Three

There was a beat in my head. It was maybe a song, but at this point it was more of a hammering and I was starting to feel sick. I pulled my hair up into a pony tail and switched my desk lamp off. I sigh. A long, audible sound that makes the cat open her sleeping eyes and blink at me once, twice. She went back to sleep. I sat in my chair for a long time until I got up and went to the medicine cabinet.

The fluorescent light bulb made a silent hum when I turned it on and I squinted my eyes as I made my way to the sink. I saw my bedroom in the reflection of the mirror. The light was off and I saw something. I saw what looked like someone sitting on the end of my bed. I turned quickly and stared into the darkness. My eyes adjusted. Dark.

No one was sitting there.

It was the headache, definitely. Sometimes it puts spots in my vision when it starts to get bad like this and that was all it was. Had to be. My head throbbed now and I turned purposefully without paying attention to the reflection, grabbing the ibuprofen. I swallow four and put the bottle back. I switched the light back off as I went back into my bedroom and dressed for bed.

2 AM. It’s as if my brain just won’t shut off at night anymore and I’m awake until it hurts. Night after night for how long now? A week? Two weeks? A month, maybe. Maybe more. Usually I’m tired by now but I’m not. I lay in bed, drawing the covers up to my chin. I stare into the darkness for a while and realize I forgot my cellphone on the desk. I roll my eyes as I get up to grab it. The hard wood floors that squeaked under my feet are cold, even in the summer night.

I hate this apartment.

I make my way down the short hallway.

“Three.” It’s a hoarse whisper that crawls through the air, over my skin and into my ears. I freeze. It’s dark everywhere and the panic is making my vision even darker than it really is and I can’t see anything now.

“Who- who’s there?” I correct my shaky voice and try to stand confidently in place. Silence is the only thing that responds.

Three? I think to myself, confused. I quickly cross the living room and snatch my phone off the desk, turning the flashlight on. It’s 3:02am I see on the screen. Three?

With the light of my phone leading the way, I get back to the bed and throw myself into the slew of blankets and quilts. I cover my head and I don’t want to look around anymore. Have I hit delirium now since I haven’t slept in what felt like so long? Three? Meaning three o clock?? I closed my eyes tight until white scribbles danced. I felt like I was losing my mind. When was the last time I got more than a couple hours of sleep? When was the last time I—

Heavy foot falls.

Oh my, god. This can’t be real. I can’t be hearing this. Was there someone in the hallway? Someone upstairs above me? That couldn’t have come from inside my apartment. It had to have, though. This was crazy.

The footsteps.

They come into my room from the living room. Loud.

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

Like a mans footfall with heavy boots. The floor squeaked with each step.

They stop. Am I dreaming? Did I fall asleep? This can’t be happening. I have to be dreaming. I bite my lip hard enough to draw blood and that’s when I couldn’t hold back the tears anymore.

I can hear breathing. Deep breaths.

I begin to sweat and I’m on the verge of hyperventilating. I’m breathing so loud that I can’t hear the breath in the room anymore which is a small relief. I begin to laugh through my sobs. This cannot be real. I’m going crazy.

“Two.” The same whisper from before. So close it had to be on the other side of my blanket. I could imagine the breath of that word touching my face if it weren’t for this blanket. Two?! Tears are steaming down my face. I turn to where Adam used to lay. I clench the sheet in my hand. How I so badly wish he was still here with me. To wrap his arms around me. Hold me. To protect me. To protect me from this thing. If it was a thing. If it was anything.

I close my eyes tighter through the tears and imagine Adam’s face. So boy like. But grown. His blonde wavy hair and dark brown eyes. His slightly crooked, bright, big white teeth. Always laughing. And always smiling.

Always smiling- until the end. My depression took a hold of me. I think it became more than depression. I began crying for no reason. Getting mad at everything around. Getting mad at him. He begged me to talk to him. To lean on him. To love and open up to him more like I used to. It was a like a black curtain fell heavy on my life and took everyone and everything away with it. He realized I wasn’t going to seek help with him and he begged me to see a doctor. Get a diagnosis. Maybe there would be a medication that could help me get back to myself.

Get back to myself.

But I didn’t. Everything seemed to engulf me.

He left me. And that was a month ago now. Was it a month? Was it two? How long had I been laying here now?

A loud bump across my bedroom stole me from my thoughts and brought me back under the blanket. Fresh terror gripped me. I opened my eyes under the blanket. Darkness. The tears slowed and I wanted to be brave. I so badly want to be brave.

Was it a burglar? A drunk who got lost on his way home? There were a few old, drunks who lived in this building. I had seen them stumbling around the halls before, nodding to me as they went along.

I slowly gripped the edge of my blanket and peeled it down away from my face. Slowly. Slowly.

The room was empty.

I swallowed hard- unbelievingly. There was really no one here.

I glanced at my phone. 5am. I turned to the window, my eyes still a little blurry from the tears. The first hint of sunlight. Very dull and dim- but there. It would be light soon. I smiled to myself. Relief. Light.

“One.”

—

“Police entered the apartment of Denise Willems at 12pm on Sunday the 3rd after her employer reported her missing. Denise had not shown up to work for four days, which was very unlike her. Denise was not found in her apartment but her cell phone, keys and purse were located inside. Denise also has a cat who was found alive and well inside but without any food or water. She was taken to the local humane society until she can be claimed. If you have seen Denise or have any information of her whereabouts please contact the local authorities.”