It's not you...

This thing between us... it isn't what you think. It isn't you. It's me. Seriously... all me. That might be why it isn't working out.

As I sit down to write, your wants, desires and needs aren't driving me. Mine are. My first goal is to write what I like. If you like it, too... great. If not, that's ok. It isn't that I don't care, I do. But, if I write for you, you still might not like it. If I write for me, I know one of us will.

That isn't to say that you haven't liked what I've written... and that does give me some joy. It's just that I can't let that drive me. If I do, and I'm wrong, then nobody likes what I created.

That isn't to say I'll write something I think is perfect... even for me. I don't have that much of an ego. I'm imperfect in too many ways to count. My writing is no different. There is always another way to turn a phrase. There is a word that would be just a little better. There is something that character could have done that was ever so slightly more clever or devious.

Don't even get me started on flat-out mistakes. I misspell a word or two, here or there. I make grammatical errors. I try to find them all... fix them all... but I know that I won't. Maybe not ever.

I used to be a perfectionist. It was maddening. I learned a lesson, though. Perfection is the enemy of accomplishment. If it has to be perfect, it will never be done. Ever.

I can't think of a book I have not found at least one mistake it. Especially first editions. Major authors... ones that are making millions of dollars from their writing... with squads of editors and proofreaders. There are still a couple of mistakes that sneak through. It's ok. And if it is ok for them, I decided it had to be ok for me.

You might get upset that you found a typo... I typed ot instead of to, and it slipped past my proofread and edit. I understand. But that is why I'm not writing for you. Because, while it may annoy me, especially here where I have to jump through hoops to fix it, it won't ruin my day. Not even a little.

But it isn't just that.

The first time I wrote here, I created a story called Lucinda's Choice. It was for a challenge... the Little Black Book. It needed a windfall of $20,000 and a black notebook. My story ended with a LOT of questions unanswered. I was allotted 2,000 words, and I used 1997 of them. Three more weren't going to answer the questions... but I was ok with that. I really liked the story, and I decided that was enough.

The next fiction challenge I entered was about a glass of merlot and a first date. Mine was called First Date, Again. The two women are named Liz and Beth. I know that both are derivatives of the name Elizabeth. That was ok with me... I thought it was kind of funny that two women would be lifelong friends and share a name. They found a way around it. You might not have liked it. I did... and that was enough.

The last fiction challenge I entered needed sails on the horizon. I created a story called Widow's Walk. It was a slightly paranormal, nostalgic romance with a little time hop. Honestly, it is the one I like the most of the three. I pushed beyond my comfort zone a little. I hadn't written in first-person narrative before, but I did that for most of this story. Some didn't like the journal entry that I chose to wrap the story. It wasn't perfect... but it was enough. I used every one of my 2000 words.

None of those stories won their challenges. I know that some of you really liked them. I saw the comments. Some didn't... and that's ok, too. Honestly, I didn't expect to win, or even place. In fact, I don't write expecting to get a top story or a feature. Not only am I not writing for you... I'm not writing for anyone else.

If someone finds the story to their liking, that's wonderful. It does make me happy. But it isn't why I wrote it. I wrote the story to find out what happened. The only way for me to know is to pull it out... piece by piece.

If you want to know what happened, you might check out my Amazon Author page. I have eight novels there, with more coming. there are a lot of stories to which I want to find the endings.

Alternately, you could check out my writings here on Vocal. I currently have over 50 pieces here, but that is growing, too. If you enjoy the stories, feel free to click the heart icon if it shows up for you. If not, I'm still glad you took a moment ot give me a read.

(I know I mistyped to in the paragraph above. I typed it wrong... fixed it and then put it back to wrong... because I decided it was ok.)

Thanks,

Lane

;)