THE EVIL SPIRITS OF AYN RAND AND ADOLF HITLER

The cabin in the woods had been abandoned for years, but one night, a candle burned in the window. "KILL ME!" you shouted.

On the TV, you saw Him: "It's pronounced Job like robe, like Job from the you-know-what..." Someone with a sword--

...

Two weeks earlier, you visited a Vedic astrologer.

When Donnie won his ill-fated election, you started praying to Satan. After that, the smell of tar permeated your neighborhood; and early in the morning before work, you heard numerous legs striking the ground, as if crawling. You ran to your bus stop.

You thought you'd feel better after Job won; and you did for a period of time, but wrong turns and bad experiences have brought you to Pandit Yad Adnan's doorstep.

You rang the doorbell.

A woman opened the door.

After you removed your shoes, she guided you to the living room where a Telugu film played on TV.

"Do you need water?" she asked as she placed a glass on the table.

You saw what looked like a red spice or powder on the water's surface...

After a few minutes, she returned to walk you to Adnan's room.

"Oh okay," you said and stood up.

She opened his door and you walked into the room. You sat down on a chair that faced him as he sat down on the other side of the table.

"How are you, brother?"

"Good."

He started drawing a chart while using an ephemeris.

"I'm not 100% sure if I was born at 4:45 or...3:45am."

"I'm already checking. No problem."

You thought he resembled a spiritual monk like Alyosha from The Brothers Karamazov.

"Get rid of this mask," Master Adnan commanded.

"Okay." You removed the cloth mask from your face.

He grabbed a handful of seashells from a drawer, scattered them on the table and examined them. (You heard the wind as if it were an ambient track playing seamlessly in the background.) He told you to cradle the seashells in your hands, ponder your problem, shake the shells in your cupped hands, and then drop them on the table... "Presently your native planet--very good....Give me your hands...This hand is a very good hand...It will help you till the end... Seriously--this HAND--any place you go, you can eat--no problem lifelong. Your education line means very big education...Medium education is ruining your life...No success....One woman is sending black magic--it's attacking your stomach inside...Who is this woman?..."

"I am not sure...Someone in my family, or someone I don't know?"

"Somebody in your family."

"It could be my aunt."

He shook the seashells, let them fall, banged his fist on the table, and said, "True.... If black magic's removed, you'll be happy; but if not removed--day by day--bugs are sleeping in your bed... You need prayers. These prayers cost: one thousand seven hundred ten dollars."

"...I don't know....I have just eighty dollars at the moment--in cash, but I have more in my--"

"...Slowly slowly arrange money. Try E-transfer." He told you to put your hand on the paper, say your name three times, then your mother's. "Write your full name, your mommy's name, your date of birth, your mommy's date of birth, your problems...Write me your address and phone number...Your signature...Write today's date...Write the money.... How much can you pay today?"

"Five hundred... I've never done e-transfers."

"...Slowly, slowly." He started folding the paper with the colorful powder. "Did you drink the water?"

"...I have my own bottle.... I could transfer from Savings into Checking."

"Today, can you try--$1000?"

"Should I transfer $1600?"

"Okay."

"There has to be a name."

"Yad Adnan."

"I-A-D--"

Adnan spoke his name into Google Translate and showed you the correct spelling. Then he listened to a voicemail. "Done?" he asked you.

"I think I can put the full amount."

He started folding the white paper when his i-Phone rang. "....Hello?"

"Hello..." the woman on the other line said.

"I can help you."

"...I'm calling...to remove....Would you be able to do it, or--how much...would be the cost?"

"My consultation is forty dollar...I'll remove everything...What problem?...Relationship problem?"

"Yeah...'cause...I don't want to keep crying....Let's face it, that's why I want to know the...price on the phone and then make you say that... A psychic like--"

"Where are you living?..."

"Lambquitok."

"I can help you with everything. When will you come meet me?"

"...I need to know...your price for the treatment because...the consultation is not gonna be changing my life, right?"

