My life the rollercoasters ride so far

Life is a rollercoaster that goes up and down and around in circles when you're an adult you can learn how to change the ride and make it more fun or more comfortable or get off and pick a path it will also go up and down and around in circles at times you just have made the choice of direction and can pick a destination your circles are a sign you need to learn something. Whereas when a child you just enjoy it as much as you can and learn what you use to make choices later.

My childhood was a bumpy upward slope. Then in my teens, we found cancer a brain tumour and I came crashing down into a pool of cold water and a traumatic experience. I had a series of loop the loop’s during treatment which was followed by periods of spirals and circling through negative experiences learning what I lost when I was now and healing slowly.

I am the sister of a multiple disability special person. this of course is eye-opening. Although I was never asked to take a carer role I did it anyway around age 5 when I became more able and aware of here and my parent's needs. I also have a brother interestingly my sister is my mother's child brother is my father's and I'm the one from both. I always said was youngest, oldest and only as a kid due to this and that it seemed to me that my maturity was higher than both of theirs. (My brother grew up of course into a wonderful man in my biased opinion.) We got a bit spoilt at the same time due to my parents I guess compensating for her taking more time and my having more responsibility to take care of myself and her. Offering me a unique perspective and teaching me a lot about supporting people.

I had the parents my friends wanted they also didn't think mum or dad could be stern or that they had any rules. of course, they did we just were always told why and told what the consequences were of breaking them. Believe me, you knew when mum was mad my friends had just never seen it. The same when dad was mad, but mum was the authoritarian more often. Mum would leave you in the shop if pulled the tantrum act so you got scared dad would through a tantrum in response so you were embarrassed not him which worked better on my brother than me I just stopped and laughed at dad I think.

My family has always been open and intelligent, from a young age I was encouraged to problem solve I learnt that if I asked why I couldn't do something and I could make those issues less or alleviate them for my parents i.e. I can't go to a movie because not safe to go alone, so id find a person to accompany me.

I had a good small group of friends as a child we were the most creative at our primary school the group who still played fantasy games at recess and lunch princesses princes fairy and magic we thanked trees for letting us climb them too as in our fantasy books these trees were alive and had dryads in them. I remember guiding her friends through meditations by telling them peaceful stories sometimes. At the time I didn't know that was what I was doing, it was just something I found relaxing, I have a soothing voice and wanted to share the experience.

I've always been a bit of a performer a singer really was in choirs all primary school and at the start of high I was in the choir at the Para-Olympic opening in 2000 and the Olympic closing ceremonies. now I just walk down the street dancing and singing. and sing while bored or anything really.

When I had some weird headaches at 13 (dec 2002) the CT scan found cancer a brain tumour, after surviving a rough, stressful and poisonous, (to kill the bad cells will kill the good as well) treatment schedule. A big challenge for me, my family and my friends. Life stopped moving while they worked to remove it and my physical growth stopped my mental growth slowed right down. I was left with a series of minor disabilities the collected labels being bipolar (manic depression) balance, vision (shadow double in the periphery) and hearing (high range loss) impairments and (hormone deficiencies). I slowly began healing from the traumatic experience in 2004. Physical much faster than mental. We did spend years getting the cocktail of meds right with the support of a psychiatrist, endocrinologist and gynecologist with a check-up with the oncologist and radio oncologist. Can post more about this journey later.

A year after the end of treatment, I started dating. I learnt quite a bit about humanity their emotions and social nuances from the people I was with. Some lessons and experiences have more significance of course, my first showed me a new type of love never having felt romantic love before and introduced me to sex, he somehow ended our relationship with me feeling mutual agreement and satisfaction we became friends, So I learnt there doesn't have to be bad feelings if or when things end. We're still acquaintances we were friends for a while, life changes and distance made that hard. So Facebook only now I'll invite him and his family to my 35th though. The one I dated between 18-20 influenced me to consider the possibilities of relationships with our open arrangement. The longest had a substantial both his 5 years with me and the way he ended the relationship which included minor mental and emotional abuse taught me to really work on my boundaries and communication. I don't think he understood that was what he was doing as he had a childhood of that negativity. I forgive him now but it took a while. he also taught me that the idea of monogamy doesn't resonate well with my heart and core needs. Some of the lessons from the men and women I have seen in between and since, have taught me to take pleasure from life, my boundaries, how different people are, what some of my faults were that I need to change, that I am well and truly bisexual and polyamorous and many more.

