Took my stats from 12 on a good day to 55 on a good day, with some days as much as 80. While winning a challenge hasn't been doable, I did manage to learn to promote my work enough to get a respectable number of readers.

At over 40,000 reads, considering how tough a number that is to crack, I feel like it's an accomplishment.

So, for the failures of never winning a challenge, I have the success of finding that many readers.

I entered into a situation where I had a hell of a fight on my hands. Fighting a terminal diagnosis is tough. It's mentally taxing. It's physically hard. And it's emotionally frustrating. But I kept trying to postpone losing the battle that would, according to doctors, be lost.

What else could happen? I got laid off in November. The company would appear to be running overtime, rather than bringing everyone back to work. Doesn't make sense, does it? So, I did the best I could.

Unfortunately, finding a job with a stage IV diagnosis and the accompanying symptoms of the cancer isn't easy. In fact, it's probably going to be something I fail at, despite trying. The market just isn't good.

Faced with serious issues, a need to do something, and a need to succeed, I kept trying and started looking for outside-the-box opportunities. I got into trying to push the new Dubby Energy Drink mix. It's the one advertised on social media as the jitterless energy drink. It really is, which was a good thing, considering what energy drinks can do to a person.

No, that didn't prove to be anything worth doing. Despite the price breakdown, the appeal, the many flavor options, and the 10% discount, nobody has been interested in trying DUBBY.

I guess, at the end of the story, I can say I tried.

Now, as I head into the last legs of this journey, I can say I tried a lot. I might have mostly failed, but I tried.