Day 7

I had so many hopes for this challenge, so many plans. I thought, if I can stick to this challenge, and write 1000 words a day for two weeks, I am going to keep that momentum going. Make it the whole summer. Make it just my regular writing schedule. I’ve been trying to develop better writing habits anyways, and this seemed like a killer kick off to seeing the kind of progress I wanted.

I planned on launching my personal blog this week, and these 1000 words a day would give me enough content with what I’ve already started to have that cushion I always talk about. Gotta have a content cushion to start out with for those days I feel like shit and can’t bring myself to do the work. I wanted to start out with something fun though, something off topic that relates to my writing goals just the same.

Day 1 was a massive success. I popped in my AirPod pros with full noise cancelling, and started a binaural beats “deep work” from Endel. An hour and a half later, I had almost 4,000 words and a completed horror short story I honestly felt rather “meh” about. I asked my partner and roommate to read it, and that “meh” feeling slowly changed to giddy excitement. It was good. They said, really good. Now I just needed to edit and publish. I thought this would be a good first piece to use my own art as a featured image, to really drive home the visuals I described in the story.

I was thrilled. If I could pump out nearly 4,000 words in an hour and I have, I might actually have some luck in writing my novel, and actually hosting a successful blog.

Day 2 was also a success. I didn’t complete my piece, but I was at 1,111 words by the time my partner came upstairs for bed, so I called it. I was on a roll. He was a little cranky I had waited so long to start, but I had to do my braids that day, and they always take longer than anticipated. (My hair looks fire though, half feed-ins, half box braids, and black to platinum blonde? Whew! Worth it).

When day 3 rolled around, I was still riding the high from day 1. (I still haven’t edited that story. I HATE editing. So much so that a lot of my work never gets published because I don’t want to edit). We had a busy day and I wasn’t feeling like writing. I think I convinced myself that I had banked at least an extra day from my wild success on the first day, it would be fine to skip a day. And also the next day. And the next. I did manage to churn out a poem during that time, and I’m excusing myself some slack due to an endless fatigue, and a weird “take your girlfriend to work day” occurrence that took place because we had to be out of the apartment for some maintenance. I have plenty of excuses. I brought all my stuff to my partners office with me, and had fully intended on getting some focused work in. I just read the whole time and watched the clock.

Now here we are day 7, and I’m making the effort to restart. I’m supposed to be at an event today, but one of my excuses for not writing, is more appropriate of an excuse not to go. I have gotten my first UTI since having to have my bladder surgically repaired after it burst in a car accident. I am, to say the least, uncomfortable AF.

I just made the mistake of checking my word count, and feel such exasperation over making it to my goal. It is incredible how the circumstances and content have such a heavy impact on enthusiasm. In school I was always the kid that had to edit down, often by PAGES in order to fit the guidelines. I get wordy. Unless I am uncomfortable, tired, cranky, hungry, or otherwise not in “prime writing condition.” Pretty much any inconvenience hampers my ability to write freely, and it’s really quite a problem.

After the events post-first day success, I have very little hope in running a successful blog — although I have no choice in launching. I tweeted it, so it must be done. And that tweet was commented on by someone with the fancy verified check, so I can’t let them down. But I am terribly inconsistent.

For the remainder of the challenge, which ends on the 13th of June, it seems I have to force myself to participate. Hopefully, I will achieve my original goal of making it a habit. With as many writing projects as I have started, it’s likely the only way I will see them through to completion. I’ve gotta be honest though, my outlook on this whole thing is not nearly as chipper as it started off.

Maybe if I pull out another surprisingly awesome short story. Really flex my horror muscles, ya know? I don’t know why I always do this to myself. I start these challenges and the moment I experience some success, I’m like “I DID IT! CHALLENGE OVER!!” When it is not, in fact, at all over. Like, not even a little bit.

It’s fine. Whatever. The thing about challenges, is there’s very little real accountability for them, unless you’re part of a group that meets regularly and will call you out on your bullshit if you’re not holding up your end of the deal. #1000wordsofsummer has a slack channel so you can communicate with other folks participating in the challenge, but it’s been incredibly easy to just * not* engage. Not everyone doing the challenge is on it, we didn’t sign up on some roster sheet, so who’s to know?? I mean *i* know, and it might be subconsciously eating away at me and popping up in my dreams or whatever, but who cares? My anxieties are mine to battle alone in my brain box, with no ref and no coach. It is entirely up to me to complete this challenge, to see it the rest of the way through, or to ignore it and inevitably let it seep into my psyche that I’m a failure. The stakes are pretty low from where I’m standing.

Ultimately, my biggest takeaway from all this — I hate “long-term” challenges and don’t know why I keep doing them, I’m 100% capable and just as lazy, and my braids done up make me feel like a goddess. (It’s relevant).

7 more days of this. Wish me all the luck.