In Case of Loss

Daniel had known that they were kicking him out long before he was meant to. After 10 years in foster care listening at closed doors was Daniel’s primary way of staying alive- he wasn’t giving it up now. When the back door slammed shut he looked up from his drawing, and crossed to the window. The foster parents he’d known since he was eight were headed across the field to the barn and something told him he wanted to hear this one. His friend Ben was kicked back on the bed reading Daniel’s comics.

“Hey, wait here I’ll be right back,” Ben who also had earbuds in his ears looked around the comic and sent him a salute. Daniel hadn’t always been the only foster kid in the house, so he was quiet as he slipped out the back and walked softly across the grass to slip into a shadowy spot by the trees along the fence.

At first he felt stupid when he heard what they were talking about- they were planning his birthday; they had a party in mind. Daniel had forgotten about his birthday, but he often did. He remembered the houses before he had come to live with his foster mother and father; sometimes the other kids had birthdays where there was cake, but it never occurred to Daniel that he had birthdays too. Since that day in the park, he felt frozen in time. In the long hallway of the farmhouse, his foster parents had hung pictures of him in pointed hats, his bewildered face splashed with candlelight. He could not remember any other birthdays before his eighth.

“He’ll understand,” he heard his foster father saying in the barn, “Daniel knows we’re not just deserting him- he knows we’ll help him.”

He’d slipped back into his room and closed the door behind him. Ben sat up when he saw Daniel’s face.

“What happened dude, you okay?”

Daniel told him what he’d heard. His head felt light on his shoulders and he tried to reorient himself- it did after all make sense that they were selling up and retiring; all the kids they’d fostered over the years were a blur in Daniel’s mind, some stayed longer than others but there’d been no more for a few years now.

“All our friends are looking to move out at 18,” Daniel said.

“True,” Ben agreed and fell silent for a moment before adding: “Mostly they all know that they don’t have to, and if it doesn’t work out they can go back home.”

After Ben went home Daniel sat on his bed and tried to think about a life beyond this house, the friends he’d been able to make, and his job at the deli. He had allowed himself to get used to everything, but the longing for his family had slept next to him at night, and lifted itself out of bed with him each day. Daniel couldn’t fully explain why, but he felt he could never stop waiting for them. As a little boy every night he made up a new reason they hadn’t come that day. He’d lay in bed telling himself that his family knew he had a sleepover at Ben’s and they didn’t want him to miss it, they’d be there to get him afterward. With this held in his mind, Daniel would fall asleep while his foster brothers slept all around him.

At closing time, Ben pulled up outside the deli where Daniel was taking out trash. Ben rolled his old white Pinto to a stop and got out.

Ben called across the lot, “Hey Buttface, you put all the food away yet?”

“I’m glad to see you or I’d break your ass,” Daniel laughed as he pushed open the door and dodged a knucklecrack on his head.

“Whatever, make me a sandwich,” Ben said and slapped a five on the counter.

Daniel put the five in the register and made Ben a turkey sandwich while he talked about basketball practice. Ben settled down with his food and started eating.

“Oh hey,” Ben said around a mouthful of sandwich, “I picked up something for you at the comic shop.” He held out a flyer pinched between two mustardy fingers.

Daniel took it and read it, and when he did, he started to smile.

“You’re a good friend Ben, but I don’t think anyone is going to pay me for my drawings of Moon Night- pretty sure Don Perlin is collecting that check already.” Daniel chuckled, “20k would be nice to have right about now that’s for sure.”

“I’m saying you should draw your own stuff and submit it- Hoyce said so too; he’s the one who saved the flyer for you. Besides, it’s two pages, that’s easy right?”

Daniel shouldered his mop and considered the flyer for a minute. I won’t win, he thought, but what could it hurt to submit some of his art?

“I don’t know, maybe. Thanks for getting it for me; I’ll think about it.”

On the way to Daniel’s house Ben asked, “Hey, you talk to your foster parents yet? They called my mom about your birthday.”

“No, but I think I will soon- I saw some moving boxes in the back of the barn, I turn 18 in a few weeks and then school is over. Once that magic number rolls around I’m not the state’s problem anymore; I’m nobody’s problem except my own.” Daniel tried not to sound as worried as he felt.

“I never thought about your 18th being different than anyone else’s, but it is. Dude my parents piss me off sometimes, but I don’t know about life without them, I can’t picture it.”

“I’ve had foster parents who were bad, I told you about it,” Daniel shrugged, “My foster mom and dad are good, I got lucky landing there. It’s not that I don’t know how to do the basics like buy food and not get my girlfriend pregnant- I just don’t know what to do with life- all the basic shit feels too hard.”

Ben pulled to a stop in front of Daniel’s house and let the car idle. His blond eyebrows were furrowed when he looked at Daniel.