"Give me five minutes...Okay? I'm talking to clients..." He concluded that conversation; and turning to you again, asked, "Where do you work?"

"Hameln Hospital."

He waved a wand (with feathers attached to it) over your head as he started chanting rapidly: "Gurur Brahmā Gurur Viṣṇur Gurur devo Maheśvaraḥ. Guruḥ sākṣāt...jai ram...dūraṁ...Kaali...Om devi." He handed you the folded paper and said, "Take it to your house. Put it inside any T-shirt, fold it, put in a drawer in your personal room...I'm sending energy..."

You returned one week later and heard a bell ringing from the room....You saw Yad, and another man sitting on the other side of the desk.

"...I'm Guru Rajneesh... In our village in India, we have a charity... We are helping old people, poor children with some kind of education, food, clothing... So Vlad, I did a prayer in Toronto....Once I came here, my priest said, 'One of my brothers came....can you please help him?' So that's the reason I am here....In that meditation, I found out you want to become a king.... You have to get your marriage...and you have to earn lots of money--and you have to help the people.... Do you know some people hide jealous fire within, but in front of you they speak very sweet...but your character is not like that. You speak very straight and very honest... Because your heart is clear. Your heart is white...because your planet is Venus: the white and very purest planet.... You're the businessman. You have to earn billions of dollars. But life...it came turning to the health department. In that position, you also have to go by higher positions...one by one...you have to go, and sit in the topmost position; and in your hands, so many people will want to work.... But right now, your financial situation is not good....Past one year six months, you have no peace of mind. Sometimes if you talk to people, they will not give you a good response. Right now everything is blocked... So WHY is it blocked so many years?.... Did you see any kind of bad dreams...like some kind of bad energies or black animals? When you're sleeping, did somebody come and sleep with you...choking you; yet when you opened your eyes, nothing was in front of you?"

"Sometimes."

"And do you hear...some kind of voice when you are working...when you are at home--somebody's talking, something is moving...A black shadow is following you, something is going wrong...at your back?"

"I don't know."

"In the hospital, do you sense, like, any...mislike or some people are talking too nice?....Do you know some people--inside--you have a doubt--'maybe this person is not good for me; maybe his feelings are not good.' Did you find anybody like that?"

"Maybe."

"...Probably no enemies...because you're the jasmine...so everybody likes you. And you love very much... Not everyone is like that. They are like evil people--inside they're evil and outside they're so sweet...like so much of what is happening.... Once we prepared the positive energies, when I tried to send them to your body, something was blocking....So that's the reason tonight we are going to find out. Today I will give you the stuff....You have to come tomorrow...twelve o'clock. So what is the procedure? I will tell you....OHM. Para Brahma...Brahma Hari...Jai Mata Mahakali Mata...." He finished folding the consecrated paper. "So this one--you have to keep it, under the...pillow. Tomorrow, you have to bring this back...And if you have any negative energy, today we will find out, no?....If we will get to catch that negative energy, we need one container....Do you know the dollar shop?...You can go and buy one. Tomorrow, you have to bring--do you know the green lemons..."

"Limes?"

"Limes: twenty-four green limes...And uh, one bunch of flower...real flower..."

"...a bag of flour?"

"Yeah...Do you know the bunch?...This is plastic," he said as he pointed to some artificial flowers. "This is not real....You need...real--"

"Flowers."

"Yeah, flowers....And five different kinds of fruits." He finished folding the paper. "Now you can put it in your pocket."

The next day, you returned with a cylindrical glass container, a bouquet of flowers, and fruits. Master was ringing a bell in the room. "....before I explain everything, I have to ask you...did you see anything in your dream?....How did you sleep?"

"I think I slept well for the most part, but there was one...bad dream: A man--I'm not sure if it was me or not--was running....He was afraid of something...that he may have done....that he might be in trouble..."

