How POSE Changed My Entire View on The Transgender Community

**If you haven't seen POSE beware the potential spoilers ahead**

OPINIONS ARE LIKE ASSHOLES. EVERYONE HAS ONE BUT WE DON'T NEED YOU TO SHARE IT.

Something I've always prided myself on, is my ability to change my opinion when presented with new evidence. Some people call that fickle. I call it avoiding remaining ignorant. For example, I was anti abortion for many years, until someone close to me told me their story. I listened and it humbled me. I also used to be an anti-vaxxer. I know, I know. For shame. Hold the pitch forks though cause I did say used to be. When my son turned one I refused to give him the MMR vaccine as my head had been wildly turned by the idea that this vaccines causes autism in children, the fact that my son was already presenting with signs of ASD apparently didn't factor in to young, first time Mum Clara's mind. Of course James went on to be diagnosed with ASD regardless and I had him vaccinated and when my daughter was born (who is also showing signs of ASD and I had by this time found out I have it myself as does my father) I was fully on board with the MMR vaccination. I had in fact realised as an ASD mother, that I would rather have children that were autistic and alive than two who weren't and who passed away from something that was entirely preventable.

The one thing, I couldn't seem to wrap my head around, was transgenderism. It did not compute. I was one of those people that openly shared my opinion, loudly and way to often, that it was a mental health disorder, a form of body dysmorphia rather than something that needed to be legitimised. I was adamant that should either of my children come forward with these new fangled ideas of wanting to transition to a different gender, it would be straight down to the Psychologists office for a good dose of, 'get your head out of your ass' therapy. I was so so wrong.

When James was very young, I allowed his biological father and a subsequent boyfriend to say things to him like, 'man up,' when he was crying. This is a part of my mothering journey I am not particularly proud of. I am only glad that I was able to see the error of my ways before it was too late.

LOCKDOWN REVELATIONS

Just like many of us, lockdown meant a lot of date nights spent Netflix and chilling and for those of us that are also parents, there's no hidden meaning there, because it's just attempting to actually stay awake while the images flutter past our half open eyes.

In early April, I settled down and popped on Ryan Murphy's Pose. It came up in my suggestions most likely due to my obsession with Ru Paul's Drag Race. I am a big fan of Billy Porter who plays Pray Tell so that was enough to pique my interest.

Every single episode of Pose was a jab to my heart. The character development, the story, the pain and the joy in it was astounding. I fell in love with the characters. I cared about their pasts and their presents and I was invested in their futures.

The AIDS epidemic was something that I knew of, but the mass graves, the way patients were left to rot with nurses refusing to even bring them their food, killed me. The world seemed content to let the die. Blaming them for their own demise because of their perceived moral failings.

One of the story lines that really moved me was that of Elektra Wintour, portrayed by Dominique Jackson. Elektra has been entangled in a sexual relationship with a wealthy gentleman, Dick Ford, for a decade. He gives her a monetary allowance that allows her to live a heightened lifestyle and look after the other members of her House. Elektra is desperate to complete her image transition as she sees her genitals as a part of her that does not belong there, she knows that having surgery to change that will also change her life. Ford makes it clear that if she does that she will lose him and essentially be turfed out onto the streets. Despite this, she goes ahead with the surgery and true to his word he finishes with her and discards her as if the last ten years meant nothing to him.

I believe this had such a profound effect on me because I was proud of Elektra. She knew what she stood to lose and she did it anyway because it was more important to be the best version of herself, than remain a version of herself that fit another's specifications. I wanted her to find love with someone that truly adored her for herself, not saw her as some sexual object.

As I continued to watch, I saw the characters shunned by the people who were supposed to love them the most. No one chooses that kind of life if they have any other option. No one chooses to be ridiculed by society and by their own families. No one would put themselves through that kind of heartbreak if they had any other choice.

THE CHANGES IN MY FAMILY

I started to think about my children. Being bisexual myself and finding acceptance from my own Catholic mother, I had always known that should either of my children 'come out' to me it wouldn't change how I felt about them. For a while however, I really struggled with the concept that one of them might feel they were born in the wrong body and I knew I would fight it. After watching POSE, I know I would embrace it.

My children's lives are entirely their own. Whatever they need to do to lead their best lives, I will be behind them. We don't support gender stereotypes at all in the household.

James wears dresses when he wants, Rosaleen wears her brother's clothes when she wants. When we go shopping they can choose from either section. Whatever activities one does, so does the other and they can choose which they prefer. James takes ballet and he is learning to box, Rosaleen does the same. They both wear makeup, they do the same chores, they are both encouraged to cook and bake and they are both encouraged to help with DIY where they can. I'm taking a mechanics course and I will teach both of my children what I learn. James plays with dolls and robots and so does Rosaleen. Their rooms are pretty much gender neutral. James has pink wallpaper and a pink velvet headboard and also has a batman duvet cover and navy blue wallpaper. Rosaleen has pink wallpaper and Avengers wallpaper because she liked it. James is never told to man up and Rosaleen is never encouraged to be anything less than the little tom boy she is, in fact her Uncle likes to refer to her as feral and we're all very proud of that.

If ever either of my children come to me and say they feel like they were born in the wrong body or that they don't want to identify as a specific gender at all, I'll support their decision.

WATCH POSE

If you haven't seen POSE, you need to. If it doesn't change your life then I don't know what will.