When the Beast takes hold.

My state of mind is somewhat compromised; unstable. Never before have I felt this free, my inhibitions are down. There is nothing stopping me from ripping someone’s throat out and feasting on their flesh. There is no self-control. My cage no longer restrains me. Freedom... it’s a strange word; yes, I feel free, but I do not have freedom. My thoughts are not as they once were. Being kind, honest, thoughtful, loving. Emotions and feelings that are. . . Well, human. I am human of course. . . I think.

My body has changed, my skin looks like distressed leather. My hairline has receded at an alarming rate. The last few days, I have lost most of my teeth. My gums have receded too, and there’s an odour that even I can't stand to be near.

I guess you’re wondering what happened to me? Well, to be honest, I’m not sure. A while ago I took my usual night time stroll. It had been an uneventful walk; when I saw someone approach me. An ear-piercing scream surrounded me. A high pitched screech,like I’d never heard before, a noise that could make your ears bleed. It stopped all of a sudden, the bawling noise ringing in my head. As the figure approached, it became clear that it was a young lady, I smiled as she passed. She wore a dark grey cloak, the hood covered her head completely. We passed under a street lamp, she glanced in my direction and threw back the hood of the cloak. Her eyes looked Red through years of weeping. She stared straight into my soul. I stared back at her, unable to avert my gaze, my feet were rooted to the ground. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came.

I awoke the next morning, in my own bed, naked and with no memory of how I got there. Straight away, there was an undeniable smell of sex, the aroma filled my nostrils; more pungent and malodorous than anything I’d smelt before. I lay for a while, trying to recall the events of the night before, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t remember.

2

I drifted in and out of sleep for the rest of the day, I had no strength, my energy levels had been depleted. I would wake up in a cold sweat, after having vivid, but unexplainable dreams. I got up late in the afternoon: showered, dressed, and phoned for a take-away.

I listened for the familiar sound of the delivery guys bike, it's whiny high pitched whimper, grumbling and complaining about the vast weight it was carrying. Manuel had his meals whilst on duty, that was clear. One had to feel sorry for the bike. I opened the door to sweaty Manuel, he stood in the doorway, with that usual gormless look on his face. He lifted his visor and proffered my pizza. He was about to speak, I didn't want a conversation, not then, not ever. I took the pizza, and thrust a tenner into his clammy hand, I closed the door, and left him stood with his mouth open.

I had no appetite, my stomach protested, and my throat seemed to tighten with each mouthful. That was the moment that I lost my first tooth. There was no notice of its departure, there was no pain, I found it in the pizza box when I threw it away. A little confused, and hungry, I decided to go out. I tried shaving, but the blade dragged against sandpaper skin. I was in pain, my whole body ached, almost like influenza. I couldn’t concentrate for long, my head felt foggy, my thoughts switching from one random unimportant fact, to another.

The evening air was cool. The warmth of the day had drained me, even though I had slept for most of it, the heat was intense. At the time I put the restless sleep I’d had, down to the heat. I know different now. The mystery woman I met the night before, was playing heavy on my mind, why couldn't I remember her? Why couldn't I remember what we did? However, I did recall the screech, it was so clear in my head, I could tell you the tone and pitch If I thought about it hard enough. If I went back to the place we met, maybe it would jog a few memories.

I walked past the church, It was dark as I approached the bridge. The one street lamp wasn’t lit, and the late train rumbled above me. The chances of seeing her again in the same place was improbable, this is crazy. Maybe it didn’t happen; none of it, but what about the smell this morning, something had happened, with someone.

I stood under the bridge, like a rent boy looking for business. Cars passed by, drivers in their own worlds: nose picking, burger eating, self obsessed pricks. After about an hour of pacing up and down the road, I decided to go home, I took a detour through the town, my hunger consumed me. After purchasing a greasy burger from a grubby burger joint, I sat in a bus shelter. With my hoodie up and my scarf half covering my face, I attempted to eat.

Once again my stomach protested and returned it to me after my first mouthful. I couldn’t eat, yet I was starved, I felt a voracious hunger. It worried me that I hadn’t had a drink all day, I didn’t feel thirsty at all, but at the same time there was a desire for something. I started to shake, my legs trembled, I took another bite of the grease burger. It tried to come back up, my willpower to keep it down was stronger. My insides disagreed with me, again the burger came back up. Confused and scared, and my head throbbing, I took the long route home.