"...What you said--it is 100% true. You are in trouble....a very dangerous situation you are facing....You thought, 'maybe...next month--maybe it will become good; maybe next year I will have a good time.' I called my grandfather...He's the charity owner....I asked him, 'Master, when I'm trying to send the positive energy...his body is not accepting it--why is that?' And after he meditated...he said, 'You can see in the meditation.' So when I meditated, I saw a bad evil spirit...it turned into a demon, and went inside your body....I saw the eyes--very big eyes....That kind of bad evil spirit is sitting in your body...."

"So has this been inside me for many years?"

"Yes. So many years--this has been sitting--and destroying your life. And do you know--in your heart, in your chest, in your body--it is squeezing!....If you go to the job--there is no happiness! If you make a friendship--no happiness!....Already so many people came in your life...But that bad spirit is pushing that woman or man....Nobody will like you. Nobody is interested in your life....I saw in South Africa, in Johannesburg, in Lenasia--one thirteen-year-old girl--she had this kind of bad spirit...They invited me...I caught that bad spirit, and I destroyed it...Today she is married, and she has children....I went to Trinidad also...I did the prayer, meditation; I succeeded then. In Fiji island--I saw three people facing this kind of problem....I said, 'Master--I helped so many people.' I'm ready to help you. I will take the risk! Do you know what Grandfather said? 'Don't go...because this soul died many years ago. This is a bad spirit--it will give you trouble,' he said. 'No, Grandfather, I've given your word for my brother. I'm ready to catch that one.' Like that, in your hand--did you bring the--"

"The shirt."

"....I will try to catch that bad spirit in your shirt... But once I catch it, we have to put it in the container.... That spirit...came and attacked your life, and it's sitting and destroying your life, do you know?.... So like that, this will give you trouble for your whole life. And it will be drinking, sucking the blood, and twisting your whole body.... Once I catch it, after...we cannot keep that evil spirit... So we have to destroy it....You don't know how to destroy that one--because it is sitting in your stomach, and in your private parts....Once we catch that evil spirit--I cannot give your blood....So we have to sacrifice the goats, sheep, hens, cocks, pigs--like different animals' blood....That evil spirit--once it comes to drink, we have to catch it, and we have to use fire, and we have to turn it into ashes, and after we have to collect the ashes, and we have to go to the cemetery--we have to dig deep, and we have to put the ashes inside, and we have to bury it. In America--it is illegal here...But in India--we have a temple, and we have a license. So after catching it, we have to send it to India...Once we catch it--once we burn it, then you will see how your life will reach a turning point....And if we have to do these kind of prayers, you know we have to buy animals. And we have to hire the Masters! And we have to sacrifice. It will cost money. Don't care about money! If you're still alive, do whatever you can do! If you end up dying, if you end up in a wheelchair, what's the use? It's too late....You have to come out, and you have to become strong, and you want to live like a king. I said you're the planet Venus--and you want to live like a lion. I didn't sleep all night, because I'm staggered! Because long long back I saw this kind of evil spirit in South Africa. That kind of bad spirit is in your body. Really, I'm surprised!...How did this come to sit in your body?"

"So are you sure it's been inside me for a long time, or--?"

"Yes. So you will see soon!...It will come out, but I need your support. WHAT support? Nothing. The expense--whatever it is--just you have to pay, that's it."

"It might take a...bit of time for me to have all the money, though. Like I'm not sure...what would it cost in total?"

"My priest is saying," he translated: "'First you have to catch it--make my brother free'....Ready brother?"

"Yeah."

"Good--strong. Let's go brother. Take all the fruits and flowers. Master, help him." They took you to a different room. "Om Namah Shivay. Jai Durga Mata. Jai Kali Mata...Om Namah Shivaya...Bram Breem. KREEM?...Swaḥ...Jai Lakshmi Mata....Repeat what I said: "'....Whatever's in my body--'"

"Whatever is in my body..."

"'Everything--'"

"Everything..."

