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This is Worse

There's no going back.

By Shelby SchwartzPublished 2 years ago 11 min read
2
This is Worse
Photo by Wes Hicks on Unsplash

I've caused pain before, but not like this.

I've done things I can't undo.

I have caused others pain, but never damaged someone so much that they can't come back from it.

This is worse. I wasn't even in the room. I was at the other end of the house and I come back to this. There she is laying on the hardwood floor. She is face down, her auburn hair flowing over her, and blood pooling around her. I heard her fall from my bedroom where I was laying down. Resting after a long day at my new job. She never even screamed. It was just a loud bang. I ran as fast as I could to figure out the noise and this is how I found her.

She was the last one to believe in me. I had been down the wrong path to many times before. I wanted to get out of the rut I was in. To prove everyone wrong. That I wasn't just a drunk who would fight anyone that got in my way. I hadn't touched a drop. I had been in and out of jail since high school. Every time I got put back in, it was because I was drinking and I beat someone up. I knew I needed to clean up my act. I knew I needed to set things right. My cousin being the last one to try and actually help me. She believed that I could be a better person. She let me into her home. Gave me my own space and loved me.

Alcohol wasn't allowed in the house. That was her main rule. I have been abiding by it since I got out. She picked me up from jail and let me stay at her home. She took me in when no one else would. I just knew I couldn't let her down. I always helped her around the house. Dishes, sweeping, even cooking dinner. I watched her daughter when she needed to run to the store or would be late from work. She trusted me and I trusted her.

Now I stand in the kitchen over her bleeding body. Unsure of what to do.

The only thing I know is everyone will believe I did it.

That I pushed her. Or I punched her. That I did something to hurt her. She's more than hurt. She's dead. She's gone. My last remaining hope is gone. I wasn't even in the room. No one will believe me. I don't know what to do. I can't leave her like this.

I fall to my knees and gently roll her over. I have to hold back a gasp as I see what she has fallen on. She must have been holding a knife in her hand. The knife has been impaled across her face. Her eyes are wide open as it is imbedded across, cutting into one of her pretty blue eyes. I don't dare try and take it out. Blood is still seeping out of the wound. The life that has once filled those sky blues is gone. Nothing left but darkness and emptiness. It cuts down to the corner of her chin, right through those plump lips that everyone always raved about. The shock alone could have killed her. There is no way I could have saved her.

I have never killed anyone.

Only caused pain... and suffering.

This is something I never would have done. I feel pain in my heart from looking at her. I have never felt the urge to cry as much as I do now. I want to bring her back. I need her to come back. Why did she have to leave me like this? She knows I'm nothing without her and now I'm alone. More so than I have ever been. I need to call an ambulance. But I know the minute I call someone, I will be put in jail. I can't go back to jail. I can't go back to jail. I have been there enough times, I don't want to go back.

I have to run. That's it. I must run away. I know running will look bad, but it doesn't matter. It will look bad no matter what I do. I stand back up, gazing down at the stiffened corpse of my beloved cousin. I let the blood continue to stain the floor. Something that will not be able to be removed. At least not very easily. A reminder that I didn't get to her in time. She bled out before I could make it out of my bedroom. She fell on her own accord and I know they would say I'm at fault.

I rush back to my bedroom. I grab my backpack from under the bed and stuff it with as much clothes as I can. Then I head back to the kitchen, carefully walking around her. I grab water and food.

I lean down to her, bushing away loose hairs. I gently close her one eye. The one without the knife sticking in it. It is the best I can do with the situation. I say a small prayer, hoping God is looking out for her. Praying he has taken her into his arms and told her how good she has done. How she has been there for others when they don't deserve her. I wish I could have been there for her. I would have never let her fall. That knife would have never been in her hand. I'm so sorry, cousin. There is nothing I can do at this point. I will leave and call the tip line.

But I can't stay here. I can't get put back in jail.

I make my way to the front door. Staring at all the pictures on the wall. The family photos. My cousin, her husband and her beautiful daughter. I look at every one of those smiling photos and think. Think that I came into their household and now they lost a mother and a wife. This isn't my fault, but it sure feels like it is. I couldn't save her. There was nothing I could do, but I know they would never believe me. I step out of the front door. The rain is pouring out now. Flooding the streets. I step off the porch, letting the rain fall over me. I look back at the house I had become to call home, standing in the showers. A home that is now a nightmare in this storm.

------------------

I don't know how long I've been on this road. It seems never ending. One long road with trees on either side. The other end covered in fog. I thought I would be off it by now. I'm not sure how long I've been walking. Ten minutes, an hour. Time is nothing to me now. Especially when you can't see the sun. It's so gloomy and cold. Fog is heavy over me, I can only see a few feet in front of me. I pray a car doesn't come along and hit me.