Walking through the park, I had to sit, my head felt like it was going to implode. My stomach turned over and my hands throbbed, I clenched and unclenched my fists in order to relieve the pain. I glanced down at my hands. My index fingers were longer, by at least an inch. My nails had grown too, not normal growth; they were like talons. I had no idea what was happening to me, I held up my hand to the street lamp to get a better look. That’s when I heard the scream again, it was in a higher pitch this time, but I was sure it was the same sound. My ears were hurting, I covered them with my hands that were by now, twisted and painful. Without warning, a rage enveloped me.

The heat from my body was intense, I roared in pain as the tendons in my arms and legs stretched, ripping my muscles and skin. My stretching muscles tearing the clothing from my body. You could see my ribs, as my ribcage expanded. I looked emaciated, and at least a foot taller. My eyes were shallow and sunken inwards. The pain in my jaw was immense as my mouth ripped open, creating a hole in my face, double it's original size. Through all the changes that my body experienced, and the amount of pain I felt, I also felt: stronger, more powerful than ever before.

I roared like a beast, I felt liberated, I could feel the strength throughout my whole body. Birds flew from the trees, dogs howled, it felt fantastic. My appetite was voracious. I knew the time was coming, I could feel it in my veins, aching and yearning to be fed. I felt free, but with this new found freedom, came an uncontrollable longing and craving for blood; any blood, from any source. My first kill, was a poor unfortunate cat, it only wanted attention; I gave it some. Staring deep into the cats eyes, I lunged forward and sunk my teeth into it's neck. A feeling of euphoria came upon me, static electricity ran through my fingers, microscopic dots floated across my vision. At that moment, I felt closer to nirvana than a Buddhist monk.

I moved through the common with great speed: Rabbits, moles, rats, anything that moved got devoured. I knew what was happening, but my desire for flesh and blood took over my human instincts. My thoughts (as far as I can remember) remained human. I knew that I was eating a rat, but I felt a savagery inside, almost primeval, that primitive feeling of greed and gluttony, was too strong to resist. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to resist, I needed it, I had to feast.

Now I have heard the stories of werewolves and such, but the beast I became was not a wolf. I walked upright, at least seven foot tall and the only hair visible was on my head.

I lay down to rest, satisfied. My eyes closed as I felt rhythmic muscular contractions. My body went into spasms, I howled with pleasure as once again, euphoria entered my system. An orgasmic sensation filled me as my spinal column retracted to normal size. I was changing again, this time there was no pain, only pleasure. My muscles spasmed, my arms and legs retreated to normal size. As my teeth shortened, that was the only time I felt Pain.

I was complete. After scrambling in the hedgerows, I got my bearings and headed home. I felt amazing; cold, but amazing. I remembered everything, my natural human instinct should’ve been: horror, disgust, fear. I felt none of these things, only satisfaction.

3

Again, I slept for hours, sweating and screaming myself awake. A vision of a tall, skinny creature with demonic eyes and large canine teeth haunted my dreams; with thinning white hair, and a white stubble beard, that looked crimson with droplets of dried blood, it terrified me.

I was woken by the familiar sound of my good lady’s screech, this time it sounded more intense, more desperate. I buried my face into the pillow as my whole body stiffened. That feeling of utter rage and hatred moved through my body like a runaway train. My tendons stretched and my muscles ripped, my jaw extended, my ribcage expanded, and the talons made my fingers bleed as they pushed their way out. I howled into the pillow, as the beast took over.

The transformation was complete, I moved with stealth, through the streets, using the darkness of night as cover. My hunger once again overtook my logical mind, I didn’t understand why I needed to feast on flesh; yet still understand some human logic.

My first taste of human flesh came that night. I slunk through the alleys. Human and animal instincts raged through my mind as I tried to separate the conflicting emotions in my head. I needed to eat, the small morsels I had eaten up to that point were not enough.

My good lady came to me in my dreams the night before. She removed the hood from her cloak as she walked toward me, lifted her head and through her tears she said.

“ feed me.”

Her sunken eyes and sallow complexion saddened me. Her anaemic, bloodless face looked wretched and sorrowful.

“ I am the soul screamer, you will feed me or I die.”