I hope for and give this wish to all the People from my past and who will be in my future “May you learn and grow to be the best you can and have wonderful lives! and I am grateful for all their roles in mine.

I kept going to school through treatment and with the support of my school teachers and disability support unit I finished year 10 when I was at school the teacher or my disability support volunteer Sandra sat down with me to go through work. this was Including hospitality cert 2, for my love of food which I only got through thanks to special classes for practicals because in years 10 11 and 12 I was adjusting my medications to find my cocktail to balance symptoms and side effects to be best for me at this stage. I was on allowed at school when I wasn't depressed, or manic, and I didn't look under the influence of something illicit. I did 3/4 of the year 12 certificate because I was supposed to do a year 13 so could spread it out, I just didn't think I needed science, maths and or English, (Which may have been helpful for the writing I'm now drawn to do.) I did complete business studies and business services because I knew I was going to have a business just wasn't sure what type yet. I tried Animal Care during high school and after then did a cert 3 in Companion Animals, tried Event Management was just too big for me I was thinking of running kids' parties not darling harbour events, and then I found bakery courses. I love baking. I also tried uni food science degree at which point I learnt how wrong I was about the academic subjects they would have been very helpful. Chemistry class got to me, the focus being molecular confused me so much. I was used to baking and the chemical reactions I create on the scale of food not the chain of atoms in things. I didn't care that sugar is (C12H22O11) arranged in 2 rings with bits hanging off sides. What relevance is the name of that configuration to how sugar, butter, flour, milk and egg make a cake? At the time that just was too obscure and I wasn't able to make myself repeat it till I understood properly as most people do. After 3 attempts, I gave up on the entire degree with 1/3 done.

In 2015 12 years after cancer had changed my life and I was fresh from the breakup of the 5-year romance. I was ready to move on and grow. I wanted to do it fast but as many people need to learn and understand good things take time to learn or build and it takes time to heal. I started doing personal development programs with a few groups after a while I connected with EQ events" completing their PSI and Life Design courses in Sydney. I failed to take the action for the knowledge however and my life improvement seemed tiny to me, I found myself blocked all the time I procrastinated, I avoided, I struggled to make myself do the things that would improve my life and heal my past. I took chips off the sculpture of myself and painted my life vision stroke by stroke with long breaks that let the paint dry. I was never completing anything in the time span suggested by my teachers. Doing this I've learnt a lot about what not to do to stay focused, motivated and succeed. 6 months later I kept seeing signs to become a coach and a Facebook advert for The Life Coaching College came up, it looked like just what I needed. I dove in and completed the live classes NLP, Hypnosis and Life Coaching. I didn't make myself do the online work I was avoiding and procrastinating. I wound up doing the coaching course through Eq as well hoping would push me towards starting a business it did. and I wasn't prepared or passionate enough or something so it failed. Covid didn't help but then this is the kind of business that can be entirely online. It also gave me a second coaching perspective. I wound up signing up for a third coaching course through The coaching institute in 2019 when I got stuck again and had money from my fathers passing spent over a year going back and forth to Melbourne so could do live classes as I learn better in person than the time to complete ran out and instead of paying for extended course access I paid for marketing access with the last of my funds and not long after that I realised I need to restart from scratch, not spend time selling and I dont have funds to do so. I've thought I need to write my life story for cathartic and personal interest/learning reasons, hopefully, my lessons will help others without them needing to go through that. I think I could write the program I was playing with for my business as a book too. still, I will write what I can get myself to and mostly I seem to be getting inspired by the challenges so that's what gets posted. I need to keep learning, to keep going to things, the more classes I do, the more books I read, the better I can make my life and the more I can share when I find people who need it.