The Train

The Train

By Nickolas Jacobs

BANG!!!

My eyes open. I’m lying face up on the floor of…somewhere. Due to the lack of lighting, I am ignorant of my surroundings. The sounds under me allude to a train. As I stand, a sharp pain hits my left abdomen. The frost on the window tells me that heat has been absent here for quite some time.

I wipe away the frost and peer through the glass. The outside shows a nightmare of a scene, with massive snow covered mountains reaching into low hanging clouds. The unnatural speed of the train makes it impossible to distinguish any landmark that would give some clue to where I am; or more importantly where I’m going. There is only a faint glow from the moon, providing the only light I have in this car. I look into my reflection. At least I know my face. Still middle aged and graying. The circles under my eyes look particularly swollen right now.

I use some of the cold water from the frost to wipe on my face and run through my hair.

How did I get here? Oh my God I don’t even know my name. My mind is flooded with so many unanswered questions, I can't help but panic. I check my jacket, vest, and trouser pockets for any clue for who I am: a wallet, a ticket, a picture. Nothing.

Bang! Bang!

I jump at the familiar knock on my door, the same one that woke me up. Maybe it’s someone who can tell me what the hell is going on. I cautiously make my way to the door and turn the cold knob. Anticipating to find someone, I am only greeted with an empty narrow hallway. I walk into the corridor and am confronted with more darkness. By now it is safe to assume the entire train is void of light. From what I can see, it's a passenger car in a steam engine train. I’ve been on one of these trains before but when?

“Ticket please.”, a dry raspy voice asks.

Startled, I turned around in defense. A tall slender man, wearing a black tuxedo, stands motionless in front of me. It's as though he appeared from thin air. His long boney hand is extended palm up awaiting a ticket. I look up to see the shadows stream across his pale, sunken features. His skin is pale white and seems to be pulled too tight around his skull. His eyes are big and black.

“Who are you?”

“I am the conductor of this train. I keep this train on schedule. Ticket please?”

He responds in the same lifeless voice.

“I don’t think I have one.”

“No ticket?”

“No, I’m sorry. I’m a little confused as to how I got here. Maybe you can help? Did you see me with anyone?”

The conductor shakes his head no.

“Did your staff put me in there?”

He again, shakes no.

“Maybe I hit my head…” He interrupts me with a loud…

“Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”. He lowers his long index finger from his lips.

He gestures for me to reenter my room. I’m hesitant but I agree. He says nothing and simply walks over to the bench near the window. He gestures for me to join, so I sit on the bench opposite him.

“Sit down George. You must see,'' he whispers.

“Wait a minute. That’s my name isn’t it? How do you know my name?”

He ignores my question and stares intensely with his dead eyes, at the middle of the frosted window. I look as well. At first, I see nothing but the fast moving landscape but slowly, in our faint reflection, our room illuminates in the glass. The reflected room is still this room but not as it is in its current, dark and lonely state, but instead brightly lit and filled with people. They crowd around something on the floor. It’s a person. It’s me.

I’m on the floor exactly where I woke up moments ago. I see myself lying on my back in a puddle of blood. This draws my attention to my current self. I touch my lower abdomen and see blood all over my fingers.

“Am I dead?”

“Not yet, but soon.”

I look back at the reflection, trying to understand what has caused this horrific scene. A woman rises up from kissing my cheek. I know her; she’s my wife Meredith! We’ve been married for almost 20 years. We have two children; a boy and a girl. I see my son, David who is 17 years old and my 8 year old daughter, Susie. I remember.

“That’s my family!”

I see David run to the door and scream out into the hallway,

“Is anyone a doctor? We need help! My father’s been shot!”

“Shot?! I’ve been shot?! Who shot me?” I ask The Conductor.

“Shhhhhhhhhh.”

I return to the reflection. Susie is gripping onto my lifeless body. Her brown curly hair sticks to her tear soaked face and her pretty white dress is splattered with droplets of my blood.

“Daddy, wake up! Please wake up Daddy”.

“Hold on Baby!” I scream to the reflection as it fades.

The scene dissolves till I can only see the dark frosted window of my current situation. I turn to The Conductor.

“You said I’m not dead yet, so how do I get back?”

