'Velvet Buzzsaw' Was a Buzzkill, and Here's Why

I was able to watch the Netflix Original movie, Velvet Buzzsaw, the other day. I’m going to say it up front: The trailer was appealing to me, enough to even watch it, but the whole movie was a disappointment. I give it one star out of 10, and here is why:

I didn’t know whose story it was, or if it was an arena type of story like Traffic (2000) with Michael Douglas.

SPOILER ALERT… I also didn’t care about the characters who died by some supernatural force connected through a cursed dead man’s paintings. The rules of how one can die from the paintings were strange. At first, it was just the paintings of a dead man that killed the people in possession of those paintings, then it moved like a plague and went on a random killing spree by taking various forms like sculptures, graffiti art, and even tattoos. To me, it felt like the unknown entity was just breaking all the rules once it was recognized as art that can be admired in an exhibit.

Needless to say, I wouldn’t recommend this movie to anyone, but I will recommend these other movies that deal with supernatural pieces of art that are more horrifying than Velvet Buzzkill… er I mean Buzzsaw.

In the second installment of the franchise, we were introduced to a new type of villain, one who feeds off of negativity. I’m talking about the one and only, Vigo the Carpathian. A class-4 ghost almost as powerful as Gozer, from the first movie. He can mind control, use telekinesis, and strongly influence everybody with negativity like a diseased plague. Vigo used the portrait of himself in hopes to achieve immortality. He basically used a painting as a horcrux—if we’re going to get technical here. His purpose is to gain a body of a child in order to retain physical form.

Do you think we’ll see this ghost again in some shape or form in the new Ghostbusters movie coming out in July of 2020? I kind of hope so!

In this movie, we’re shown not only what real witches look like, but what they’re capable of. Instead of the witches killing the children out in the open, they would kidnap them and sometimes trap them inside paintings with no hope of escaping. The victim would forever be part of that painting until the day they die. Never to be found or heard from again.

We could see this kind of happening in Velvet Buzzsaw with Josephina having her skin covered in graffiti art, and then actually becoming street art in the end.

A 2020 remake is in the works with Robert Zemeckis as the director, Anne Hathaway as the Grand High Witch, Codie-Lie Eastick as Bruno Jenkins, and Octavia Spencer is attached to it as well. Now, my question is, will we get to see the horrifying painting scene from the original movie? We shall see in the fall of 2020.

Now, this is an interesting take on a painting. A self-portrait of yourself that ages while you don’t. Almost too good to be true. It’s like the fountain of youth, but with water colors instead of water. The rules are a bit complicated with this one. You can remain immortal, but the only thing that can kill you is if your painting is either stabbed or destroyed. You would have to keep the portrait of yourself with you at all times so that nothing bad happens to you. The bad part is that you would have to worry about preserving your own image (pun intended), and forget about your wellbeing.

They should probably make a modern remake of this.

• Logline: When a young girl, Dawn Gray, is struggling to fit in the popular crowd, she learns of an app filter that makes your selfies not only desirable, but also gives her an everlasting long life. She must choose immortality or suffer the consequences of her actions.
• Title: Selfie
• Genre: Horror/Thriller

Alrighty then! I am going to make this adaption, and you cannot stop me!