2020

Here I am, in the deep end without a clue. I do know one thing, luck may of gotten me the job, but I'll be the reason they keep me. With this mindset I know for a fact i have what it takes to excel at anything I set my mind too. I convinced myself that I am an underdog, I don't deserve to be here, I am under qualified and out of place. I have to and will work my ass of to stay here.

My new role essential involves cleaning and sterilising medical equipment. Not that different to washing dishes in a kitchen to be honest with you, something I have plenty of experience doing and am good at.

Nevertheless, as expected there are some teething issues as I get adjusted and pick up the processes and procedures. I just continue to work my ass off, trying to impress everyone in my team. I am going a million miles an hour all day, now when I say all day I don't mean twelve hour days like I am accustomed too from hospitality. No, no, no, these are cute, little seven and a half hours shifts. With two half an hour breaks! Can you believe it? Not one break but two.

Let me tell you my quality of life has exploded to all new heights. I have free parking, I work in air conditioning with a great team, I have picked up my new role very well and quickly. I have even implemented some changes to improve the overall flow and efficiency. I am working much less, from roughly forty hours down to twenty two hours, but here's the kicker, I earn more money now! And to top it all off, it truly is a stress free environment. I have never experienced this before in my life.

Now that I have time and mental processing capacity from no longer being under the crushing pressures from working in a hostile kitchen, I had decided it was time to take my photography seriously. Something I have really had on the back burner, especially whist covid has been going on.

I have been interested in photography for as long as I can remember but have never thought about it as a career until recently. In February last year I enrolled at university to learn all I can about photography. Up until this point I had only shot landscape and sport. However my university course is heavily weighted around portrait photography, something I fear.

I think it was a combination of my success at my new role, completely changing career fields and being a huge hit immediately and not given a fuck anymore. But I suddenly decided that it was time to take a leap, jump head first into the world of portrait photography. Now at this point I needed new equipment, well needed is a biased opinion. I am sure I could of continued to use my current gear but a rare opportunity arose.

The government had decided to let people worst affected by covid to access there super money. Potentially a horrible decision financially, given the potential gains ten thousand dollars in super could have over the span of forty years. But for myself this was my one and only chance to upgrade my photography gear. I had to.

My application to withdraw my super was successful, the money was in. Once again my mind raced with thoughts. How would I spend the money? A car? A boat? A jetski? Tattoos? A TV? I sat on the money for a month or so, until I finally caved and purchased a new camera and a couple of lenses.

I joined some Facebook groups for free photoshoots and put up an ad looking for a model for a shoot. I had a few interested models but went with Tayla. She was great, exactly what I had hoped for. Now for something I had never done, I think it went really well, we both loved the photos and we got on well.

A bit of a back story, I am very shy, generally scared of the world in one way or another. Scared of getting jumped in the street or large groups in public spaces and i can't stand being out alone. So for me this was a massive milestone.

I had set up an Instagram for my photography and hit the ground running, posting regularly and doing shoots about once a fortnight. The old me was dying. After a while, I began to become confident, not just in photography but in life. To put it as simply as I can, I no longer gave a fuck.

I felt free, free from the prison I had created for myself, in my mind. I was living, regret that I had waited so long was the only issue I faced. Momentum continued to build and i was on a roll, I had countless shoots under my belt, I had even had my work published in an international magazine, something just three months ago I didn't even consider to be a goal. Now I had achieved it. It felt good, I can't lie, life was good.

Then the effects of covid where basically over. I got called into the facility manager's office. Fear washed over my body like a wave of cold water at the beach. Was my time up? I was the only person without connections to someone working here already, I was the newest member. But surely I had done enough, I had been working as hard as I physically could, I had been left in charge of my section when the supervisor was away. i hadn't had a sick day, never been late, never left early.

I walk in to the office, my head is racing, my heart is pounding, stomach is turning. The second in charge is also there. Great, I thought as I begin to get angry thinking that these people are mad for letting me go after all I have done.

"As you know covid restrictions have eased and we have all our staff back now, it's very crowded in wash up (my section). We have spoken and we agree there is too many people in there now". Fuck, this is it I think to myself, they are letting me go.

"How would you feel about moving to experimental?" "Absolutely" I say with no hesitation at all. "If that is what you guys need from me, of course". I have no idea what experimental is, but I don't care, I need a job and I actually love it here. "Great, you can start in there today".

I don't even get to see or say goodbye to my tight knit team whom I have worked with for the last six months. My world has been flipped upside down. My cruisy job I have been doing without thought, gone.

Stress, my new friend. Now this new role is something else. Let me tell you, if I wasn't out of my league before, I sure as hell am now. At this point I believe it was move me in here or let me go. Because I don't fit in here, I have no qualifications and this shit is heavy. Real repercussions, real responsibilities and no fun. This role is very serious and so are the people in my new team.

Nevertheless I get to work as best I can, same mentality as before just exaggerated now. I am working directly with researchers and stuff they have been working on for who knows how long that simply can't be valued. Great, exactly what I want I thought.

A few weeks go by, despite a few teething issues and run ins with the supervisor about very minor things, that to me didn't seem to be an issue but in this role absolutely everything has an exact procedure that must be followed to the tee. I have pretty muched picked it up by this point and am settling in okay. The pay is less as I know longer get weekend pay, which sucks. You'd think going from a super easy care free role, to something like this you would get more pay, but that's not the case.

The year is running out, since March my life has evolved exponentially in all aspects. Despite all the ups and downs I have fared well compared to most. I don't want to brag about my year as so many have suffered and been through so much, but this year had been good to me. Ending the year on a high, I have so much to be grateful for and so much to look forward too. I am excited for twenty twenty one and the opportunity it brings with it.