I Am Not Writing For You

I’m not writing for you. Or anyone else, for that matter. I am writing for myself. If someone happens to find me in the sea of voices and egos, and realises they are not alone, they are seen and understood; then, that is a bonus.

I guess I am writing for myself because I don’t speak to anyone. I cannot speak to my children from the very things I am protecting them from, my friends or family. I cannot speak the words boiling away in my spirit aloud.

So… I guess I write for myself, the one who hasn’t arrived yet. The one who lets doubt creep in. The one who allows the imposter to manipulate the senses, coercing me into giving up the pen.

I received my first official rejection this week, a milestone for any aspiring writer. It provided the imposter with a fresh meal, yet my own hand overrode the feeding, and I began writing this.

Gosh, my poor journal, neat, scruffy, full of useless facts, terrible drafts and plenty of spelling errors a red pen would adore. It doesn’t know what it is; I don’t think I even know. Yet, when I look back…

I always ask the same question: I wrote this?

[How I ask the question depends on the quality of the writing, the intonation and specific lexical emphasis.]

All I know for sure, as does my beloved journal. I cannot, won’t stop writing. I am bound to the art of language. There’s no escaping it. That first rejection is one of many, heading straight for the “spite folder.” A reminder to keep going. A channel for my doubts.

This rejection has made me understand what it truly means to “work hard”. It’s not doing long hours, hard graft, and tough work. It is resilience, it is patience, it is faith. It’s to know not to buckle under the weight of quitting. Not to succumb to the identity of failure.

So here is me, working harder. Writing for myself, so when I look back, I will see my rejections aligning me to my victory.

_________________________________________________

*Originally posted to Substack.

If you like what I do, don't forget to like and subscribe! Follow me on Threads and YouTube for unhinged posts and TV show recommendations; sometimes I use it as an open journal.

***This part has nothing to do with the piece above; this is just me trying to reach the word count to get this approved, as Vocal has a minimum word limit, which I think is a bit silly.

I think Vocal is a great platform for building the confidence to post your work, espeically if you are a fresh writer who doesn't know where to start.

I have an article from many moons ago about finding your writer's voice, so if you're struggling to find your flair, check it out.

I still have over 100 words left, so now we are really just small-talking with a bunch of pixels, which obviously, as a level one autistic, I absolutely love. Okay, just eighty words to go now, so I am nearly there to meet these silly requirements.

I hate limits.

Sixty left now; can I do it?! Can I?!

I hope everyone is having a good week. What have you got planned for the weekend? Great, now I am whipping out the hairdresser small-talk Bible.

Has anyone seen Silo, by the way? Really good show, and a new season drops next month. And I highly recommend Widows Bay.

Two words.***

Stay safe out there, be kind, and I hope to see you around!