"'Come out of my body!'"

"Come out of my body."

"'...What kind of sacrifice you need--'"

"What kind of sacrifice you need..."

"'I will give you.'"

"I will give you..."

"OM...Yo Nah Prachodayat. Om Kali Mata....Tantra Kali..." Yad started playing a wooden drum or ḍamaru. "Okay, give me the flowers to offer the Mother." They spoke in their language as they arranged the offerings for the altar of Kali--a black statuette with a sword. "Bring the knife," he told the priest. "....Adi Shakti...Jagadish...Jai Kali swah... Jai Mahalakshmi.... Okay...Brother?...So now I will start the meditation, okay?...Open your eyes--don't close your eyes. You must see what kind of negative things you have, okay?....When I start the prayer, I will give you the shirt. So you have to hold that shirt like this--and you have to tell me--" He demonstrated how to breathe out loud puffs of air. "'--You bad evil spirit. Where are you? Come out of my body.' Once it is coming, I have to," he opened the jar, "catch it here, okay?"

Holding your shirt, he inhaled and exhaled deeply. "....So this one--I will place it in your hand...Hold it like this--tightly--and you have to say, 'You bad evil spirit--where are you? You come out of my body. You need my blood! I will give the blood. Come out, come out, come out!'--like that, you have to call...Once I'm chanting, it will come out, okay? Take these lemons--hold it in your hand...touch your eyes, hair, mouth....Just touch it here," he rubbed you with a sliced lime. "Say, 'Come out! Where are you?'"

"Where are you?"

"'You bad evil spirit!'"

"Come out."

"'Come out of my body!'--like that you have to speak."

"Where are you, bad evil spirit?...Come out of my body."

"Say--'Come out--'"

"Where are you? Come out!"

"Yes!..." They started playing the ḍamaru drum and chanting again.

You said, "Come out. Where are you? You bad evil spirit--come out. Come out of my body..."

"'Where are you?! Come out--you bad evil spirit...Come out...You need blood.'"

"You need blood."

"'I will give the blood!'"

"I will give the blood."

"'Where are you?'"

"Where are you?"

"'You come out of my body!'"

"You come out of my body."

"'What do you want?!'"

"What do you want?"

"'Everything--'"

"Everything..."

"'I'll give you!'"

"I will give you..."

"...Yes, very good. Take this one--hold it in your hand...So--now--I will start the meditation. Hold your shirt in front of you. You have to start...squeezing. And you have to say, 'Come out!' Tell me." He huffed and exhaled loudly three times.

"Come out."

He continued huffing and puffing. "'Come out of my body!'"

"Come out of my body."

"Yes--like that...I will start the meditation. OM Namo Veera Hanumantha. Pralaya Kala...Brim Hara...Shakati Mandakini. Kateri...Graha...Vegā Vegā. Shigra Shigra....Say--'Come out of my body!'"

"Come out of my body."

"'Come out of my body!...You bad evil spirit.'"

"You bad evil spirit."

"'Where are you?'"

"Where are you?"

"'You need my blood.'"

"You need my blood."

"'I will give you the blood!'"

"I will give you the blood."

"'Come out!'"

"Come out of my body." While you rubbed the shirt in between your hands, both the guru and the priest started chanting together. The guru stopped chanting and started breathing loudly and heavily, and then resumed chanting. At some point, he reminded you to puff air on the shirt as you rubbed it. After a while, the shirt started to feel really hot between your hands, and when you saw some sort of small flame or ember, you dropped the shirt on the floor and stood up.

Smoke--and for a moment what looked like a mouse or rat--seemed to come out of the shirt. Guru shouted, "KEEP IT HERE, GIVE IT HERE!..." as he tried to catch the spirit. "...LEAVE IT...UH-UHY!..." You heard what sounded like a mouse squeaking. He caught the spirit in the jar and covered it with the lid. "AY! One more...GET UP GET UP GET UP--Stand up!" They both started shouting in fear.