“There is no way back.”

“But I don’t have a ticket.”

“A ticket will be issued very soon.”

“You mean when I die?”

“Yes. Then I can take you to your final destination. You must wait here with me until your ticket is issued.”

“So you’re Death?”

“Death is one of the names I’ve been called. I am nothing. A ripper of life, an usher of pain and a provider of peace. I am the darkness that haunts you. I am the darkness that hunts you.”

His voice vibrates into the depths of my body.

In a knee jerk reaction I rise from my seat and run towards the door. The Conductor grabs my wrist. I struggle and pull away but his icy grip is stronger than a metal vise. With each passing moment he holds me, he absorbs more of my life. His darkness fills the room as I lose consciousness. Just then, I slip out of my jacket and break free. With my strength back, I pump my legs as hard as I can until I’m out of the room and into the hall.

I run, with no idea where I am going or what my plan is. Sprinting to the other end of the car, I look back briefly to see a black cloud of shadows right behind me. In the cloud, I can make out the The Conductors long silhouette steadily advancing towards me.

I slam into the door and frantically slide it open without any preparation for what's outside of the car. I fight through the snow and savage wind to cross the threshold of the door. I slide it shut with shadows immediately filling up the glass on the other side. The Conductor’s pale face peeks through the abyss of blackness. I turn to see an equally terrifying sight. The train is passing over a ravine so deep that the bottom is not visible. I take one last breath of preparation and leap. I land on the other side but my stability quickly dissolves when I slip on a patch of ice. I grab hold of a railing just in time and save myself from a lengthy fall into the dark abyss below. Once I regain my footing I slide open the door and slip inside the next car.

A plan formulates in my head as my lungs burn from the physical strain of running in such cold air. The Conductor does not stop his pursuit towards me. When I look back at where I just leapt from I see The Conductor staring back at me; but more notable to my survival, I notice that I was in the caboose of the train. This leads me to think if there’s a last car then there’s got to be a first car. More importantly, there has to be an engine car pulling this train. Even though this train does not exist in the realm of my reality it seems to function as a regular train. If I can stop this train then I can get off. It’s a long shot and I’m not for sure but it’s the best idea I’ve got. I have to get back to my family.

Car after car I leap over the icy couplings only stopping to momentarily catch my breath. My lungs feel like they will implode at any second. I stop near the window and wipe away the frost. I’ve traveled through at least a dozen cars; I must be getting close. I look out through the small spot on the window I created. I see the steam engine car, it’s about 6 more cars ahead. I feel a fresh surge of energy flow through me.

“Daddy?” a little girl’s voice says. I turn from the window and see my daughter Susie! She stands in front of me as real as the rest of my surroundings. She found me, but how?

I fall to my knees.

“Susie! Baby!”

She runs into my arms. This can’t be real but I grab and squeeze her anyway.

“Baby how did you find me?”

“You wouldn’t wake up so I came to you.”

“What do you mean? You didn’t get hurt did you? You didn’t hurt yourself did you?”

“Are you mad Daddy?”

“No Sweetheart. Why would I be?”

“I brought you your watch.”

She hands me my old pocket watch that I used to give to her when she was scared.

Tears fill my eyes.

“Keep it Daddy.”

“Ok Baby, if that’s what you want?”

I put the pocket watch in my vest pocket.

“Daddy I want you to see something.”

“Baby I’d love to see it but we have to go.”

“You never have time for me Daddy.”

She’s right. I always say I have to do something else. I shudder to think about the reality of my daughter actually being on this train with me and what that would mean.

“Ok baby, what do you want to show me?”

I walk with her deeper into the car to several booths. On the table are multiple sheets of paper. They are all drawings of a family. I pick up a stack and flip through them. I realize quickly that this is not just a family, it's our family. The drawings are adorable. She had drawn us next to our old house before we moved. There’s a drawing of us camping. I remember that camping trip and how I struggled with lighting the fire. As I flip through the pages, the pictures develop a more serious tone. I’m writing at the computer, Mom is sitting by herself, David playing baseball and Susie crying.

I look up at Susie who is now cutting me out of the pictures with big silver plated scissors.

“Honey, why are we so sad?”

“Because you don’t love us anymore.”

