How to Make Millions Writing

I read a lot of articles with headlines like the one above.

The writer boasts that they've generated vast amounts of money by writing online for only 30 minutes a day. The writer is always eager to share the secret to their success. So generous of them. All you need to do is click on the link to sign-up for their $695 two-week online course titled, "How to Make Millions Writing Online." And the price is only $199 if you enroll within the next hour. A digital timer will then pop up and begin the count down, ticking off the seconds until decision time.

Can't swing the $199? You are in luck. Enlist three friends to buy the course at full-price, and you will receive a secret discount code so you can enroll for free! (Pay only $39.99 admin fees.) And they'll even include a digital download of their ebook, well, more of a pamphlet, How to Make Millions Writing Online.

Don't have three wealthy friends? Well, you can buy a plush "I Am A Writer!" lap blanket, T-shirts, commuter mugs and cell phone cases emblazoned with inspiring writerly quotes, just $19.95 each, to encourage you on your writing journey.

If the various sources of income the "writer" generates were graphed, it would resemble one of those food pyramids with the broad base being things completely unrelated to writing, the middle part being things distantly related to writing, the narrow top being slightly related to writing, and only the very tip top thimble-sized peak representing actual things written. Mainly ad copy selling all the other stuff.

The only way anyone is going to make a quick million writing is if they happen to compose on the back of a winning lottery ticket.

Are you feeling lucky?

Creative writing classes often encourage aspiring wordsmiths with motivational ideas such as, "Everyone has a story to tell." And "Only you can tell your unique story."

What they don't say is that not everything written is worth reading.

Ouch.

Too harsh? Maybe. But can you imagine if at your first piano lesson the teacher gushed, "Only you can play piano like you!" It might build up your self esteem but would you then expect to sell-out Carnegie Hall with your two-fingered rendition of Chopsticks?

Probably not.

But when it comes to writing, everyone wants a shortcut to success.

Would I like to write off the top of my head and compose a masterpiece? Of course. Is it going to happen? OF COURSE NOT!

Writing, like every other craft, like every other skill, like every other anything, requires hours if not years of practice. When print publishing was the only goal for writers, they faced a Homeric odyssey challenged by one-eyed agents and six-headed editors and the real danger of disappearing forever into the wine dark sea of submissions.

Now there's an enter button.

And I'm about to hit it!

To make million$$$!!!

Honestly, I'll be happy if a few people read it and comment positively.

That's the reality of the new writing odyssey. One feels less like a brave adventurer battling scary monsters and more like a lonely hitchhiker standing on a Los Angeles freeway with a thumb up during rush hour.

Will anyone notice?

As a former journalist for a regional daily newspaper, I earned a decent enough living. My articles were fairly regularly reprinted in newspapers nationwide. Reporters did not earn additional money for reprints but the idea that editors I’d never met chose to devote precious page space to something I wrote was exciting. A clipping service used to snail mail writers the printed articles -- literally clipped from newspaper pages -- and it was a special thrill to open a manilla envelope stuffed full of your byline stories and see how different graphic designers illustrated your work.

But we all know what happened to daily newspapers.

So I turned to online platforms.

At times I feel I'm writing a message in a bottle and tossing it out to sea in hopes someone somewhere finds it.

All this is to say, my financial expectations as a writer posting to online platforms is modest to pathetic.

I've tried so many. Tumblr. Wattpad. Red Room. I've looked at others including WordPress and Squarespace but never bit the bullet. I'm thrilled to say, nearly 50K people follow my writing on Ello but, alas, it is a platform that is not monetized.

On most writing platforms, it seems writing about writing proves most popular. That's probably a good sign. It indicates people want to learn how to improve their craft.

I am not qualified to teach writing.

The only advice I have for anyone interested in writing is simple: Read. Write. Learn. Repeat.

Research in 1993 by Anders Ericcson, a professor of psychology at Florida State University, suggested it takes about 10,000 hours of intensive practice to master a skill. Putting in the time, he more recently pointed out, doesn't guarantee mastery.

I am living proof of that.

And still I write.

I write despite having no products or services to sell. I write without expectations of generating even a modest income. I write with acceptance now of my own mediocrity.

Sounds like fun, right?

Write.