The First Time for the Second Time

It had been so long since Jonah had seen this side of the forest. The snow that just barely blanketed the road when he drove through town was thick and lush on the forest floor. Since leaving for work on the other side of the country he had only ever returned during the summer months, but now that he finally had a chance to come back for the winter he was reminded just how much he missed wandering the spaces between the trees with the snow under his boots. He had been waiting for months to bring Claudia out here and show her his favorite place tucked away between the trees, a small clearing that had always felt like it was there just for him. Jonah stopped walking just for a moment to bask in winter's inviting chill. He could feel the bit of sweat on the top of his mustache beginning to turn to ice as he inhaled deeply through his nose. It was glorious.

"You need a breather already, babe? I thought this place was supposed to be so easy to get to," Claudia chided, jabbing him in the ribs with her elbow as she caught up to him.

"Oh! No, sorry. I got so caught up in the walk that I didn't realize how far ahead of you I had gotten. We're almost there, though."

"It's fine, honey. I'm glad you're having such a good time, and I cannot wait to see whatever it is that you love so much about - this," she said, chortling out the final words.

"You don't like walking through the woods with your very handsome boyfriend?" Jonah asked jokingly.

"I love it. Just, you know, not as much when I have to wear three jackets and wade through a random snowbank halfway to wherever I'm going. Which is where again, exactly?"

Jonah could only look at her and laugh as he replied, "It's just through these trees. We should be seeing it any minute now."

They had only been dating for a little over a year, but Jonah already knew that if he was going to propose, this was the place he wanted to do it. He tried not to think about that too much. It felt somehow disingenuous to imagine that he could desire that kind of dedication and commitment already, but Jonah wasn't going to deny how he felt to himself even if there was some strange guilt that came with it. Even if he wasn't proposing today, he could imagine what it would be like, and he could enjoy a perfect day with Claudia no matter what was going on in the back of his mind.

"Is that it?" Claudia shouted excitedly, pointing towards the break in the tree line not far ahead of them.

"That's the spot! You got it, babe," Jonah replied with a wide grin. He hadn't even finished answering her before Claudia began sprinting through the snow towards his favorite place in the world.

"Okay, bye forever, I guess," Jonah called out as Claudia broke through the low hanging branches and into the clearing.

"This. Is. Gorgeous!" he heard her say as Jonah finally caught up to that edge of the woods. He could see her inspecting the view on the the far side of the clearing as he began to pass through branches himself.

"Right?! I always came here whe-" Jonah's words were cut off when his foot slipped through a pocket in the snow. Instinctively he reached out to catch himself on a tree only for the palm of his glove to tear on the dense bark. As he fell face first into the clearing Jonah felt a burst of powdery snow hit him before he hit the ground. Jonah didn't see Claudia when he looked up for the snow on his eyebrows obscuring his vision or having been turned around during the fall, but he could hear her calling out to him clearly.

"Honey? Are you okay?" She yelled through the trees.

"Yeah, babe. I just fell in the snow," he called back, confused that she was no longer in the clearing with him. He looked around as he stood, surveying the clearing and surrounding trees, unable to understand exactly what had happened.

"Well slow down," he heard her say. "I'm going as fast as I can."

"What?!" Jonah screamed. He wondered if he had hit his head and not felt it. This sense of déjà vu was more than just that. It was as if he were seeing the clearing for the first time all over again. Like the first time for the second time.

"What?" Jonah heard another voice say.

It was closer than Claudia's. More familiar. It was his. Jonah turned to see himself. Some version of himself. Some impossible, impeccable him. The exact same in every single way. His eyes widened. He could feel the blood in his veins rushing as though his heart no longer needed beating. The Jonah that he was looking at came closer without moving, somehow rushing towards him in a flash. He was under him. Who was under him. Jonah. Jonah could see the fear and confusion on Jonah's face. Closer. Blood pooling in his eyes. In his eyes. Fear. Confusion. Fear. Blood. A primal, guttural scream bellowed out from a place so deep within Jonah that he had never before known that part of himself capable of feeling.

Sweat poured down Jonah's own face as he looked at that of his other. Of the Jonah beneath him. The Jonah whose face he had instinctually torn apart with his own hands. He could feel Jonah's blood on his palm where his glove had torn. Jonah cocked his head down to examine the gloves of the man he had just killed. They were pristine.

"Jonah!" He heard Claudia call out.

"Jonah!" He heard Claudia shriek.

He looked up to where the voices had come from. Just across from where he was in the clearing Jonah could make out something new. Something like a mirror being revealed by the falling snow. In short bursts and pieces of itself it came into focus. Trees stood on the other side. Claudia stood on the other side.

"Claudia! Don't!" He screamed, hoping that somehow those two words would convey everything he had to say.

Jonah could see Claudia staring at him in horror when they both heard the snow crunch not far away. Jonah followed Claudia's own gaze as it turned to meet her own. Claudia saw herself. Her eyes widened.

John Dodge can be found writing about comics over at CBR, and about things that he hopes haunt you forever right here on Vocal. He is also on Twitter talking about whatever, and talking (mostly) specifically about Magic: the Gathering also on Twitter. You can check out his shameless, half-hearted plugs on Facebook, or see what bullshit he decides is interesting on Instagram. If you would like to support him, the best way to do so is by liking, sharing, and following on social media. Actually, the best way is to send tips, but the social media thing is still pretty cool. Listen, just do whatever you want and don't let me make you feel bad about it just because this section down here started in third person to sound more professional or whatever.