"Do you need help?" you asked.

The sounds of physical exertion, grunts and yelps. "...Hold on to me...Take this lime!....Jai Kalikamata....Hold it..."

You took the lime.

He exhaled loudly. "...Maheshwari. Jai Mata Kali....Sit, brother. Did you see the smell?!"

"Yeah."

"...Bad smell! It died so many years back! Brother, sit. Congratulations, brother--"

"Thanks."

"Brother--success, success!...Did you see!?"

"Yeah."

"How it was running! Not only one. Two evils I saw! One is male; the other's female. We caught the male. Do you know--the female ran away."

"Oh."

"How do you eat, brother?! How do you sleep, brother, everyday!? How is it possible you're alive, brother!?"

"Well I have chronic pain and sickness, sometimes."

"Today is your BIRTHDAY!...Do you know what it looked like!? It has a very big tongue, long long hairs...It's like--coming like this--AAH!--like this....So what we have to do--we have to send this jar, and we have to kill it, and we have to destroy it. It needed your blood! That's the reason it was sucking your private parts and your body! All these things, it was twisting...destroying. But you're very lucky--very lucky, brother!"

"Thanks."

"Today's your happiest today....I thought there's only one. When I saw--two!--the other one ran away. Two bad spirits!"

"So what will happen to the other one?"

"...First we have to kill this one--destroy it in India....After, we have to catch one more here, okay?...Don't worry--1000%--we will catch it--we will set it right. Okay, master?" he said to Yad. "Cut the lemon...put it here. "...Jai Kālī Kaadi. Om Kali Kaadi...Ram Hreem....Take this one--put it in your hand....Tell me, 'You bad evil spirit--!'"

"Uh, you bad evil spirit?"

"'Go and die in cemetery!'"

"Go and die in the cemetery."

"'You need my blood!'"

"You need my blood."

"'I will give the blood!'

"I will give the blood."

"'Get out of my body!'"

"Get out of my body."

"'Never come back in my life!'"

"Never come back into my life..."

"...Master? We need a pen and paper....What brother--what is this, brother?! What did you do, brother?!....This is a bad spirit! Did you see the field of bad smell?... Brother, so this one--first, uh--we have to destroy. We have to send it to a cemetery--and this one we have to kill--and we need a blade....We need to hire forty-eight masters...Forty-eight days..." he said as he wrote in pen.... "Each day...one animal sacrifice...one animal like a goat, sheep, buffalo, pig, hen, cock....After a few more days...another one we have to catch...."

"How will you catch the other one?" you asked.

"Another one also--in your mouth--I will catch it."

"Oh--it came back to me, I guess?"

"No--it won't come because...I will give you protection. Because it will come and attack--because this is male and female together, like husband and wife. So I broke them up...She is very angry now!....So that's why I have to give you protection right now...okay?"

"Oh okay."

"....Forty-eight days, so each day--one more animal...and five elements...in the five cemeteries, and in the ocean...We have to go to the ocean--and we have to do the meditation there. And we have to put a fire--you know--fire meditation, air meditation, water meditation, sea meditation, sky meditation--all five different places. Forty-eight masters--they can sit, and they will catch this one...to kill, and to destroy, and burn... The ashes--we have to collect, and we have to go to the cemetery, and we have to dig, and we have to bury it--in the cemetery. So these kinds of prayers--everything we have to do...it will cost money. Don't worry about money. In American dollars--eighteen thousand it will cost, but I know your situation no?--your situation financially, you have a problem, but that is not important!...I want to save my brother! I want to see you like a millionaire! You can see your marriage--you can see your children. You can see your wife--you can see your property....This is 100%!--I will promise you...This--I'm not giving you--I'm just showing you!"

"Oh okay."

"...So we would start immediately...this prayer....This one we cannot keep, because they're husband-wife...So now we broke them up!....I tried to catch it--it's run away. But it is outside now. It will try to come and give you trouble....Right, Master--I need a thread--to give protection for brother. Uh? Put it here....You tell me--'Mata?'"

