How I Found My Craft in the Mile High City

As a young actor, I made the same mistake that many others in my shoes have made, perceiving LA as synonymous with successful acting. I quickly learned that most individuals in LA could care less about whether or not you can actually act. Audition after audition, bad job after bad job, the number one thing I learned is that they just care about the resume (and sometimes even Instagram followers). After two years, it broke me down to a bitter and depressed individual with a deflated sense of self worth. I stepped out of the metro, coming home from my day job, and looked in front of me, Hamilton playing at the Pantages Theater. I literally fell to my knees in tears thinking to myself "I'm done, I will never be that." A play that once inspired me now stood as a titanic symbol of the impossible. I did not care for the hustle, or for the competition. I cared to be a great actor and I was at the point that I didn't believe I could ever become that. When my apartment lease was up, I freed myself and flew to Denver. I no longer had the intention of being an actor.

I moved in with my sister, we both grew up in small town CO, and I wanted to be in the mountains again where people were good and kind (compared to LA) and I could get a fresh start as.... a park ranger. I channeled my inner Ron Swanson and thought I could just wander through the woods for the rest of my life. I got a job to save up for college (which I never actually worked toward), a job in a furniture warehouse. For ten hours a day, I found myself moving furniture, making good money but losing every bit of my heart. I drank, my girlfriend broke up with me, and I fell apart at my seams. On a whim, I joined a class at the Denver Center for the Performing Arts. I took an intro class. Now I'm not an introductory actor, but I figured I would throw away my useless pride and start again at the basics and thank fucking god I did. Once a week the shit that had piled up in my soul was flushed out. I stopped drinking. I found some peace in my tortured mind. I figured out that no matter where I am, I can always be an artist.

One month ago I quit my job at the furniture warehouse. I now have two performances coming up, and more in the works. A few weeks before I decided to move, I was in a deep battle with my depression. I had written a suicide note. I had given up hope of a future. Now I see my potential and I believe that I can become something again. The beauty of this city and the richness of theatre in this city is absolutely beautiful. I hope that I can be a part of this industry's growth and hopefully, the craft can provide hope for another lost soul.