“I don’t know where this imaginary girlfriend came from,” he gave Daniel a light punch on the arm, “But you can always hang out with me and my family- you’re my brother. Besides, you could always just go rack up some college debt like the rest of us,” Ben laughed as Daniel started to get out.

“Thanks man, I’ll take it under consideration.” Daniel laughed.

When he walked in the kitchen his foster mother was there making dinner. There was a box on the table like the kind they kept student files in at school, except this one had his name on the side.

“Hi Daniel, I’m making breakfast for dinner- you want a waffle and some eggs?”

“Sure, thanks. Is this box for me?”

She handed him a plate filled with food, “It is for you, you want to eat first or open it?” Daniel gave her a sideways look, “Okay,” she smiled, let’s sit.”

Daniel placed his hand on top,“Do you already know what’s in it?”

“Yes, do you want me to stay?”

He nodded and removed the lid. Inside was a brown leather bag. He pulled it out, there was nothing else. It had settled into a musty flat square, but he could tell it wasn’t empty. He opened it to find a long receipt slip that had turned dark and unreadable, and a black notebook. Right away he liked how it felt, the cover was slightly textured and a ribbon bookmark hung out of the bottom. On the inside cover were the words: In Case of Loss, but there was no name on the line underneath. His foster mother was quiet while he studied the one and only drawing on the creamy, unlined paper inside; it was an excellent drawing of Daniel as a little boy.

“You already know that when the police found you in the park you were alone- we don’t know what happened to your people Daniel, but this was with you.” She placed her hand lightly on his, “We weren’t allowed to give it to you sooner, and you were already struggling…” She trailed off.

Daniel stared at the likeness of himself, it wasn’t enough. He hadn’t even expected the notebook and it still wasn’t enough, nothing would ever fill in for the family he’d lost.

“I don’t think I’ll ever really know who they were, but I’m glad to have this.” He ran a hand over the smooth paper, “Maybe I’ll draw in it too.”

“Daniel, I know you heard your Dad and I talking about selling the house.” She wasn’t angry, but he still felt bad. She smiled, “We’ve known about your listening habit for awhile but we should have been more careful. We won’t desert you Daniel, you stick with us too okay?”

Daniel studied the stacks of moving boxes while he waited for Ben to pick him up. The packing was going slow because his mother insisted on going through everything- this was okay with Daniel. His father was mowing the lawn and he waved as Daniel and Ben drove away.

“So, I didn’t make it out of the second round of that art contest,” Daniel said as he buckled his seatbelt.

“What! Those peasants! They don’t know a good thing when they see it!” Ben was mutinous.

“Let’s go to the comic book store, Hoyce asked me to stop in and meet a friend of his. Also, I need to drown my sorrows and I got money for my birthday,” Daniel chuckled.

Hoyce was filling mailboxes with new comic releases when Daniel and Ben came in.

“Gentlemen! Come in, I’m done.” He finished working his way down the row of boxes, crinkled the wrappers in his large hands and tossed the wrappers.

“How soon until you’re outta the salt mines guys?”

“One week, but we’ve pretty much turned in all our work- huge relief.” Daniel answered.

“Excellent!” Hoyce slapped a big hand on Ben’s back, “I read about your basketball scholarship in the paper! Well done sir!”

Ben laughed, “Thanks, if Daniel hadn’t helped me with English I would’ve been in trouble.”

“Come on back, I want you to meet my friend.” Hoyce walked ahead of theem to his office.

A woman dressed in a light grey suit rose to meet them as they entered.

Hoyce had to duck his bald head a little to go through his own doorway, “Daniel, Ben,” he gestured them forward, “This is Melinda, she’s been my friend for thirty years; she’s also the director of the art school in town,” everyone shook hands and Hoyce bade them sit.

“Hoyce has been showing me some of your art Daniel- it’s excellent. Have you thought of going to school for it?” She pushed blond hair off her shoulder as she sat.

Daniel’s mouth was dry, he snuck a look at Ben who looked as surprised as Daniel felt.

“I’m still trying to figure out what to do,” he answered.

Melinda went straight to the point, “I think you belong at my school,” she pulled a white folder out her bag and handed it to him, “You can take this home, it has our offer of a $20,000 scholarship, as well as some information about transferring your credits from high school.” She rose and collected her bag, and the men hustled to their feet. “I’m sorry to cut this short, I have a meeting back at school. I hope to hear from you Daniel.” She kissed Hoyce’s cheek and was gone.

“Thank you,” Daniel said, but she had already gone. He and Ben stared at each other in shocked silence while Hoyce saw Melinda out.

“Looks like I’m going to art school.”

“Go kick the door in my friend.” Ben laughed.

The End