"Mata?" you repeated after him.

"'Kali Mata.'"

"Kali Mata."

"'I am your son!'"

"I am your son."

"'I am tired in my life!'"

"I am tired in my life."

"'Now I want to get out of this problem!'"

"Now I want to get out of this problem."

"'Please bless me.'"

"Please bless me."

"'Whatever in my body--'"

"Whatever is in my body."

"'By the grace of Your grace--'"

"By the grace of Your grace."

"'It will come out.'"

"Will it to come out..."

"Tell me, 'There is one more.'"

"There is one more."

"'That will also be destroyed.'"

"That will also be destroyed."

"'You need the blood!'"

"You need the blood."

"'I'm giving the blood.'"

"I'm giving the blood."

"'Animal's blood.'"

"Animal's blood."

"'Please destroy these evils!'"

"Please destroy these evils."

"'Bless me!'"

"Bless me."

"'Whatever you need--'"

"Whatever you need..."

"'I will send you.'"

"I will send you."

"Good. So--now what we have to do, brother--so 48 days, 48 masters--so...each day...one animal will be sacrificed in the five elements, five oceans, in the five cemeteries. It will cost...$18,000....Don't care about the money. Money is not important--your life is important. Once I catch that one--another one--then you can see your real health...how your strength will come, how your energy will come, how your private parts, your health, your job, your money, your peace, your happiness, your strength will improve....And how you will become a millionaire--how you want to get properties....So like that kind of energy--by the grace of Mother will give you. We will support you brother. This is my promise, okay?"

"Thanks."

"...Right, brother. So now...we have to send this one to India... So how can you arrange that money, brother?"

"Uhm, well, how much do you need to start with?... Do you need the whole, the total--$18,000?"

"...If you can't give all of it at once--we'll make it like a one-part, two-part..."

"Two parts?"

"Mmh."

"Well I don't know if I can pay right away--"

"Uh."

"--but I will have to try--"

"Uhm."

"It might take a while for me to get--"

"Mmh."

"--the full amount...or half of it--might take a bit of time."

"...half at least; uh, what we have to do: They have to buy the animals....You can try at least 50%, you can give me, uh? Tomorrow--uh, today, how much you have, give me. And tomorrow--how much you have, give me. Like a two-part you make it. And remaining balance--you take your time, and you can pay. I believe you."

"But--I think I could, but not at this very moment. I don't know if I have--at this very moment--the..."

"At least today--how much--we have to start, no? I will call my grandfather--right in India--"

"Oh okay."

"--tell him everything--because, success or not--I want to tell YOU, my grandfather!...I have to tell, 'Master, please grandfather, you arrange the prayers. What do you need?' They have to gather the materials they have to buy. And they have to call all the masters....Today, at least, you have to arrange, like, a--uh, how much are you going to pay?"

"I don't know if I can pay today, but I could come--"

"Oh."

"--maybe next week, probably?"

"Next week is so late, brother."

"So in a few days?"

"...after catching it, we cannot delay. Today, can you try to give $1000...?"

"Okay."

"Okay? You can bring one thousand today. We can send it by Western Union. They will give the deposit. All the people, masters, and animals--they will bring them. I will call them..."

"What is the minimum you need today?"

"Today, how much can you arrange?"

"I'm not sure. I'd have to check...Should I look right now?"

"Yes, please..."

"Okay."

"...Kali Mata...Your son--he came to your feet! So you have to bless him! 'You have to give me peace! You have to give me--success! You have to give me strength.' You have to help him to get married, help him to beget children, help him to get property, help him to get success, help him to get a good job, help him to get a good business, help him to get a long LIFE, good happiness, relationship...Kali! Bless him!....Kleem. Sacrifice....If you pay in advance, they will send--they will give the animals. After I will call Grandfather--tell him to start one by one. Today they have to sacrifice one animal. Tomorrow--one. Day after tomorrow--one....Narayana Govinda...Om Kali..." He rang the bell. "...How much can you...?"

