Waking Up to Nothing (Part 3)

I followed behind Grace not asking where we were headed. The road we traveled was an echo of what used to be. Nothing looked as it had on this side of town either. In my head, I could see children playing throughout the neighborhood and families gathering together in their front yards knowing things would continue for another day as long as they had one another. The light in their eyes was a reflection of the light in their hearts.

But here, none of this existed. Even with the bright summer sun relentlessly cooking our skin, nothing about what we encountered felt harmonious. I took great note of how I’ve accumulated the habit of walking with my head down because I couldn’t bear to join this new jarring truth. There were so many questions with few answers and the Big Man himself was nowhere to be found despite all the prayers I’m sure have been sent His way.

Grace walked to the edge of the park where the fence had been torn down. Below we could see an expanse of the city in the distance and the neighborhoods that were increasingly falling apart. I didn’t recognize any of this, and I had a strong yearning to know what city we were in.

“Grace, what city are we in?” I questioned, peering at the side of her delicate features.

She was a pretty young woman and very feminine in comparison to her older sisters. Despite the grime and dirt that was inevitable to accumulate nowadays, she was still very beautiful like a doll even when she was faced with fighting against a number of Zs.

“We’re somewhere in Tustin. Maybe even Santa Ana.”

I was relieved to know I wasn’t too far from my hometown in Anaheim Hills, but I was far enough. Without a car and dangers lurking at every turn, it would take me a few days to get back to my family. That is--if I managed not to get myself killed on the way.

“Are you not from around this area?” I asked her.

She shook her head, dark strands of hair clung to her temples from sweat. When she spoke her voice was dry and void of emotion. “My sisters and I were here when…it first happened. We were down here because Shaina’s boyfriend was throwing a summer party for his brother returning from being overseas. The shit went down the next day.”

When Grace didn’t continue with the rest of her story, I knew she and her sisters were the only ones who made it out of that party alive.

“Okay, so let me tell you about the types of Zs,” she started, changing the subject altogether. “I don’t know how long you were on your own before we found you, but some of them can run. And fast. Those are called Runners.”

“Yeah, that was the first one I encountered,” I said lowly, thinking back to yesterday. My body made an involuntary shiver at the memory. “It almost killed me.”

Grace glanced at me and then back to the torn city. “We’re not sure why some can run and some can’t. As of right now, nothing makes them physically distinct.”

“How do you combat them?”

“A gun always comes in handy,” she said, tapping the one strapped against her side. “Headshots are key with them because you aren’t guaranteed a second chance when they’re rolling in on you that fast. It’s partly why I brought you out here in case you ran into one, but it looks like you already have.”

“And I just barely made it,” I mumbled.

“You’ll get better,” she assured me. “You’ll have no choice unless you want to die.”

I nodded. “What are the others called?”

“The slower ones we call Growlers and the freshly made ones we call Newborns. Newborns only stay in that period for a number of days before they are full-blown Growlers. If they end up being Runners, they skip the Growler phase.”

Grace started to move from the scene before us and walk back toward the trail. She cut through the bushes at one point and we were on the opposite side of the neighborhood looking towards an entrance leading to a street. I recognized it right away as the street they brought me through yesterday to save my life.

“How do you know so much about the Zs?” I asked, falling in step with her.

“I really don’t,” she confessed. “I’m repeating what Carmelo has observed.”

I bristled at his name but contained it for Grace’s sake. “How does he know so much?”

“He lost his sister on the first day and watched her turn.” Her voice was quiet and distant. “She ended up as a Growler and he killed her. Ever since he paid attention to the bodily changes as the people around him died off.”

I didn’t want to make excuses for his shit attitude, but I was able to understand him much better. “I guess this world shows the worst in all of us.”

Grace smiled softly, knowing her man could be rough around the edges but meant no harm. And if I were in her position, I’d feel the same. But I wasn’t Grace and I didn’t have my siblings with me in a safe house with my lover and several other people. I was trying my best not to freak the absolute fuck out from what was going on. I was literally outside learning how to fight for my life. They’ve all had weeks to adjust to this and I’ve only had a number of days.

I followed beside Grace for some time watching her attack several Zs of different stages in their transformation. Grace told me a theory she shared with Carmelo and some of the others. She believed after some time all of the zombies would turn into something beyond the Runners without the need to go through the stages, and it was only a matter of time before they evolved. It was all about being able to survive that long.

All of us even down to the children were painfully aware of the great shift in the world as we used to know it. This was a land of pure survival. Us against the Zs, the Zs against us. I’m sure in some parts of the world it was still us against us and that made it much scarier. Who or what would keep us in order during this lawless war we’ve been forced to fight?

We traveled for several miles in different directions, keeping a safe distance from any potential enemies as well as keeping track of the road and the specifically sneaky ways we entered and ducked off the main landing. Grace said it may seem tedious, but it kept humans and Zs from being able to follow any one path to where we may be. I tried to memorize the number of steps we took at certain points and juggled keeping my senses keen. Without Grace, I knew this would be a daunting, nearly impossible task.

I was constantly running the concept through my mind that I did not have a plethora of options at my disposal. It was an integral part of my DNA to find my family again. I loved my mother dearly. She was my first lifeline to anything in this world, and my stepdad had been nothing but the best father I could ask for since I was eleven. He loved me as if I were his blood daughter. My heart still strained deeply for my younger brothers. They were potentially alone on this hellacious sphere of a planet with no escape.

It was hard not to allow myself to tread further into those darker thoughts. I feared it would lead me down a rabbit hole of nothingness. I had to believe they were still trying to survive like me. I had to hold onto that faith for my parents and my brothers.

“I know I taught you a lot today,” Grace said, bringing me back to reality. “But you’ll get it. You aren’t weak, Perris.” Her eyes burned with a fiery determination.

