Getting Sober at 20: The Challenges of Being Young in Recovery

I got sober on June 26, 2022, when I was just 20 years old.

I had recently finished my first year of college, although I would eventually drop out before making it to my second year. While many of my peers were looking forward to another year of college parties and late nights, I was trying to figure out how to live without alcohol.

I entered the only nearby outpatient treatment program that had an opening and accepted Medicaid. Between outpatient treatment and Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), I slowly began rebuilding my life, reconnecting with people, and making friends again.

But there was one thing I struggled with almost immediately: my age.

Finding My Place in Recovery

Almost everyone I met in recovery was at least 20 years older than me.

Even at AA meetings specifically intended for young people, I discovered that the definition of "young" was surprisingly broad. There were very few people who were actually in my age range.

Don't get me wrong. I met some wonderful people, many of whom played an important role in helping me get sober. But being 20 years old and trying to connect with people who had decades of life experience that I didn't have could sometimes feel isolating.

Eventually, that disconnect contributed to my decision to step away from AA and pursue sobriety outside of a traditional recovery setting.

I made friends who didn't drink, or at least didn't drink around me or spend their weekends partying. I continued attending therapy and gradually developed a life that didn't revolve around alcohol.

After about a year of AA, outpatient treatment, and therapy, I felt like I had developed enough coping strategies to last me a lifetime.

Of course, there's always more to learn. But for the first time, I genuinely believed I had the tools to live without alcohol.

When Heavy Drinking Is Considered Normal

One of the biggest challenges I faced when getting sober was how normalized excessive drinking seemed to be among people my age.

In college, heavy drinking and blacking out were practically treated as ordinary weekend activities, at least within the fairly large social circles I was part of.

There was almost an expectation that college students would drink too much, make questionable decisions, and laugh about everything the following morning.

And because that behavior was so common, I think it made recognizing a serious drinking problem considerably more difficult.

I remember feeling like people didn't understand how someone so young could possibly be an alcoholic.

After all, wasn't drinking heavily just part of the college experience?

The problem was that my relationship with alcohol was fundamentally different from that of many of my peers.

I understand that people drink heavily for all kinds of reasons, including some pretty serious psychological struggles. And I certainly don't want to suggest that everyone around me had a healthy relationship with alcohol.

But there was one difference I couldn't ignore.

Once I started drinking, I couldn't stop.

My friends could put down the bottle or the joint long enough to attend class, finish their assignments, and spend time with family and friends while sober.

I couldn't.

And the guilt I felt over being unable to do those things only made me want to drink more.

It became a cycle that was increasingly difficult to escape. I drank to avoid feeling guilty about the things I had done while drinking, which inevitably led to more things to feel guilty about.

Meanwhile, I was surrounded by people who seemed perfectly capable of balancing their drinking with the rest of their lives.

That made it much easier to convince myself that I was simply doing what everyone else my age was doing.

You Don't Have to Be Older to Have a Drinking Problem

When I entered AA, I met people who understood something that many of my college peers didn't seem to recognize.

Alcoholism doesn't care how old you are.

Many of the people I met had started drinking in their early teens. Some, including one of my sponsors, had gotten sober at around the same age I did.

That was incredibly important to me, especially during my first few months of sobriety.

For the first time in a long time, I was surrounded by people who understood what I was going through and didn't judge me for it.

I had spent so much time judging myself and assuming everyone else was judging me too.

Being around people who didn't look at me that way was an enormous relief.

I genuinely believe that the acceptance and understanding I found in those recovery circles helped me get through my first three months of sobriety.

And looking back, I think that sense of belonging was just as important as many of the coping strategies I learned.

You Don't Have to Hit Rock Bottom

There's a common idea that someone needs to lose everything before they can recognize that they have a problem with alcohol.

I don't believe that's true.

You don't have to lose your job, destroy your relationships, get arrested, or reach some imaginary level of suffering before your struggles deserve to be taken seriously.

And you certainly don't have to wait until you're older.

If alcohol is negatively affecting your life, that's reason enough to examine your relationship with it.

One of the things I appreciate most about AA is that the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.

You don't have to prove that your drinking is bad enough. You don't need a dramatic story about hitting rock bottom. You don't even need to be completely certain that you're an alcoholic.

You can simply show up because you're concerned about your drinking and want to make a change.

For someone who is young and questioning whether their drinking has become a problem, that kind of acceptance can make an enormous difference.

Recovery Doesn't Have to Look the Same for Everyone

Although AA played an important role in my early sobriety, I also want to emphasize that it isn't the only way to recover.

I eventually found that maintaining my sobriety outside of regular AA meetings worked better for me.

That doesn't mean AA stopped being valuable, or that the people who continue attending meetings are doing anything wrong.

It simply means that different people need different things.

Some people benefit from attending meetings for the rest of their lives. Others find support through therapy, outpatient treatment, recovery groups, supportive friendships, or a combination of different approaches.

I don't think we should judge someone's recovery based on how closely it resembles our own.

What matters is finding a sustainable way to live a healthier, more fulfilling life.

And for young people especially, I think it's important to recognize that recovery doesn't mean giving up your youth.

You can still make friends, go out, have fun, pursue an education, and enjoy the experiences that come with being young.

You might just have to approach some of those experiences differently.

What I Would Tell Someone Getting Sober Young

If I could leave young people who are struggling with alcohol with one message, it would be this:

Don't be afraid to ask for help simply because you think you're too young to need it.

I know how difficult it can be to acknowledge that your drinking has become a problem when everyone around you seems to be partying without giving it a second thought.

I also know how isolating it can feel to enter recovery and discover that almost everyone around you is significantly older.

But there are people who understand what you're going through, even if their experiences don't look exactly like yours.

Getting sober at 20 wasn't how I imagined my early twenties would unfold.

But more than four years later, I'm back in college, studying nursing, building meaningful relationships, and living a life that would have been difficult for me to imagine when I first entered treatment.

I still have plenty to learn, and my life certainly isn't perfect. But I no longer feel like alcohol is preventing me from becoming the person I want to be.

And that's something I wouldn't trade for another night of drinking.

You don't have to wait until your life falls apart to start putting it back together.