“That’s not true sweetheart.”

“Daddy look at all the pictures.”

Susie says this to me as she makes another cut in the paper.

I shiver from the cold. The temperature seems to be dropping in this car. I flip to the next picture. It’s me laying on the floor with blood coming out of his stomach. Susie, Meredith, and David are all crying around me.

“Baby…this picture isn’t…”

“Daddy, do you remember when you said you didn’t want me?”

I knew what she was talking about. It was a terrible father moment. I was drunk and Meredith and I were arguing about money. I said that we weren’t ready for a Susie and we should have never had a second child. When I had said it, Susie was standing right there behind me holding a picture she drew of the family. It broke her heart. It was a horrible thing to say, but she heard it, loud and clear.

“Honey, sometimes adults say things…” I put the drawings down to comfort her but instead she continues to cut me out of the current drawing she holds.

“One more Daddy. Keep looking.”

I’m shaking; it’s so cold in this car. I flip to the final picture. The last drawing horrifies me. It’s a drawing of Susie holding a giant pair of scissors. There is blood on the scissors and blood coming from her neck.

“Susie? What is this…” I pull down the drawing in time to see Susie plunge her throat onto the giant silver plated scissors she was using. I watch the blades disappear into her neck further and further until the scissor handles are the only part that remains to be seen. Blood gushes out of her throat and onto the table much faster than I can react to save her.

“Susie! No!!!” I catch her as he falls to the floor. I pull the scissors out, releasing more blood to pour out of the wound. The blood runs down her body soaking her white dress.

“Oh my God! No, no, no! Please God no!” I hold my daughter close to me as life leaves her body. I squeeze her body against mine and kiss her forehead. I ignored her. I neglected her. I made her feel like I never wanted her and now she’s taken her own life.

I look up and through the tears in my eyes I see The Conductor moving towards me from the middle of the car. For a moment I consider staying with my daughter and letting death take me. I look down at her pretty blood stained face.

“This can’t be real,” I think. No, this isn’t my daughter.

I lay my little girl down, close her eyes, and kiss her forehead.

“Daddy’s coming baby. Hold on!”

The Conductor closes in on me. I back away from Susie and watch as the dark void of shadow takes her. I turn and exit the car, shutting the door behind me. I leap across the couplings to the next car.

“That was a trap. Death is trying to slow me down. That wasn't really my daughter was it?”

I sprint through the next 2 cars faster than I’ve ever run before. I have to make it to the engine car and stop this train. I have no idea what will happen but I can guess anywhere is better than being on this train of nightmares and death.

What stops me in the next car is not fear or the bitter cold but instead warmth. I feel warmth for the first time since I woke up. That seems like forever ago now. I walk deeper into the car.

“Hi Honey.”

A woman stands with her back to me. Through her sheer robe I can see she is completely naked. I know that body and I know that voice. She turns. It’s Meredith, my wife.

She holds a martini in one hand and a glass of whiskey in the other.

“I went ahead and made you a drink.”

I approach her knowing that this is some cheap magic trick played by The Conductor to slow me down. Even knowing this, I can’t make my body stop moving towards her. It’s as though I’m under some kind of spell.

I’m close enough to smell her perfume. She kisses me on the cheek leaving a red lip mark.

“Oh, look at me leaving a lip mark on you. Drink your drink.”

I take the drink she hands me which burns all the way down my throat to my stomach. I cough a little. Maybe water would have been better. Meredith giggles.

“Come dance with me in front of the fire.” She leads me over to the fireplace where roaring flames crackel the wood it consumes. Soft jazz music plays in the background and we hold each other and sway.

After a few moments I pull away.

“What are you doing here?”

“Do you not want me here?”

“Of course I do but this isn’t real.”

I walk to the fireplace mantle and sit my glass of whiskey down. I stare into the fire and get lost in flames.

“Honey, of course it’s real.”

I look up from the fire and in the reflection of the mirror above the mantle. I see Meredith and I swaying to Jazz music. It was much like when The Conductor showed me earlier in the window. Meredith and I are younger in the reflection.

“Can we dance forever right here?”

Meredith asks as she lays her head on my shoulder.

“I’d like that. You know I’ve been thinking…”

I get on one knee.

