What not to do when trapped in a Horror Movie

You knew the day was coming and now it is here. You are trapped in a danged ole horror movie. You tried to tell people this would be your fate , but they laughed and laughed and called you crazy. " Who is laughing now you thought to yourself, I told all those suckers, I would find up here, and now I am stuck in a real life horror movie." You remembered all the times you made fun of people in the horror movies you watched . Like people trying to fit in holes 4 times to small for them in order to escape. Or when the bimbo damsel in distress becomes completely naked after pricking her finger. And that is just a few examples of things you are not going to do while you are trapped in this horror movie. You decide to make a list of things you are not doing while trapped in this horror movie. I mean hell you have time the Monster or bad person is not here yet, why not make a list. So here it goes.

1. YOUR NOT GOING IN THE DARK BASEMENT:

Lets face it . If anything bad is going to happen , it is going in to happen in the dark. And the basement has just enough darkness and creepiness for the bad to happen. We have all watched the scene in the movie where the woman hears something in the basement. As she starts her way down in that basement we helplessly yell, "don't go in there". But it doesn't work , she goes down there anyway. Because for one , and I don't know if most of you realize this, she can't hear us warn her. And besides she has too, how else is she going to get attacked by the monster , ghost ,or whatever the case may be if she doesn't go down the basement. Most the time, only armed with a little candle or flashlight, she makes her way down the basement, only to be attacked by he monster or pulled down the stairs. So basements are definitely something you are going to avoid.

2. Don't go to Mental Hospital:

Why go to a Mental Hospital? You know there is not anything that can help you at such a hospital. After all you are not mentally disturbed. At least that is what you try to tell people. Fact is abandoned mental hospitals have a long history about them that is just bad. Starting with the harsh use of restraints, and the long periods of isolation, and then adding electric shock therapy, you would think these hospitals where in the business of torturing people, not helping them. Just walking into a place like that can cause a whole heap of bad mojo to fall on you. Take the poor souls in the movie The House on Haunted Hill. A group of complete strangers are invited to a party at a ran down insane asylum. They sure did run into a lot of pissed of spirits there. So definitely you want to avoid mental hospitals any way possible.

3 .You will not take a bath:

You can see for example, in the movie Psycho, and the famous shower scene, where the poor woman is stabbed to death. And in the movie The Grudge,during the All hand in hair scene. You can see clearly that the hand is coming out of the girl's hair. How freaking terrifying would that be to experience. Also be warned that while you are trapped in a horror movie a ghost might try to drown you in a bathtub. Or suffocate you with a shower curtain. I don't think it is even safe to look in a mirror in a bathroom. I mean there is no telling what you will see. At first you may appear normal and then at second glance your face may be all distorted. Yes I do believe your best bet is to avoid bathrooms all together while you are trapped in a horror movie.

4. You are not going to have sex in strange places:

Trust me, now is not the time. Don't get me wrong I all for getting your grove on whenever you can. And wanting to spice things up a bit by moving your love making from the bed is perfectly understandable. However, while you are running away from the psycho killer, or giant monster, it is not the time to get caught up in the throws of passion. So for the time being, for the love of god, please keep Vlad the Impaler under control.

5. If you are a man:

If you are a man I hate to be the one to tell you, but you are probably screwed , blue and tattooed. If you are a man trapped in a horror movie I would be making plains to get out of there as soon as I could . Most men don't survive a horror movie it, is usually the woman who makes it out alive. Barbara Blair in, (Night of the Living Dead Remake) and Ginny Field in, (Friday the 13th Part 2) are a couple examples of bad ass bitches that lived through their horror movies. And I have to admit there is something empowering about watching a female escape from the horror in these movies. So if you are a guy trapped in a horror movie, my best advise to you would be to run, and keep running.

6. Husbands, dogs, cats, and even kids will need to take care of themselves:

Do not be a hero. If you are trapped in a horror movie, now is the time to take care of yourself. When the time comes to escape the best thing to do is break out a window, and then go running down the street screaming and crying wildly. Of course you have left your family in harms way but, you don't have to worry. More than likely the dog will rescue the cat . The dog runs out of the house, but then always runs back in to rescue the cat, and is usually very proud of himself for doing so . The husband will likely be the one to rescue the kids. There have been times when the kids have actually had to rescue the husband , but who cares it all turned out the same. And as for you, you are best known for fleeing from high pressure situations, so by all means keep running for the hills screaming as loudly as you can.

7. You will not make fun of, or play with the dead thing:

Just don't do it. My advise is to not keep poking that dead monster thing with a stick and kicking it. You may think you have it whipped now, but I am warning you. That monster is laying there getting all 3 types of pissed off. It seems dead enough but remember, this is a monster that you are trapped in a horror movie with. Anything can happen. And you should not be surprised when the seemingly dead monster, gets off the ground to try and eat you.

And there we have it . A list of 7 things you are not going to do while you are trapped in this horror movie. You sit on the couch, going over your list. You are actually pretty proud of yourself. As you should be, you have a list of very good suggestions ,of what not to do when you are faced with this situation. As you sit there, you hear someone or something break a window at the back part of your house. You know exactly what to do. You get up and start walking quickly to the front door. You make it in your car and breath a sigh of relief, for you are about to escape. But then , OH NO!!! , why didn't you check the back seat of your car . Everybody knows what happens, when you don't check the back seat of your car, while you are trapped in a horror movie.