Joy Pops-Up

One can get so caught up in one’s life that you forget to take time for yourself. The grind and constant activity it seems to take, not just to succeed but to stay afloat at times. I was doing everything in service to my goals that I forgot about finding time for joy in my life. “Self-care” like “grind” is a buzz word with vivid pictures of what it should look like, and how they will serve you. But nothing is one size fits all and the needs of one may not fulfill another. This story is about how I found my joy.

A Bullet Journal is an organizational system that you can cater to your own personal needs. It’s flexible and highly individual. I found the system years before I would apply it. As a highly efficient person operating constantly at 10, I didn’t realize I needed such a system when I first discovered it. I would find it again through my favorite humorist content creator on youtube. I had been watching this creator for years, but in January 2020 she would simply post a video about setting up her bullet journal that would make my heart flutter. It suddenly clicked that a bullet journal could be more than a place to organize myself, but also a way to express myself.

My mind was flooded with ideas for themes for spreads. With each one I started making a pilgrimage to the art supply store for what I needed. Not to source supplies for one of the 150 hours of artistic enrichment I needed to fill, but for ME! I poured myself into creating beautiful things for myself and with it I rediscovered my love for visual art. Each month I’d let my imagination soar then work to bring it to life. It relaxed me and connected me to goals and life in a way I hadn’t expected. I was so present!

Then the pandemic hit and New York City shutdown and everything stopped. I would continue to bullet journal and try to fill my hours being productive in the early part of the pandemic. Even though I am not working, even though I am not auditioning, I thought there is still so much I can do. I looked back and realized that somehow being productive had become a part of what defined me. But what is that really? So, for the first time in as long as I can remember I gave myself permission to stop grinding and in the space I started to paint, draw, watch tutorials, to seek enrichment with no other purpose but to feed my own interest and creativity. I was eventually compelled back to my journal but with a new sense of urgency not to grind but to create space for myself.

Every month I would create a new space for myself. Each one seemed to become more elaborate than the next. I couldn’t stop taking scissors and utility knives to my journal, cutting up the pages of my journal to create dutch doors, tabs, decorative edges, peak throughs. Each month seems to lead me to something else. I started sharing on social media. I am eager to engage with anyone interested in the content.

As if full circle, the same content creator that inspired me to bullet journal announced she was going to cut back until she had something new to share. She used a quote that really spoke to me, “Don’t be afraid to let people see you trying.” It was in that moment that I had the audacity to believe that I had something to share, something to add to the community.

It wasn’t about perfection, it wasn’t about being the best, but simply sharing my creativity and being a part of this global community. I started by sharing a simple flip of the incomplete year. It was the embodiment of the quote I think, since I hadn’t even completed a full year of journaling, but I didn’t let that stop me. It honestly would have before. Sharing my visual art wouldn’t have happened either. These may seem like nothing steps, but for me it was huge. I always measured the worth of my visual art directly with my personal level of talent. But each month now I venture forth creating new things.

My 2021 Bullet Journal set up included a pop-up taught by another YouTube content creator with my own personal creative spin, a Swimming mermaid, a reflection of my recent exploration of black folklore. In January I would explore my passion for textiles creating a spread inspired by Otomi embroidery from Mexico. February, my love of musicals with a Secret Garden theme where I intricately cut out pages of my journal to create a beautiful garden gate over run with foliage. In March a “Don’t Touch My Hair” Pop-Art inspired theme exploring with humor the experiences of black women with natural hair. April featured Lillies and Bunnies evoking memories of Easter at home with my family. I would continue to experiment with concepts cutting and slicing my journal to create books within books. May’s spread would become my most ambitious to date. A Harry Potter themed spread with a pop-up time turner that spins and a moving picture frame. I spent days sketching and cutting and working and reworking trying to figure out how to create this thing I saw in my mind. And I did!

I took another leap and created a digital download of my design. I offered a detailed tutorial of the craft. A friend asked, “Why are you doing all of this for something that you will leave behind in a month?” I thought, “Because it brings me joy!” The process of contemplating and building and creating in my mind. I do it on the train, in bed as I drift off to sleep, and while walking my dog. I take great care in researching and pushing myself to try something new. Not everything is a success. My tendency to want everything to be perfect still exists within the process, but In the end somehow the mistakes don’t matter, because I’m not afraid to let you see me trying!

So I venture forth with my bullet journal finding joy, solace, and never-ending creativity in its pages, all the while moving forward with my goals!