She turned and floated away from me, the all familiar screech surrounding her as she disappeared. I remember waking and screaming “ Why me?”

I had no idea what she had meant, but in that moment all I wanted was to feast.

Feeling confused and alone, my instinct was to curl up in a corner and cry, my animal instinct was much stronger and an involuntary sound came from within. I roared into the night, calling for relief and succour from my current tribulations.

Crouched in an alley, I heard the familiar sound of a domestic pet, someone’s best friend being taken for its nocturnal discharge. The sound was unusual, it was a combined bark and frightened howl. With food approaching, I remained quiet and still, awaiting its arrival and maybe a bonus of human flesh to go with it. The beast came bounding around the corner, growling and slathering, followed by the human on the other end of its tether.

Such a comical sight as the human came into view, being dragged by a 40 pound English Bulldog. It's teeth gnashed together and drool dripped from it's chin, this was one angry dog. He wouldn’t be angry for long, I made sure off that. I remained silent until both human and beloved pet were close enough for me to strike. With immense speed, I snapped the dogs neck, giving the human no chance to think. The Bulldog was a bonus. The guy gave a pathetic mewl as I ripped out his throat with one single lunge. I devoured him, blood dripped down my chin, I ate with an insatiable hunger; bones crunched as I made short work of my first human slaughter. The part of my brain that was still logical, told me to leave no evidence, I had to eat the bones.

4

Days passed by, I hid in my apartment fighting the beast inside of me. When I felt the beast take hold, I would sit on the bed in the half lotus position. In my youth I could manage the full lotus; as the years took control of what my body could and couldn't do, the full lotus was beyond me.

I could no longer control the beast, it came whenever it wanted. I knew when the time was nigh; my fingers would tingle, that was the first sign. Microscopic dots would cover my vision, my body would relax, and the feeling of peace came, before the violence of the beast took control.

My Soul Screamer had come to me many times, often in a dream. Some mornings I would awake, with the familiar aroma of sex filling the room. I would never remember what took place, but a part of my dream memory would give me a glimpse of my good lady. She would be astride me, riding me. I would attempt to remove her hood, then the dream would break. Conversations would take place between us, she whispered to me in her husky tone. I needed to know what was happening and why. My life meant nothing to me, I lived for feasting on flesh and blood.

I needed my life back, I had pushed my family away. My beautiful Arabella was under the impression that I no longer loved her. Everyone had to be safe, having the people that I loved, too close, was a risk I wasn't prepared to take. Arabella had been the one, the classic, ‘ love of my life’ and I hers. My heart ached at the thought that I would never see her again. It ached more so when I considered the alternative. How would she taste when my teeth entered her flesh? would my human instincts be able to control the beast? Whilst ripping her apart, would I be dying inside? The thought that I would be unable to feel any emotion, scared me more than anything else I had witnessed up to that point.

At least I had answers, I now know that in human form, I am known as a spirit pod. My human carcass carries the beast. The beast is the primeval dweller, it feeds on human flesh to survive. If I don’t feed, my good lady (the Soul Screamer) dies. I know this only through a dream.

Satisfied after feasting, I lay down to rest, my body jerking as its form changed back to the spirit pod. I cried and slumped back into my usual depression, I hadn’t showered for weeks, a horrendous odour followed me. Dried blood and faeces caked my skin, I hobbled on calloused feet as various wounds healed. My thoughts were becoming more savage, and less human as time passed. I fought the beast in me, every day. I was too weak, it took my cognitive skills first, I was unable to process or comprehend information in the usual way. My reasoning and emotive behaviour altered, it had complete control over me. Once it had that, there was no stopping the physical changes that occurred.

All the mirrors in the apartment had to come down, I couldn’t bear to see my reflection, I looked and smelt awful. Dreams mixed with reality, I could no longer tell which was which. My body would be burning hot when I awoke. I would recall small pieces of my nightmare, that euphoric feeling of crunching down on my prey, would be running through my veins. Yet there I'd be, laying in my own filth, with the smell of death coming from every pore.

I had to do something. I had to see Arabella; somehow. Maybe she could find a way to help me, or protect me. The Police and media had been on the case of a wild animal of sorts, terrorising the local community, I could feel the net closing in. If I could convince Arabella that I was still me, somewhere inside, then maybe we could find a way out of this. How to do that was beyond me, I knew how my Bella would react at the sight of me, and my human voice was unrecognisable.

