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Losing Your Place

Getting Laid Off From A Job You Love

By Paige GraffunderPublished 4 years ago 4 min read
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Photo by K. Mitch Hodge on Unsplash

I'm a millennial, so I know what being laid off is like. I have been laid off from over 80% of the jobs I have ever had. I have been laid off due to economic crisis, failed company models, startups going bust, and embezzling executives. Being laid off because of a global pandemic is a new one, but not an unexpected one. The United States' response to COVID-19 has been abysmal at best, and because there is still no federal mandate on shelter in place orders, companies have scrambled to work out their new paradigm in this world where closeness can be the death of you.

On the 24th of April, while I was doing my morning work, I got a calendar invitation from my boss with no context. Nothing in the meeting invitation to explain what it was about, and no email explaining what she wanted to talk to me about. This being the 4th wave of layoffs, that effectively wiped out a 3rd of the workforce for my company, I knew what was coming. I dutifully completed my work, and set up fall backs and fail safes to ensure as smooth a transition as possible for those left behind. By the time my meeting happened, I was resolved. I know my management team deeply cares about their employees and any cut backs are hard, my goal in that moment was to make it as painless as possible. Bad corporate management is not the fault of my direct management team, and while I would love to go on a rant about that, this is not a piece for rage, it is a piece for grief.

Make no mistake my friends, grieving is what I am doing. I kept it together as well as I could, but when I saw that my boss had started to cry, I lost it. Here's the thing, as militantly as I push my communist agenda, that doesn't mean I don't love to work. I don't love serving a capitalist system that only serves the top 3% of people, but it does mean that being productive gives me joy. Maybe that is a product of my trauma, that in order to feel worth I need to feel productive. A solid argument could be made in that direction, and I wouldn't really have an option other than to nod my head silently if it was made.

The things I loved about my job were vast and innumerable. I loved my office, it had wonderful views of the city and Puget Sound, it was comfortable and convenient, and while intimidating at first, I grew to feel very at home there. I loved my actual job, the tasks I was given were varied, and shifting, and always interesting. I was never bored at work, but similarly I was rarely overburdened. I loved how my company worked so hard to connect people with jobs and opportunities that they might not have had access to otherwise. I loved how dedicated every single person in that building was to the mission, the job, the people. I loved how everyone in that building could put their head down and work harder than anyone I have ever encountered, and still manage to be silly.

Mostly I will miss my direct team. The people I spent the most time with. My bosses, and coworkers are what really made that job the best I have ever had. I was constantly challenged, and always loved. I knew that at the end of the day all of us would do anything for each other. I feel that way a lot, but it is not often reciprocated and there it was. We joked that our whole department was just one big poly-amorous relationship. We were all close, we all hung out outside of work, we all shared secrets and stories and jokes. I have laughed more in the last year than I have ever in my entire working life. I know that the friends I made there will last a lifetime, and I am so looking forward to growing old and grey with all of them.

To lose them in this way to something so completely out of my control is breathtaking and devastating to me. It may seem silly to others to grieve the loss of a job, but this one is different. I have never grieved like this. Usually by the time the lay off comes, I am so fed up I am ready for it. I would never have been ready to leave my company this time, there is no preparation for being dumped out of one's home. I will return to work as soon as I am mentally able to do so, but for now, I will grieve in my own way. Shut up in my home for my health, with texts to loved ones, and calls to all those I no longer work with.

To everyone who made the last year of my professional life, the absolute best, I thank you. I only wish it could have lasted longer. I will never forget the kindness, the challenge, the intrigue, and the joy I found with you. I hope you can say the same for me.

humanity
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About the Creator

Paige Graffunder

Paige is a published author and a cannabis industry professional in Seattle. She is also a contributor to several local publications around the city, focused on interpersonal interactions, poetry, and social commentary.

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