Dear proponents of open offices:
Give me a wall. Three walls as it were. (I’d rather have four quite
honestly. Four with a door: an office really). But clearly we cannot
all have offices. But if I do get an office, please make sure it is
four walls and not three walls and one glass window. I do not need to
see anyone for the type of administrative office work I do (or for
most types of office work for that matter). In fact, this work can be
done at home. I do not need to commute into an office (commute=huddled
in between strangers in a slow moving subway car) to then huddle next
to strangers (ie coworkers) whose faces I accidentally peer into far
too often when looking up from my work machine (ie computer screen).
Oh and to accidentally look into those faces! The horror. There’s no
escaping it. And because of this, I request: Please bring back the
Cubicle. The once detested and now horribly estranged cubicle. Who
knew that there could be something worse than those previously
eschewed three walls: no walls at all.
Everyone knows the motivation behind the horrible open office design:
Open offices foster collaboration and promote the development of
harmonious relationships among fellow coworkers. Sure, but it also
fosters my familiarity with the abominable noises coming from pod
neighbor Susan’s body while she focuses on her work a mere foot away
from me. Furthermore, it promotes my understanding of the perversely
focused face Tom makes as he concentrates on writing an email to his
boss (or apparently an email to anyone). My point being: the design
doesn’t work.
Relationships at work cannot be forced. Please stop trying. It makes
no sense. The ones who naturally want to play ping pong together in
the modern office nook will. They will find each other. Please have
faith that they will. Your insistence on placing people in close
proximity to one another is not only insufferable but also
aesthetically displeasing (yes, beige walls can be more pleasant to
the eye than the faces of fellow human beings who have managed to find
employment doing the same drudgery as yourself).
Moreover, this popular and ever present open office design favors
extroverts. As it is, as an introvert, I would take any short cut – or
rather long cut – to avoid human interaction during the workday.
Cubicle walls facilitate this. But you’ve taken away the walls. And
now I have to pretend to be very comfortable working very closely with
aggressively sociopathic people. People who type furiously and sweat
profusely while they work. People who glare at you as you type and
sweat profusely yourself as you work. And there is no room for a
reaction to the previously mentioned sociopathy. To react to a fellow
coworker’s noise, grunts, coughs, or under the breath comments is
blasphemy. We are to sit in close proximity to each other and also act
as if we cannot hear every little noise that the bodies of coworkers
are emitting throughout the day. Worse yet, not everyone needs to be
aware of my overactive bladder. My fifth walk to the bathroom before
noon even is visible to the entire office. And walks to the kitchen
are also altogether too visible. (Yes, this is my third cup of coffee
before 10 am).
So, please, let me bring in some plywood. I will create the walls that
you have taken away from me. From us. The entire workforce is now
forced into staring at each other’s faces while slugging away at
emails to Andy in IT. Or whatever the work is (most likely at one
point it involved an email to Andy in IT).
You quite literally tore down walls to bring people together, but this
plan of yours has mostly just set people more apart (but perhaps
together in communal hatred of Sara in HR’s incessant humming). So
let’s come together and build some walls. Thick sound-proof walls if
possible. To drown out and do away with the humming and bodily noises
and furious typing. And most importantly: the faces.
Sincerely,
Jia
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