Memory Keepers

Memory Keepers By Nina Waddington

Death does not need to be lost forever in grief; instead, it can spark laughter, stories, and somber contentment. Indeed, with guidance, people can learn to find joy after loss, but the road is challenging and often isolating and dark. I am teaching this through my writing, but my work has just begun.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if people could navigate how to climb out of the darkness of grief? Unfortunately, the onus to understand the labyrinth of death and loss is usually put on those already suffering. Those faced with the death of a loved one then have the added burden of learning to live with loss, mourning themselves,all while teaching others how to talk about death.

This isn't fair. We don't talk about death enough because it makes people uncomfortable. How selfish we are to not help with that, don't you think?

My friend's son died of cancer. How many nights have I laid awake wondering how anyone moves on from that? I've asked myself so many times what I could do to help?

Out of tragedy came my true life's passion, writing and connecting people with similar life stories. Really, this essay is not about me but rather honoring the people who have crossed paths with me. So many people I know have faced trauma, and it's their lived experiences that have sparked a creative passion in me. Most stories on bookshelves are about life and the adventures one takes in it. Mine is about the process of finding joy after grief through the memories left behind.

People who have faced trauma are the reason I wrote my novel. They continue to motivate me to put words on a page. They have provided justification that at 50, I should pause to re-evaluate my life's path. I have picked the pieces of my life that compliment my true passions, and using writing, art, and teaching, I look forward.

I am so grateful. Despite hardships, I am so fortunate to have avoided the anguish of a sudden or early death of a loved one. I have, however, crossed paths with so many people who have. They so gracefully afford my world their knowledge of how one continues to smile in a world where they have lost:

A parent.

A sibling.

A friend.

A partner.

A child.

They are my heroes, so graciously continuing to live while encouraging others to find contentment after trauma. They nurture even with a gaping hole in their life. They find peace when days throw constant reminders at them of what is missing. I can't imagine such pain. They are all inspirations to me.

It's extraordinary when I think back upon my life's path and the little pieces that led me here. Yet, my true calling was embedded in all of those connections and adventures. I just needed time to reflect upon them all.

Let me back up a little.

Here are but some of them.:

• Friends lost their son to cancer.

• My marriage broke down, and I left, faced lots of challenges, but powered through.

• I found myself in a teaching role, supporting refugee students with trauma.

• I did a lot of personal learning on suffering and how people react, respond, rebuild.

• In fourteen months, thirteen deaths of friends young and old included a plane crash that killed a couple, a middle-aged man who died while skiing, an athlete of a brain aneurysm at a wedding, and a high school friend and colleague of breast cancer.

• Work brought with it more and more students needing mental health supports. I'm a teacher, not a psychologist.

• I learned about listening, validating, and learning about the hundreds of ways people process stress.

• Students connected to my novel, The Memory Keepers, thus helping them with their own losses of parents to cancer.

• Hundreds of other readers connected to it too.

• At a suicide support session, I learned of a personal connection to a tragedy, at which point I experienced my own trauma and went inward and dark. And solitary.

• Five months later, through hard work and perseverance, I healed and built myself out of that hole and then covid hit.

• Isolation again.

• With covid came sicknesses at my workplace and within my circles, which led to further isolation with back-to-back quarantines.

• Then I fell down my stairs.

• In the third covid lockdown, I broke my ankle and had to undergo surgery. I was stuck in a bed for eight weeks. Ten weeks later, I'm just learning to walk again.

These all sparked my thinking about a change in my life's path. I thought, maybe the world is trying to tell me something. Everything happens for a reason, right?

This whole journey has taught me the importance of turning to the things that bring me contentment to feel grounded in a spiraling world. Writing affords me the mental health supports I need. I then give it to the world around me in the form of healing words and stories. Those who are grieving, in turn, teach me the pieces I need to authenticate my words further, to make my stories more accurate for those living within that loss. It is mutually beneficial in so many ways.

While learning about trauma and finding contentment, I wrote a novel, The Memory Keepers. It is about grief, loss, love, reconnection, and the joy that memories bring. I am currently writing the sequel. I live a life where I find myself immersed in memories of people, places, or different times. I now have a deep belief in synchronicity and all the seemingly coincidental and magical things that happen through my days that spark such memories. I've learned that they are meant to be there, to create a stronger bond between one's psyche, mindset, and the world. My writing has brought contentment to so many. Readers have reported using the underlying message to feel real, authentic connections to people who have passed on.

Through all of this, I have realized that I am meant to be a writer. My job as a teacher has often held me back; my most creative time is usually in the dead of night. It is hard to write from 11 p.m. to 3 a.m., only to get up to work in the morning and teach! I chose to teach because I grew up in a world where writing was considered a hobby. Writing was something that never could pay the bills. It rarely can. We still live in a society where an essay that gets 100% is not valued as highly as a math score of 95. This is reflected in the corporate world too, where business, science, information technology, or a mathematical mindset are rewarded far above the imaginative brilliance that brings attention to a brand. Movies make millions, but the writers' names fade, long behind the actors, directors, and producers who quite literally take that creative genius and run.

What do we have without the words of the writers? Should we not place more importance on the creative mind? Could I not provide this spark to our students and my other readers too?

My dream to make writing my career has always been frowned upon. It's so strange to me. I am good at it. Really good at it. No one frowns upon a good salesperson. No one frowns upon a fantastic athlete or talented doctor. So why is it that creative aspirations aren't afforded the same value in society?

Written words are not only entertainment.

They inspire.

They educate.

They promote.

They heal.

Everywhere.

Grief is also universal.

My goal is to use written words to bridge the experiences of all the people I have crossed paths with and bring their authentic stories to others suffering from mental health and loss. I'll do this by continuing to create stories about the days, weeks, months, and years after a loss. My blogs will invite people to share, collaborate, grieve, and find joy in the connections they make to their loved ones now gone, and the friends, family, and strangers who have lived similar trauma. All around the world. For example, the blog www.memoryportal.ca is a platform for people to share those magical synchronicity stories of coincidences that connect them with loved ones who have passed away. My other blog, www.ninawriter.com, is another site where I share stories of adversity to build empathy. My stories are not religious, rather absolutely inclusive to all. I will also continue to inspire young writers by connecting my novel to their classrooms and then bridging a human connection by listening to their curiosities and answering their questions. My school program will send ebooks and a teacher's guide to classrooms and then join them in virtual meetings to open up authentic conversations about trauma, grief, reconnection, writing, publishing, and careers in this industry. I'll sit in on their discussions to spark passion in them too.

Vocal could give me the boost to set this really in gear, while Memberful will allow me the ease needed to bridge groups and grow my client base. As a result, I'll connect with more people and classrooms around the world.

It's a match made in heaven. Pun intended.

People want their experiences and stories to be validated. They find solace in connecting to others with similar paths. However, the world tends to be a place where one can easily get lost and forgotten after loss. Struggles force people into silence as they isolate themselves in dark places. I am fortunate to have found a true calling. I get to use writing in a way that benefits the well-being of so many around the world. How wonderful it would be to bring the world together to learn how to get past loss? Collaboratively.

Everyone is worthy of compassion, empathy, a sense of belonging, and space to share and heal. No matter our experiences with trauma in our histories, we deserve to find contentment in life. When the world seems to be more and more divided, this would be the most beautiful start.

I will continue forward in this project. Oh, how wonderful it would be to have you join me. ~ nina