The framed picture of us standing in front of the pyramids of Giza, sat on my bedside table; it was covered in dust, but I looked at it every day. The little bit of sanity that I still possessed, kept hold of that moment, it kept me believing that this nightmare would end.

5

Arabella lived on Singleton’s farm, she couldn’t wait to get away from her drudgery, and her father. Jack Singleton, was a bully. He seemed to hate Bella with everything he had. The thing is, she looked so much like her mother, Jack's wife (Arabella’s mother) had died in childbirth. I have seen photographs of her, the similarities are uncanny, she was a very handsome woman. Knowing how I felt about my Bella, helped me to understand how Jack felt. Even though I got it, I despised him for the way he would treat his daughter, if I were to bump into him, I would try my best not to rip him to pieces, I couldn’t promise that though.

Timing was of the essence, being as I had no control over when or where the primeval dweller would need me, I headed to the farm after a feed. I had five to six hours between changes, I had to attempt to see Arabella during that window.

8:00pm... all was quiet on Singleton farm, all animals were settled for the night, darkness had begun to take over daylight. I hoped Bella was at home, also I hoped that Jack wasn’t. I hadn’t become the beast through anger before, not that I remember; for his sake I prayed that I never did.

Even in human form, I could smell flesh like never before. My natural instincts had started to become focused on my next meal. I had to be strong, stronger than I had ever been, for Arabella’s sake. The pull to kill and feast was strong, as the spirit pod, I couldn’t satisfy my needs, I wasn’t strong enough. I had feasted less than an hour ago, I knew I was good for a few hours at least. My mixed emotions were driving me insane. At that moment I felt intense anger, yet at the same time, overwhelming love for Bella. I tried hard to understand all the feelings, emotions and thoughts, and figure out what they all meant. uEverything I felt was a contradiction of itself, I understood none of it.

As I approached the gate, I noticed a squad car parked inside the driveway. One officer sat in the driver's seat, scrolling through his phone. An officer on a stakeout meant one thing, I had been rumbled. There was no time to question the situation, I had to see Bella.

“Who’s there? Identify yourself !”

The officer stood next to his car, with his taser drawn by his side. I stood in the shadow of a tree, trying to hide my hideous appearance.

“Officer, please help me, I’m hurt.”

“come out where I can see you...easy now.”

I stepped out from the shadows, enough for him to see that I was harmless, yet not enough for him to make out who I was. The officer raised his voice and ordered me to put my hands out in front of me. I had no idea at the time how much strength I had, I rushed him with speed as he drew his weapon.

“Taser... taser... ta...”

Before he could complete his threat and deploy his weapon, I was on him, my hands around his throat. I twisted his scrawny veined neck, it was over quicker than you could say taser. The body lay motionless, I had no idea I was that quick and that strong. It must have been muscle memory, my body had become accustomed, my brain had trained my body to be the machine that I became when the beast took hold. I could feel the hatred and hunger as I stood over my kill, my body tingled at the thought of tearing open my prize. Come on Gregg, fight it, fight it for Bella’s sake, fight for your humanity. The squad car's radio squealed out a distorted message, it seemed to pull me back as I picked up the body and threw it into a hedge.

Singleton farm had the usual farm smells, unpleasant odours that made you turn up your nose in disgust. My senses were in overload, I could smell my food, it seemed to be ,coming from every direction. The beast needed to take me, my soul screamer pleading for me to eat, the fight was becoming one sided. Tingling fingers, that familiar feeling of a migraine coming on, and a calmness that meant only one thing; soon, I would feel the rage. The coldness and malevolence in my heart, hurt me more than my physical changes.

6

I recoiled in pain as the bullet thumped into my shoulder, the second bullet whooshed past me, and I fell to the floor. I lay on the ground, clutching my wound, in an attempt to stop the blood-flow. My surroundings were becoming fuzzy, out of focus. As I scrambled to my feet, a silhouetted figure stood on the porch of the Farmhouse, brandishing a shotgun. I could hear my good lady’s scream, it sounded: desperate, distraught; never before had she sounded so panic-stricken.

Jack Singleton stood under a flickering porch light, raised his weapon and aimed it at me.

“Gregg, I know that’s you out there, please don’t make me do this, I want to help you.”