“Will you marry me baby?”

I remember now. We got engaged on an antique train like this one. What a great night that was. Now, almost 20 years of marriage later and we are on the brink of divorce and our family is broken. We are neglecting our children. The only attention we give them is when we use them as ammunition against each other in our arguments. She suggested that we take a family trip on the old train we got engaged on.

I refocus my attention on the reflection of us dancing and notice that it’s not me anymore that she is swaying with. It's another man. She looks into his eyes as she once did mine.

“You know I used to be married, but my husband stopped wanting me.”

“That’s not true Meredith! I love you.”

I plea to her through the reflection.

“He stopped telling me that he loved me. He stopped fucking me like a man should fuck his wife. I thought I’d never find that passion again until I met you.”

My heart breaks watching my wife say these words to another man.

“Stop!” I yell.

“Don’t you worry Meredith. I will never stop fucking you.” Just as I realize whose voice that is, I see The Conductor’s pale lifeless face in the glow of the fire.

Before I can move away he pushes her against me pinning me between my wife and the mantle. I push back with all my strength but there’s too much force pushing against me to move them off. He turns my wife to face me as he slips himself inside her from behind. I can hear that he’s inside of her. The Conductor thrusts himself into her again and again. Meredith screams out in ecstasy as she makes passionate love to Death himself.

“Get off! Get off of me now!!” I plea. This only makes The Conductor thrust harder and faster into my wife.

I can feel the heat from the fire on my legs. This may be either real or fake; I’m not sure anymore but I can certainly feel the heat.

Suddenly I lose my breath completely. I see in the reflection that The Conductor has a grip of my arm. My vision blurs and lose my strength with each moment he touches me. With one last burst of energy I stick my foot in the fire and kick out the flaming logs behind me.

I turn to see the dark reality of the car. Meredith cries and covers her naked body with her sheer robe. The Jazz music has stopped and the room is completely dark again except for the fire that I kicked. The pieces of flaming log are scattered among a trail of glowing embers. The Conductor screeches at me from the other side of the flames. He doesn’t cross, giving me a chance to escape. I run a few feet and then turn for Meredith.

“I’m sorry Meredith! I’m sorry I stopped trying!”

“George, don’t go!”

I fight my instinct to run to her and instead turn and head towards the exit. I hear The Conductor scream at me.

“Soon you will have your ticket!”

I stand in the crippling wind and snow outside. I look ahead and see there is only one more car until the engine car. I’m almost there! Using what's left of my fading energy I leap to the next car.

I limp through the next car wondering if I should just wait there until The Conductor takes me. However, there is an idea growing in my mind that overtakes the thoughts of giving up. I have had two horrific interactions with my family and although I choose to believe that they themselves were not real, I can’t help but notice the real tokens from my exchange with them. Susie’s pocket watch, Meredith’s lipstick, the fire and my injured foot are all evidence of this. The most interesting fact is that The Conductor retreated from the fire. The answer hits me. Light kills darkness. It wasn’t the fire that scared the conductor, it was the light. I need to find more light.

Hanging on the wall is a lantern. I pull it down, unscrew the cap, and smell the container. I can’t believe that there is actually kerosene still inside. This train car is a lounge so I tear open every drawer to find matches or lighters. Nothing. I start to panic as I feel the car drop in temperature signifying The Conductor is near. I gather my nerves and try to stay focused.

Suddenly the answer comes to me right as I see The Conductor enter the car. Susie’s drawing of us camping. I close my eyes. I'm there. I figure if The Conductor has been using my own memories against me then I might as well give him memory to use. On our camping trip years earlier, I remember David was chopping wood and I was trying to light the fire. I wasn’t having much luck so I assigned the task to David. He will have the matches I need. I say it to myself over and over.

“Hey Dad.”

It’s David’s voice behind me.

I turn to see my son swing a massive silver ax at my head. I duck and run around him, shoving him to the side. I clasp my arms around him, trapping the ax between his arms and his body. I dig around in his right pocket. I can feel the matches. I fish for them with my fingers until I pinch onto the box. David tears from my grip and rebalances. He winds back and swings again; this time striking me in the lower abdomen. The exact spot of my gunshot wound. Blood spills out of the wound as David removes the now red stained ax. I drop to my knees and gasp for air.

