My Vocal Journey

By now you've probably seen this statement in the advertising or heard it a million times but I am afraid I am being sheep with the statement. Above all Vocal has given me a platform to express my voice whether that be through guides, creative pieces, or maybe even a review or two. There are so many wordsmiths out of there and we now can come together and create a bottomless well of inspiration.

"Artists and Word Smiths alike have no masters in their ranks. We are simply all skilled apprentices thriving for the never-ending knowledge and skills that come with the trade." For me, this quote is one of the truest.

There is no right or wrong skill to refine or way to create the finished piece. We are working with the vision of the mind and that's, to be honest, our minds are complex beings that are always exploding with possible methods while adapting the vision along the way. I am going to let you in on a little secret ...

A month or so before I joined Vocal I was offered three none exclusive book deals. Which I stumbled across on a Facebook group for writers. I had finalised the initial process of signing and setting up my drafts on their system. Unfortunately, our determined nature emeries struck together and so it seemed writer's block and my inner self-critique was winning the mental battle within myself. I believed I was being selfish and taking an opportunity away from someone that needed it.

The self-sabotage baby these two enemies make is real and it's hard to not nature its growth into a spoiled child rather them discipline it into the self-belief child. Every baby needs a parent for guidance and as any parent will tell you there is no more difficult job than holding someone else's life and wellbeing in your hands twenty-four hours a day, every day.

None of us is perfect and my nature took over but while browsing through Vocal and seeing the bravery of others I took a gamble putting a few scene drafts up. It was a bit disheartening at first as it took a while for me to get my first view. However, when it did my self-belief child was in a candy store. My name was officially already out there and I wouldn't take two steps back to be a quitter. I was too strong for that, I had overcome too much.

It was at that moment I found myself walking towards the mirror. On approach, I saw her as clear as a summer sky, a thirteen-year-old me staring back at me.

The thirteen-year-old stood up in court in a fight to have her blood put behind bars. A girl that had taken years of abuse in place of her sibling despite being the outcast of the family. A girl that would eat in the school toilets to avoid the other children wanting out the playground to throw liquids over. A girl that even as a young adult got urine thrown over her for being too far ahead in her college work. The same girl that would go back to the world outside the gates that thought she was too stupid to accomplish anything independently. The young woman that like many other people considered self-harm with the stress of socialites expectations.

So, I took a very deep breath and looked myself in the eye. One promise was made to myself that out load so it couldn't be taken back.

I will remember we must first walk before we run.

So here I am deconstructing the dam of building blocks my self-sabotage baby have had been natured to build. Currently, trickles of the inspiration fluid are slipping through as I try my hand at the challenges that guild them to cracks of the structure. Even the vividness of ideas that come to me from the challenge description is being acted on. No matter, how much of a strange route it takes me. I am trusting that Vocal has allowed my instinct to build me back up with each step. I am learning to walk again and taking my drafts chapter by chapter.

Soon I will run again, soon my hours of hard work on illustrations will have their intended pairs.