I Needed You to Find Myself
Thank you Selena, for the anthem.
Heartbreak of any kind can be like getting dealt a bad hand in any card game. Heartbreak from friendships, relationships or even memories. I think people would never think of having a heartbreak from a memory. But when I listen to Selena Gomez's new song, I think of the heartbreak from a two and a half year relationship that I had with coffee, aka my old job. I saw the signs that it was not going to be my forever, I gave it my all by memorizing all of this towns' coffee orders. I needed to lose that job to find myself, and realize my worth in anything. I would've never honestly thought about losing that job would be as hard as it was. I loved, breathed and dreamt about that job. It was my everything, and everyone around me knew it. When I lost the job, I cried the whole way home, and had no idea what I was going to do with the rest of my life. I contemplated so many job ideas, and nothing honestly made any sense. I had finally gotten a job at a local grocery store, that led me to meeting whom I call my "little sister," and a few other amazing people. After that job, I never in a million years would think I would go back to making coffee for people. But here I am, waking up early again to make people coffee, and loving every moment of it. Yes, waking up at 2:30 in the morning two days a week to open is exhausting, but my coworkers make it worth it. We never honestly realize how much we see certain people during the week until we really think about it. We see our coworkers around 20-40 hours a week, and sometimes that is more than we see our own family. When coming into this job that I have now, the beginning was exactly like my first job, and I saw the signs this time, but handled it in a completely different way; and for that I am completely proud of myself. My first job taught me a lot of things, and for that I am forever grateful but the one thing it didn't teach me, was how to lose the first love of your life. In the end, it did; but not for a very long time. Even to this day, my Timehop is of memories of that job, and I am continuing to choose to not dwell on the past; but man, did I miss a lot of the signs... Being a barista for two and a half years at a place where dreams were made to come true, was exhilarating in some parts. Holiday launches were fun because the flavors to this day are my favorite. Chestnut Praline in my Chai will forever be my staple now. I learned how to work, how to be independent in my own worth and about friendships. I will never forget the friendships I thought I had. But those friendships taught me for future friendships that were similar, and boy do circles just keep going sometimes. I think the thing I miss most is the connections I made with certain customers, and to this day—I will never forget them. This job will forever be apart of who I am, and who I was. Dealing with this heartbreak has not been the easiest, but I am making it. Strides everyday, and every moment. I have some of the best coworkers at my job now, and I am forever thankful for that. Being a barista for some people is just a paycheck, but for me it will always be about connections with people just by handcrafting a beverage or handing them a coffee. I am forever meant to be a barista, and I am thankful God has shown me that. Here's to the heartbreak of my first love, and to many more, but in that it is more of a lesson than anything. I needed to lose that job, to find my true calling—and no matter what I am thankful to be a barista