"Well at the moment in my checking account, I have, uh, fifteen hundred."

"$1500..."

"$1526."

"Oh, okay. 1500--you give me."

"Okay."

"We will start a prayer immediately, okay? And afterwards...tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, you can try--bit by bit, uh, you can finish it."

"Okay."

"First at least 50%--nine thousand--give me. Nine thousand--then you take time, uh, like, installments, you gimme."

"So when will you need the...nine thousand...?"

"...first you can uh, pay like this--you take your time. Like--"

"Okay."

"--tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, and after three days--like this...I know your situation brother...I'm telling you: You are my brother...Because I don't want even a single penny....Once I finish the prayer...another one I'll catch. Once you see the result--once you're happy--then you gimme a good gift for me, master, okay? This is my promise..."

"So I think I might need the--the information again for, uh--"

The priest told you his email again.

Guru said, "...We will start immediately prayer. OHM...Bhumi Putra... Rhinaharta...sanoh Mahakaya. Sarva Karma... Angarakaya...Bhargava, Bhaktambar...Vinaashaaya... Shakini Dakini... Ghora Ghora..."

It took a while, but you managed to complete the e-Transfer with Adnan's help. You ultimately decided to send $1100 this time because you still had student loan to pay, and you wanted to make sure there was at least $4oo left for one month. You had already paid the exorcists $1750 the previous week, making a total of $2850. The guru tied a protective string or Aranjanam around your waist. You felt lighter after the ritual, and the guru told you not to tell anyone about it. It even seemed like your pain had decreased significantly or completely vanished, at least temporarily. Nevertheless, you dreaded your mother's reaction. "I was just wondering, like, uh, sometimes my mom kind of gets upset with me."

"Uh, yeah, because she loves you, she likes you...Because of this evil, she's--sometimes she's angry, she's not happy with you."

"She kind of overreacts if I spend money, so I was wondering if you have any advice?"

"My advice--you don't need to discuss with mommy...After a few more weeks, everyone will be happy...then you can share."

"...When is the latest you'd need the rest of the money?"

"Try tomorrow and after tomorrow...Send it part by part...You can pay like $1000...or whatever you can earn....Just you have to send me....I'm happy because we succeeded...You know, for some people--it takes so many days, so many months, so many YEARS, sometimes it takes to catch....If you can take a loan or borrow somewhere--whatever it is--some money you can try to take, and you can send it.....At any cost, don't remove this one," he said regarding the string.

Afterwards, you bought takeout from Taco Bell and ate most of it on the way to work.

The next day you discovered that your job performance, efficiency and competence weren't up to standard, so you decided to run away and never return. Your bank account was almost completely empty.

One week later, you consumed a vegan chocolate with Orissa India Cubensis. Your chest felt constricted, as if some unnaturally giant spider were pinning you down. You asked your mother to help you disentangle the string around your waist. After she removed the string, you could smell smoke--as if something were burning. After taking CBD and Benadryl, you fell asleep. At 3am, you woke up to loud barking and the blood-curdling scream of a man in mortal agony. Your mother looked outside the window and you both watched as a body bag was being carried by the government's teeth.

Barefooted, you ran outside until you reached Adnan's door: THE DEAD SOUL OF AYN RAND HAS HAUNTED THIS HOUSE AND MADE IT UNINHABITABLE. IF YOU NEED HELP, COME TO THE ABANDONED CABIN, the sign read. Everyone knew about the abandoned cabin since it had been the talk of the town for ages. You ran, hearing what sounded like a giant spider following you. When you finally got there, the cabin's wooden door had already collapsed. You shouted--"Kill me!"

The TV was playing.

"Someone wanted to kill Him, but His bodyguard shot the would-be assassin dead," the fearsome goddess Kali greeted you from the couch.