Not an actual doctor

I know! Random title but I hope it caught your eye. It’s true I am not a psychiatrist, counselor or a doctor. I am just a husband, father, warehouse manager, coach who suffers from being manic depressive along with PTSD from childhood trauma. I am not going to give you an actual doctors opinion, it’s not me. What I will give you is a part of my journey and advice on what I’ve experienced. So thank you for giving me a shot and reading this.

So background, I’m a middle child of 3 biological siblings who had parents divorce at a young age, both remarried and now I am the middle child of a total of 9 siblings. Yeah…9…but that really had no factor on who I am. I loved being the middle child. A lot of my trauma that developed my habits, my ticks were from growing up with a man so despicable and nasty that I’m thankful I am alive. My stepdad was one of those people that when out praised us to the world but behind closed doors, I was no better than the dirt he walked on. Someone that is suppose to positively effect your life and be a father figure, was far from it. A lot of my lack trust, in others and myself came from him. No matter what you were never good enough.

All of that, really did mess me up in a negative way, which looking back I just ignored the signs something else was wrong. Granted it’s all not a pity party of him being a jerk that had my mental issues all out of whack. Having biological parents that had mental health issues then my dad also being manic depressive..I didn’t ever connect the dots.

Look back at your life so far like I did. Are you on the same cycle of life, you ride up as high as you can, you keep going and then you start to feel something in your stomach, fear of messing up, so now you start thinking it’s all too good to be true, what can I do to make it go away…then BOOM! You’re heading down and just going till you hit the bottom hard. Are there behaviors that are seen to be risk taking? Cheating, drinking, drugs, something else to fill the void and make the pain go away. Have you done something to basically sabotage your happiness because you think it’s too good to be true or you don’t deserve it?

Now these are the questions I asked myself after I checked myself into an inpatient facility. The Why’s were all there and I was so thankful I got the answers I needed. It’s a year on May 31st. That’s the last time I have felt like there is no way I can get out of the hole I put myself in. For a good 15 years, I was told oh I’m just a teenager, I’m a college student stress is gonna happen.

Listen I’m not saying you are manic depressive if you experience this stuff, it could just be other factors. Focus on you, ask questions to yourself and then seek the help you think you need. Talk to loved ones, talk to someone that you know has gone through all this. Some other advice is, don’t settle for anything, if your told one thing and you don’t like that answer then go find another answer. Do what’s best for you, if you can’t be taking care of yourself, then you can’t take care of others.

Thank you for reading, hoping my journey and things helped. I honestly it’s been a year since all this went down, it’s been the best change I could have ever done. Focus on you. Find things that bring you joy, I found coaching, drawing, outdoors and just being with my family, no technology helped me and it changed my life.