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The Best Bad Horror Films

That You Haven't Seen

By Clayton "Yeti" EdwardsPublished 6 years ago 6 min read
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Original photo Sebastian Dooris, (public domain)

Most horror fans I know have movies that they absolutely love and have no qualms admitting that they are over the top and cheesy. I personally think movies that are so bad that they’re good should have their own category when browsing on Netflix; sometimes the mood calls for something, cheesy, gory, and possibly packed with partial nudity. As a long-time fan of the genre and horror film reviewer I’ve seen some great films, some unwatchable wastes of time, and some amazingly bad pieces of cinema. It only takes a quick Google search to see lists upon lists of bad horror movies, so I know this isn’t an original idea nor is it, by any means, a comprehensive list. We all know about Troll, Sharknado, and Birdemic but I’m going to try to dig a little deeper and show you some of my favorites that never seem to make those lists. It doesn’t matter to me if the cheese is intentional or not, it is still present in all of these films and in large amounts. Ladies and gents, I give you four of the best bad horror films you (probably) haven’t seen.

The Eden Wildlife Zoo houses endangered animals, so when a deadly virus breaks out and kills one of the monkeys, the vets will do anything it takes to save the animals. This includes using an unauthorized medicine to revive a dead monkey. As we all know, deadly viruses and resurrection can lead to only one thing: zombies. The tiny cute monkeys turn into cute bloodthirsty zombie monkeys, kill some vets and start spreading the virus around. To make matters worse, it is the day for intern orientation so there are a bunch of innocent college kids on hand to serve as fodder for things like zombie giraffes, birds, and even an undead gorilla.

What can I say about this movie that I haven’t said about others on the list, really? Sure the acting is wooden and the digital effects are just god awful and you’ll find many of the same things here that you would in any bad horror film but it’s the little things that make this one so great. For example, the monkeys are only CG until they attack. “What do they become, then,” you might ask, “surely they don’t use actual animals for the attacks!” Of course not. They use stuffed animals. That’s right. You get to watch grown people wrestle with stuffed monkeys and it is glorious. Also, did I mention there are zombie giraffes? Were it not for those little touches this would be the worst film I’ve watched in a long time, but man eating giraffes and stuffed animal wrestling pushed it over line from horrible to horribly enjoyable.

Axe Giant is like the fine wine of bad horror movies. The cast is packed with almost as many tropes and clichés as the plot. The film opens up with a bunch of juvenile delinquent tropes, a caring social worker trope, and the most cliché asshole cop in cinematic history meeting to go up into the high country of Minnesota to rough it as part of a "first offenders program." What could go wrong?

When Angsty Rebellious Teen Trope and Token Black Kid/Tech Wiz Trope find and desecrate the remains of Babe the Blue Ox, Paul Bunyan comes out of his cave to get revenge. The stories had it all wrong, apparently. Paul is still alive, hideously deformed, has the mind of a child, and is comprised of some of the worst CGI you'll see this side of bootleg African action movies and some pretty decent practical effects. As usual, Guy Who Everyone Thinks is Crazy is the only one who knows what the hell is actually going on; he tells the true story of Paul Bunyan around a crackling fire in probably the best bit of exposition since the dawn of time.

The CGI isn't just used for the giant Lumberjack, though, it's everywhere. All the blood, gore, a car wreck, and even some of the scenery is digitally created with the same level of skill and attention to detail. It really shines in the climax of the film, though. We are treated to guns with CG muzzle flashes and what sounds like a gunshot soundboard app.

If, after reading that description, you are thinking to yourself, “That movie sounds like a real dumpster fire,” you wouldn’t be wrong. It’s a beautiful dumpster fire that will keep you warm on cold boring nights.

Zombeavers has all the ingredients of a bad horror movie. There's careless guys causing a chemical spill; creepy neighbors; college kids that are dumb, drunk, and horny; oh and mutated zombie beavers. The beavers are pretty much evil Muppets that bleed bad CGI. Somehow the mutation process makes the beavers master tacticians and they end up cutting phone lines, blocking roads, knocking out electricity, and burning down a cabin. Those are some damned impressive beavers, I tell you! When attacked by these Jim Henson creatures gone wrong, the victims turn not only into zombies but actual human-sized zombie beavers with a lust for human flesh. That’s right. They get the teeth, tail, and claws; it’s the full beaver Monty.

The film tries to distract you from the bad digital effects and worse acting with some hilariously loud sex, a ton of partial nudity, and all the beaver puns you can shake a chewed up stick at but the smell of cheese still wafts through. Be that as it may, I can’t deny that Zombeavers is a dam fun watch.

If Axe Giant is the fine wine of bad movies, Evil Bong is the Grand Daddy Purp.

Straight laced geek Alistair answers an ad to rent a room and ends up getting some room on the floor of a pothead crash pad complete with three burned out roomies. Alistair’s lack of vices and well-mannered behavior is the perfect foil for the trio of reefer enthusiasts. One of the roomates finds an ad in High Times for a bong that guarantees amazing highs but warns of bad side effects and has to have it.

It turns out that the bong is inhabited by a malevolent spirit that wants to take the souls of those who are unlucky enough to smoke from her. She pulls their souls out through what looks like reverse bong hits and sends them to a heavy metal strip club staffed by ladies wearing bras that have a hunger for human flesh. The more souls she takes, the stronger she gets. The bong ends up taking everyone but Alistair, including his crush Janet. In the end, Alistair must take a fat bong hit to save the day and get the girl. Not all heroes wear capes.

Sure the plot is cheesy and the effects are no better but it’s the details that set this one apart. For instance, there are random segues between scenes that remind me of The Big Bang Theory if it were created by high school potheads. There’s also a scene where the guys are sitting down and having some beers and on first glance it looks like there are orange sticky notes over the logo on the can but on closer inspection it can be seen that they are digitally inserted blocks to cover the name brand. When it comes down to it this is a great movie to watch even if you’re not partaking of the devil’s lettuce, but as a wise man once said, “It would be a lot cooler if you did.”

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About the Creator

Clayton "Yeti" Edwards

Tennessee based writer of short stories, movie reviews, and other such things.

Regional representative for Tnhorror.com

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