His voice trembled with fear, he didn’t want to shoot me that was clear. Maybe his hesitation would give me a chance to relieve him of the shotgun, but I doubted that I was faster than a speeding bullet.

“ Jack, don’t shoot, please! I’m losing a lot of blood.” I stood, shivering in the cold night air, the rage was inside me, goading me. You’re not having me, not today, not ever.

As Jack lowered his weapon, I made my move. Before he knew what was happening, I had got to him and knocked the gun from his hands. My strong grip made his eyes bulge as I pushed him hard against the wall. A terrified Jack, gurgled and choked on his words, I felt the change coming, the fight had been lost, the Beast had won. My talons pierced his skin as they tore through my fingers, the smell of urine filled my senses, as Jack pissed himself. I tried to fight the anger and sheer hatred that had built up inside of me, it was working a little as by that point, I had killed, eaten and retreated into the darkness by then.

Jack's eyeballs had almost popped from their sockets. It fascinated me. As I stared into his bloodshot eyes, the Soul screamers face appeared.

“ Do it ! do it now, feed me.” Her appearance was more grotesque than usual, her skin was grey, her eyes, dull and lifeless, rotting, decaying skin peeled away from her face. The urge to obey was not as strong, I felt that I was getting back some control, this angered my good lady, her words were hysterical and deafening.

“ Kill him ! Kill him now or I will take your life.”

The sound of a gun shot echoed, an excruciating pain in my back, followed by another in my neck, forced me to drop my meal, I spun around and roared at my attacker. The roar was weaker than usual, I hadn’t quite become the Primeval dweller, I was a strange human/beast, hybrid.

Stood next to the patrol car was Arabella, the officer’s hand gun pointed at me, Bella’s hand trembling as she aimed it at my head.

“Greg, I’m begging you, turn and run. I’m scared for you, just run, please.”

I had never seen her like this, then again I doubt that she had ever had to hold a gun to something like me before. She sobbed and quivered, I could see her white knuckles as she clenched the gun as tight as she could, making it jerk and bounce in front of her. I couldn’t control the anger inside, I roared and spat at her with a hatred that up to that point, I hadn’t yet felt.

I heard my Soul Screamer in the distance, desperate to be heard.

“ Feed me! Kill her and I will free you from this nightmare.”

I seemed to lack the capacity of rational thought, my Bella didn’t deserve to die by my hand, I needed to be free, my good lady knew this and used it against me.

“ I won’t do this, I can’t, I will not kill for you.”

There was a flash of light, and a weird silence was broken by my own grunt as the bullet struck my chest. The shell exploded on impact and ripped at my inside, as the pain began to hit me, Arabella stood in front of me, hysterical.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I love you, Gregg, I’m sorry.”

7

For the last two months, I have sat in this padded cell, there is a washbasin and a toilet. The hole in the door is there so that they can look at me whenever they want to. I am now some kind of circus freak, to be examined and prodded at their whim. I have my pencil, (which is only two inches long) and a small notebook so that I can write my story.

I am not insane, I don’t feel insane anyway. The things that happened to me are real, yet I am not believed or understood. They have told me that I am here for observation as I was arrested for attempting to eat my future father-in-law. I told them all about my good lady, the Soul screamer, how I was the spirit pod for the primaeval dweller, who had to feast on flesh so as she could live. My explanation of my physical changes interested them, especially as there seemed to be no evidence of any damage to my body.

Every night, when I feel the usual internal changes, resulting in the beast taking me, I shout for them to come. So they can see what becomes of me, I feel the rage and the pain. My physical changes happen as normal, I know that they are watching me, so I roar into the two-way mirror, I scratch my talons down the glass, the anger colittlensumes me and my hunger is unbearable. They tell me that, when they look at me, they see a very angry and disturbed human being, that needs help and that is what they are trying to do.

I can feel the beast take hold, the changes happen as they always have, yet no one else can see it. The Soul screamer has not come to me for some time, I have sat and cried, begging for her to come so as to prove my sanity, she has yet to show. They feed me meat through a sliding contraption in the wall, I still cannot eat traditional food. I have little, to no human contact, Arabella will not visit, she has viewed me through the glass but is too traumatized to see me.

I live in hope that one day they will see how my body changes, how the beast takes me, and how I am not in control.

Until then, I will live a solitary existence, that no man or beast should have to endure.