The Apparition

My name is Brent Johnson. But off course I had already told you that before. I have just finished my shift at the abattoirs, and I am on my way home. As I was driving home from work, I thought to myself “Things didn’t seem like they could get any worse. Despite all my efforts it seemed like Rose kept drifting further and further away from me.” I was so confused because she said that she wanted to be with us and make it work. She said she had been getting help. Yet she always seems so angry with me. At least she is giving Kim attention. My mind usually wondered like this on the way home. Over the last couple weeks Rose had been acting very strange. Maybe I am overthinking it. After all she had run off before and stated that she wanted to make things work. She said that she was getting help to address post-natal depression. But in the time, I have been here; she has not had a single appointment. I really should bring that up to her but anytime I try to bring up an issue she gets upset and starts getting emotional.

The two boys where straight ahead in the living room. They were watching their favorite TV shows. I said hello to the boys and got a low-key grunt. I asked how their day at school was and I got the usual reply of fine. Rose was in the kitchen. As I entered the through the door, I greeted Rose. She turned and greeted me back. She lately hasn’t been one for talking too much me. She is usually short and to the point. She told me her Mum was going to be online to speak to her tonight. This was a usual occurrence for her at night. I stepped forward to try and give her a hug, but she immediately turned to the refrigerator and said she was busy. I simply said okay and made my way out. As I made my way out the door towards Kim’s room my mind began to wonder. What could I have done that has made Rose so cold to me? All I wanted was to be loved and wanted. To feel needed. Is that too much to ask for? She won’t kiss me or hug me. And forget about touching me. I just want to feel loved. As I approached the door, I could hear Kim moving around in the crib and making her little cooing noises.

I picked her up from the crib and laid her down on the baby change table. She had on a white one-piece clothing that had buttons that ran from the left ankle all the way up to the collar bone. I began to unbutton the baby suit she was wearing to check her nappy. Kim had a habit of developing a rash if left for too long. I had changed her nappy and buttoned her back up. I cradled her in my arms and use my right index finger to hold her hand. I asked her if she was hungry, knowing I already planned to feed her a bottle. As this was part of my routine every day. I walked her into the Kitchen and held her in one arm and I started so preparing a bottle for her. I had checked the sanitiser that was sitting on top of the microwave. They were still hot, so they would have just been done. I grabbed the bottle, the teat, and the top and walked over the formula tin and placed the one scoop in the bottle. I put warm water in with the formula. I pulled the teat through the top and screwed it on to the bottle. I placed my finger on the tip and gave it is good shake to mix it all up.

As I did this Rose was preparing dinner. Rose turned and gave a smile to Kim. Rose took the bottle from my hand and tested it on her wrist to make sure it was not too hot. She nodded and gave it back to me with a look of approval. She put her right hand on Kim’s head and ran her thumb over her eyebrow. Rose then looked up at me. Rose said “She didn’t drink much of her bottle before. That was 3 hours ago” I replied “Okay, I will try to get her to finish this one.” Rose stated, “Don’t force it but just bear in mind she may be thirsty.” I said “All good, I will take my time. Why didn’t she drink much before?” Rose replied “I don’t really know. She kept staring the corner giggling.” I responded with “Strange. Maybe there was a bird or something she could see. I will take her into her room and feed her.” I moved out of the kitchen and down the hallway to Kim’s room. On the way I closed the door to our bedroom. I proceeded to give Kim her bottle, Afterwards I had started to rock her to sleep. Once she fell asleep I placed her in the crib and let her get rest.

After almost an hour Rose had finished dinner. I don’t know why she insisted on cooking all the time. I enjoy cooking. But she insisted on cooking and always wanted no distractions in the kitchen if possible. Which I took to not wanted me to help her. But if it made her happy to cook, I didn’t feel like it was my place to say no. Rose hollered out for us to all come and grab some food. She had made spaghetti with garlic bread. Rose had made a plate for the boys. I made a plate for Rose and Myself. We all sat around the small round table. No one spoke at first while eating. I asked Rose how her day went. She said it went by fast. But it was good. I asked the kids how their day went. The both responded with the usual answers. The remainder of the time at the table was quiet. No words spoken. Just the scrapping of forks to plates. After dinner the boys were told to get ready for bed. I had grabbed a slice of chocolate cake from the fridge and treated myself as Rose had gone to have a shower.