Though, that would probably be a better punishment.

I left home in a rush after the accident. Though, I know no one would see it that way. Thus the reason for running. I can't get locked away again. I just can't. This time I swear it wasn't my fault. She fell and didn't get up. I didn't push her. I know I didn't. I wasn't even in the room. No one would ever believe me if I had stayed to try and prove my innocence. The only choice was to leave, get out while I had a chance. I know what I did in the past wasn't right. I understand that now, but I'm not going to take blame for something I didn't do.

I keep pushing myself to walk. This road has to end soon. I can only hope. Night has to be falling soon. I don't want to be caught out here at night. It looks scary enough during the day, it must be worse at night. I'm not one to scare easily, but there hasn't been a car since I turned down here. That alone tells me it must be an abandoned road. Right? If the road is avoided, who knows what can happen. I pray it ends soon.

It's silent, dead silent.

I don't even hear a cricket chirping.

No rustling in the bushes. Not an animal in sight. It's creepy and eerie. I thought nothing could be worse than prison, but I was wrong. This is worse. It makes me want to turn around and go home, but I can't go back there either. I need to suffer through this. The end has to be near. It just has to be.

My legs are getting tired, my sweater is doing nothing to keep me warm, and I'm hungry. The gray sky is slowly turning darker and I'm worried I will be stuck out here, walking through the night. I wrap my arms around me, trying to keep warm, but it doesn't seem to help. My stomach is growling and there is no market or restaurant in sight. My water supply is running low. This could not get any worse. I should have never turned down this road.

The scenery never seems to change. I swear I've seen the same tree at least five times now. With the night coming closer and closer and I'm becoming more and more afraid. I wonder if I should turn back. I have been walking for so long, I don't know if I would make it back in time.

Does it even matter anymore?

Will I make it out of here alive?

Just as it seems like the night is about to consume me, a figure steps out of the woods. At first I assume it is a figment of my imagination. I keep walking, assuming it will fade away with the fog, but instead it seems to be walking towards me. Maybe it is someone else who got lost along this road. The figure keeps coming closer, not showing any signs of stopping. It's tall and has a stature of a man. It only looks like a shadow. Like someone else is walking and the sun is casting the shadow behind it. There are no discerning features and it's still coming closer.

"You lost?" A husky voice calls out to me. But it echoes around me.

I look around wondering where it came from. It doesn't sound like it came from the figure walking towards me, but its the only logical answer. I stop moving and stare it down. Hoping it stops moving as well. I'm trying hard not to shake, but I can feel my body shivering and its not from the cold.

"I asked you a question. Are you lost?" The voice calls out again.

"No, I'm not." I answer, trying to sound confident.

The figure seems to lean back and a laughter roars from within. It surrounds me, crushing me. I drop to my knees, covering my ears, praying it stops.

"Your a little ways from home. Running away are you? What are you running from?" It says with a hidden smirk.

"I'm not running from anything." I bark back. Hoping it will leave me alone.

"That's not what I heard."

"You don't even know me. I don't know you." I yell out.

"I know you and I know what you've done."

I jump up and start to step backwards. The voice is becoming more and more familiar. It's walking closer, I thought I would be able to see who it was by now, but I still can't see it's face. It's the shape of a man my height now. The shadow still prominent, covering the whole thing. I can't see a face. I can't see anything but the shadow. I back up and end up tripping on a branch, falling over. I hear the crack in my ankle. The pain coming next. I do everything I can to keep from crying out.

It towers over me, the dark of the night not nearly as dark as this. I'm scared and I wish I would have stayed home. I wish I wouldn't have run. I should have tried to fight for my life, but I'm a coward who ran. Who didn't want to go to jail. I would rather be in jail right now.

"Your right. You are a coward. Jail would have been nicer than I'm going to be."

I can't stop the scream that releases from my throat as I stare into my own eyes. The same hazel ones my father once had. My own callused hand reaching out for me, gripping tightly to my neck and my scream becomes gurgles trying to escape. I try and get him to let go, but nothing gets him to loosen his steel like grip. He drags me into the woods and that's the last time I see the road that leads to nowhere.

(I wrote this on another platform called Reedsy Prompts. I did some more editing and fixed it up a little.)

supernatural
2

About the Creator

Shelby Schwartz

Hey, I'm Shelby and I've been an avid writer for about 6 years now. I mainly write about death and dabble in horror. I enjoy some poetry every now and then. I enjoy getting my words on paper and sharing my thoughts. Hope you enjoy.

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