I felt my lips crick up in what felt like an awkward smile. I didn’t want to dampen Grace’s resolve but I didn’t feel as confident as she did. I felt like I was going to wind up dead or scarcely making it by the skin of my teeth like I’d been doing. It was more stress than my body could hold living in this constant fight or flight mode. If I survived this, it would be because of a miracle not of my own doing.

To lighten the mood and the path of my somber thoughts, I said, “Well, I’m glad one of us is hopeful about our futures.”

Grace wrapped a friendly arm around me, her smile brighter than the sun above our heads. “You have to have faith in yourself. If you don’t believe in yourself, you won’t make it, Perris. And I want you to make it.”

Grace’s words settled into my body as my nerves and mind tried to adjust to our new normal. Grace had her sisters as her extra layer of support. Without my family, I felt lost. I know Grace did not come out of this unscathed, but it was hard to feel as optimistic as she did.

“If you say so,” I mumbled as my gaze was cast over to a smoke cloud some distance away. Someone must have been burning bodies. It would only be a matter of time before we would begin to smell it.

Grace guided us safely back to the hideout to find the household moving around and about. Some were discussing future agendas for the group while others were figuring out current rations to what will soon be needed. It seemed harmonious and cohesively stable. I had a desire to fit in with them in this life, though I knew I would not be fully accepted thanks to Carmelo. Besides, I was in the business of reconnecting with my family.

I wasn’t sure where to rest my bones. Eventually, I found myself wandering out into the backyard. Images from when I was last out here on the roof invaded my mind. I found myself conflicted between which was worse to close my eyes and see it, or open them and still see it. There was no escaping the countless bodies and misery that surrounded us.

“How was it today?”

My eyes snapped to the middle sister, Dee. I hadn't spoken to her much since my arrival mostly because she was out and about gathering rations of food and water for the group. Her voice was welcoming in the midst of my troubled thoughts.

I tried to keep the roughness out of my voice when I answered her. It wasn’t her fault I had to learn how to survive a zombie apocalypse a day after waking up to it. “It was a lot to take in, but Grace is very patient and resourceful.”

Dee came to sit beside me, her legs crossing at the ankles. Her dark tresses were the longest of her sisters. They fell in layers down her back in a long ponytail. She also appeared to be the tomboy of the siblings. The way she carried herself, it was apparent she had spent a lot of her childhood outside getting into the messiest of messes and discovering hidden treasures from generations before her. Her eyes slanted towards me, nothing really giving her away.

“Well that’s Grace for you,” she said. “Out of the three of us, she’s probably the nicest.”

I gave a tiny smile. “I’m not sure how she manages to keep her positivity. If I’m being honest, I’m jealous of what she has.”

Dee jerked back, her face crumpled in confusion. “You mean, Carmelo?”

I shook my head, this time allowing a chuckle to escape. “No, she has her older sisters with her every step of the way.”

Dee’s expression softened. “Do you think your family is still out there?”

“I hope they are,” I confessed. “I’m more worried about my little brothers. They are only eleven and nine.”

Dee didn’t say anything, but the torment in her dark eyes told me all I needed to know.

“They’re just babies,” I said out loud, not really sure if I was speaking to Dee or myself. “They don’t know how to do any of this without my parents. I’m still trying to figure this out as an adult, so I can only imagine how afraid they must be.”

“What are their names?” Dee asked softly.

Their little faces jumped into my head at that moment. I recalled the last time we saw each other and it was only a few days before the explosion. I had stopped by the house to see my parents. They were there in the garage trying to create something for one of their latest adventures, but they didn’t want me to tell anyone what they were up to. My youngest brother had mentioned they were working with the boy next door to get his dog to learn some new tricks to “defeat their enemies”.

I pushed back the emotional memory so I could respond with a steady voice. “The older of the two is Dion and my youngest brother is Marlon. People always thought they were twins because they looked so much alike.”

I felt Dee place a comforting, warm hand on mine. When I looked at her, she placed her hand on my back running soothing circles to calm my nerve endings. “Dion and Marlon are alive.”

There was no way to know for sure, but I had to continue to believe it for their sake and mine. They were my driving force to overcome this. “If I can just make it back to Anaheim Hills…”

“Shaina and I tried looking for our parents after it all happened,” Dee started. “Since Grace is the youngest, we didn’t want her to see anything that would mess her up. We found our parents after four days with the help of Carmelo and a few others who are no longer here. It’s what made Shaina create this hideout. She wanted to create a haven for people out there alone trying to find their loved ones.”

It was a beautiful thing now that I knew its origins. It was also a silver lining in all the chaos. Though, something still did not add up. “Then why is Carmelo so against me?”

Dee sighed, pulling away and lacing her fingers together in her lap. “He thinks you are a liability to the group because you don’t come off as a fighter. To be honest, I think he’s more worried about losing Grace and he’s afraid of anything or anyone who may jeopardize it. He’s already lost his sister.”

I nodded. “Yeah, I heard about that. And I can understand why he feels the way he does about Grace, but many people won’t feel welcome here if he’s like that. He made me feel like a pariah.”

“I’ll apologize for him,” she stated. “It was uncalled for, but I think Shaina feels like his opinion is valuable since he helped us find our parents. He’s always treated our sister well, so I don’t really try to get involved in the mechanics of those things.”

It explained why Dee was hardly ever around or vocal during those moments.

“I won’t be here long,” I quipped, telling myself those words more than Dee. “I’ve got to find my own family. I don’t know if comfortable is the right word, but once I feel it enough to go out on my own I’ll be out of your hair.”

“You don’t have to leave,” she said solemnly. “We aren’t putting you out.”

“I appreciate that Dee but I’ve got to make it somehow.”