While Rose was having a shower, I started to clean up after dinner. I had tucked the boys into bed and all that needed to be done was do clean the dishes. As I was clearing the table and doing the dishes I could hear Rose finishing up in the shower. I was half expecting her to come in soon and help. But I was able to do all the cleaning and clearing on my own. I had sanitized the bottles that had been used for the day. I also prepared a bottle for Kim should she wake in the morning. I made myself a cup of tea. I sat at the table and drank the cup of tea while trying to make a phone call through to my mother on my mobile phone. But no one had answered. I finished my tea and rinsed the cup and placed in the metal strainer. As I made my way out of the kitchen, I saw Rose coming down the hallway from bedroom. I stopped in my tracks. I could not believe what I was seeing. Rose was dressed so erotically. She had on see through black lingerie. Her hair was curled, and she had on red lip stick and eye liner. She walked up to me and I told her she looked amazing. She said thank you and then said she got changed to speak to her mother online. I knew this was lie. It wasn’t the first time. She had done it twice before. But I didn’t know what she was doing. Or more honestly, a part of me really didn’t want to know. I told her okay. I said that I was going to have a cigarette and head to bed. She said goodnight and closed the wooden sliding door to the lounge room. This hardly made the room soundproof. I made my way outside the front door for my cigarette.

I sat outside on the patio with my cigarette in hand. Think about everything that was happening around me. About the choices I made. I made so many bad ones. All for this quest to find love. My need to find my soul mate. I tried to think back to when I felt loved. And I remembered back to when I first came to Australia. How happy she was. How she loved to spend time with me. Now she doesn’t seem to be the same person. She seems to unhappy all the time. I can’t even get her to look at me. At least I have Kim. She loves me. She needs me around. But my mind kept wandering back to my deepest desire. I want someone to love me as much as I love them. I would give anything to find a soul mate. To feel loved. I wanted to know that I am everything to someone. Is that too much to ask? Why can’t I be good enough? I would give anything for this heart ache to stop.

I put out my cigarette and went inside. I could hear Rose speaking from the lounge room. I heard Rose say, “You like it do you.” My heart sank. I then heard her say, “I don’t know what to do. I just got her back and I can’t risk losing her again.” My mind knew I was used but I couldn’t accept it. I then heard her say, “I think he has come inside.” I could not bear to hear anything more of her conversation. I decided I would just go to bed. I walked down the hall to the bedroom and opened the door. And I was taken by surprise.

I opened the door and on the bed in front of me a woman is shades of grey, black, and white. I don’t know who she is or how she got here. She lay on my side of the bed with her back against the wall. She wore a black ballroom dress with the slit down the side of the leg. She had long straight black hair. She looked to be roughly about 6-foot-tall judging from her positioning on the queen bed. Her skin was porcelain white. Her hair seems as though it was wet. I couldn’t help but think she was perfect. Everything about her was perfection. Her face, her lips, her eyes, her legs, her bust, everything about her was perfect. She was like an angel. There was no way she was human. I didn’t know what she was. I just knew she wasn’t meant to be there. I should have been terrified. But strangely enough I felt a strange calm. She looked me deep in the eyes. Then she nodded her head. As she smiled at me, I closed my eyes because there was no way this was real. When I opened them, she was gone! Who or what was she?

I don’t know where she went. I wasn’t scared. I was just intrigued by this event. I got changed and laid down in bed. I knew I had work in the morning. Working at the abattoirs had me getting up early. Long before anyone else would think of getting out of bed. As I lay in bed, I couldn’t help but wonder what had just happened. Am I seeing things? Why did I see her? If she is real, why is she coming to me? I was confused about so many things now. I closed my eyes and I couldn’t get the image of this woman out of my head.