Dear Journal

It's Friday. It is a beautiful day. It is over 70 degrees outside today. I have been optimistic the last few days. I like it. Ideas have been flooding through my brain. I try to write something everyday. I rode by some woods today and saw some tents. The homeless people are branching out or maybe there are more that have come to the area. On the other side of the street is the original area homeless people had tents in. I joked with my kids saying we are gonna be doing that. Riding by and seeing it again today made me seriously think about actually living outside. I found out that there is a thing called "glamping". It is glamorous camping. I now want to find some land and buy it. I want to get an RV or a trailer or maybe even build a house on the land. My neighbor and I had talked about buying sheds and connecting them to make a small home. There are so many benefits to living that way. The only thing for me is how do we shower and/or use the bathroom. I figure we would just take tub baths, no showers. I can get a generator for electricity. I am really considering this.

I grow more and more tired of working. I love counseling children. I am a mother so it comes naturally to me. I love my students. The job itself is wearing me out. Everyday that I come in, there is something new, something different. The communication is horrible. You find out stuff here...just...when you find out. They have us cleaning and painting and moving things. We are stripping beds and making them. I am older now. I am 36 years old. My back and knees hurt. I left Amazon because it was too much on my body. I didn't come here for that. We are getting a raise though. We are getting $1.50 more per hour in about two weeks. That's good. I think I'm just tired of having to be in a certain place at a certain time for a for a certain amount of time. I want to be able to be with my kids. My kids want to be with me. I am building my writing portfolio...

My first true love called me just now! He says he is my soul mate. He may very well be honestly. I prayed and asked the universe to tell him to call me. It worked! It freaking worked! The universe loves me and I love the universe right back.

Things are looking up. At least things are looking up in some parts of my life. My mother is upset, so she is doing what she always does: take stuff. She takes any things and/or services she gave me to help with my kids. As a single mother, she knows I don't have many people that can or will help me. Her goal is to show me that I need her more than she needs me. In the past, this worked. When my oldest was younger, I had no one to watch her if my mom refused. Now it is different. My child is 16 years old now and can care for herself during the 8 or so hours I am at work. My job is very understanding so that helps too. I was able to change my schedule so I can take the littlest one to and from school. I either leave money for them to order food or I cook something before I leave.We are gonna be OK. I told my girls that we are a team and we are all we got. I reassured them that I am here and I am all they need. We got this!

Until next time my dear journal...