“Remember all those batting lessons you gave me? They paid off I guess.”

“Son please!”

“You were always so concerned with my life until I quit baseball. Then you gave up on raising me. You were disappointed in me. Isn’t that what you said?!”

The Conductor moves in behind David.

“Why don’t you just stay on this train? We don’t need you anymore.” David says.

I stand and gasp for air.

“David…”

“Yes Dad?”

I hold up the box.

“Thanks for the matches.”

With that I raise my foot and kick David into The Conductor. The illusion of my son fades into nothing as The Conductor moves towards me.

With little time I grab the lantern. I strike a match on the box and it yields only sparks. I strike again and again until finally a flame. The Conductor grabs my shoulder and I feel the breath leave my body.

“Ticket please.”

I look in my top vest pocket and there is black shiny ticket. I must be too late. I must be dead. I turn to The Conductor anyways.

“No thanks. I’d like to get off.” I hold up the fully lit lantern and The Conductor schreeks and withdrawals away from me. I lift the lantern and smash it on the ground in front me. The flames escape the broken glass quickly and spread rapidly creating a fiery wall between The Conductor and I.

I still have to stop this train. Using what time the fire has spared me I run to the engine car using what life I have left. I leap across the train couplings one more time and enter the engine room. Through the window I can see a station in the distance. I scan through dozens of knobs and levers until I see a giant red lever with the words EMERGENCY BRAKE written under it. I grasp the lever and pull hard, which engages the brakes. I’m thrust forward due to the power of the train violently stopping. It feels like it takes the train a mile to halt but it finally does. I rise up and look out the window to see a station which I was not expecting to see in this nightmare of a world. A white light illuminates behind the station door. Back in the other car the fire has died out but I see no Conductor. I exit the engine train and limp to the station. It’s not far but the walk couldn’t feel further. I arrive at the door with barely any life left and place my hand over the door knob and twist.

Just then I feel the icy grip of The Conductor grab my other arm.

“You cannot leave when you have been issued a ticket!”

I pull and struggle and fight away from him using every bit of energy I can. My muscles tear and my skin feels like going to rip apart. With one last power pull I break free of his grip and fall into the station's brightly lit room.

I hear their muffled voices; “Daddy wake up…You can’t go George…I miss you Dad.”

My eyes open. I see at least a dozen or so people in this small train car. An EMT writes on a clipboard while conversing with his colleague.

“Time of death is 9:23. I think we should get the family out of here.”

I see my family and they see me.

“He’s awake!”

I hear David say.

“Daddy!”

Susie exclaims.

“Oh my God George! George, can you hear me?” Meredith asks.

So many voices start talking at once.

“Yes I can hear you better than ever.”

Meredith breaks down into tears of joy. My family hugs me all at once. My wife leaves her lipstick marks all over me.

Sometime later, I am sitting on a gurnee about to be put into an ambulance.

“We haven’t found the man who shot you. He disappeared pretty quickly. We will let you know if we find him. You are lucky to be alive. You’re one hell of a fighter.”

I nod my head.

“Thanks officer.”

The EMT approaches me.

“Unfortunately only one member of the family can ride with him to the hospital.”

I look at my wife holding Susie.

“You take Susie in the car. David, ride with me son.”

“Ok dear.”

Meredith leans in with Susie. I kiss Meredith on the lips as I’ve never kissed her before.

“I love you. You are beautiful.”

Meredith smiles like she did the day I asked her to marry me on the train. “Susie, do you still have the watch?”

“Yes Daddy. I held onto the whole time like you told me to when I was afraid.”

“That’s a good girl. I had it too.”

“Ok let’s go” says the ambulance driver to the EMT.

“I’ll see you at the hospital.”

I tell Meredith.

I am loaded up into the ambulance. David along with the EMT jumps in as well.

“David?”

“Yes?”

“What do you say when I get out of the hospital we go play some catch. Just for fun”.

David places his hand on mine.

“I’d like that.”

“Try to save your strength” , says the EMT to me.

“Is my dad going to be ok?”

He looks at my son hopefully,

“He’s going to be just fine.”

I smile at David and lay my head back, grateful my eyes are open.