Summer's End

BEEP! With a sudden jolt, I am brought back to reality. The light must have turned green. I look into my review mirror to see an angry man with an extended middle finger mouthing some curses my way. Lovely. Slowly, I draw a deep breath in and slowly release it. Lightly I press down on the gas pedal and begin to ease onward.

Summer is coming to an end. The sky radiates a brilliant neon orange and pink sunset. I have never cared for living in the Midwest, but you can’t beat the sunsets here. There is a small crisp feel in the air. Yes, fall is definitely coming. It makes my heart race even faster. My heart already feels like a jackhammer. I swear that I can hear its arrhythmic beat in my ears. My whole body is shaking.

“Come on, Summer. Keep it together,” I quietly murmur to myself.

My mind is made up. I'm tired of holding myself back. I have tried to run, but I just can’t escape these feelings. A twinge of guilt nabs in my gut. This time, I move on and ignore it. I can’t fight this anymore, and even if I could, I no longer want to.

I see him in my mind’s eye. He’s perfect. He’s tall with blonde spiked hair, a strong build, sparkling blue eyes, with a mischievous smile. He is intimidating in a smug, but sexy kind of way. He reeks of confidence. I don’t feel adequate in his presence, but I sure do like the way he looks at me. When I met him for the first time, I swear the whole world stopped. It was surreal, and I could feel him, and he could feel me. We never spoke about it, but I knew it was true. I could just feel it in my gut.

Then, I see my husband; my best friend. Ugh! What am I doing? We have been through so much. I never stopped loving him. I still love him. Another wave of guilt floods over my body and I feel sick to my stomach.

How in the world did this happen? When did my life become this way: staying after work hours, lying about my whereabouts, hiding my texts, emails, and calls? Somewhere down the line, I guess I lost myself to being a wife and mom. I no longer feel like myself. The old Summer would have never of done this. The old summer would ridicule this new Summer's behavior. Oh, the old Summer. She was holier-than-thou. "Well, I guess that’s no longer a thing," I think to myself.

The motel is just up ahead. No turning back now. I flip on my signal and merge into the turn lane. Cautiously, I glance around my surroundings as I say a silent prayer that no one who knows me will see me here. To my relief, the motel is mostly vacant. Again, I release a sigh and creep toward the back of the shady-looking, run-down building.

Shakily, I grab the gear and shift my little Volkswagen into park. The silence is a welcomed relief. I have been trapped in my head for the past few weeks. I just sit and soak it in for a few precious moments. Looking inside the review mirror, I carefully scan over my reflection. Shoulder-length brown hair, olive skin,, and piercing green eyes pear back me. Alright, it's time; the point of no return.

I grab my wallet lanyard and place it around my neck, swing the door open, and climb out. With a small screech, the driver’s door shuts. Like a deer in the woods during hunting season, I slowly take in my surroundings. Every little sound from the rustling of the leaves on the trees to the traffic passing by make my heart spike again and again and again. Then I see it. His car. He’s here.

I grab for my phone in my blue-jean pocket and quickly dial my husband’s number. Okay, Summer, just act natural.

One ring… Two rings… Three rings…

“This is Paul. Please leave a message, and I'll get back to ya.”

That's strange. He almost always answers his phone. Oh my gosh! He knows! Panic sets in. "Good grief, Summer! Pull yourself together," I think to myself.

I take another deep breath in trying my best to slow my heart rate down.

“Hey Paul. I am so sorry. I have to work over again tonight. I'll be home as soon as I can... I love you.”

I end the call and take a step forward to room 15. I don’t know what makes me look, but I stare at my phone. My phone's wallpaper is a picture of a family. Not just any family, but my family; a beautiful family. We’re at the beach and we’re all smiling. Such a happy memory. There's my sweet baby boy and my sweet baby girl. There's my loving, trusting husband with his arms wrapped around the kids and I. Tears sting my eyes.

“I can’t do this,” I say in a whisper.

With my head hung down to the ground I make my way again to room 15. Lightly I tap on the door, and with a tremoring voice, I call out “Michael?”

I hear shuffling, but there’s no answer.

“Michael, I am so, so sorry. I can’t. I just can't do this. I'm so sorry.”

…Silence...

This time it’s unwelcomed and unsettling. I can’t rid this pang of guilt and regret caped in my gut. The worst part? I did this to myself. I chose this.

“Michael, I am sorry. You have no idea…”

Then, with a loud creak the door opens up to show a bare, clean room. The only thing that’s out of place is an open bottle of Jack sitting on the television stand.

“Michael?" I whisper hardly audible as I step into the open room. “Michael?”

The door slammed shut and I nearly jump out of my skin. My heart spikes. I spin quickly to see an unkempt woman. Her eyes are sunken in and full of sorrow. She looks exhausted and aged beyond her true years.

“I'm…I'm sorry. I... I think I have got the wrong room.”

"I swear he said room 15," I frantically think to myself.

Her sad eyes observe mine, and her mouth is pressed in a frown. I go to leave when she breaks the silence with a weak voice., "Michael's not here.”

“What?”

In a much louder voice she repeats herself, “Michael's not here."

The anger in her voice sparked fear within me. Before I could add a word in she continued; the sadness in her eyes turning to rage.

“He’s not here, and thanks to you, I will never see him again. Do you know who I am?”

I stood there stunned. Again, she raised her voice, “Do you know who I am?!”

“I....”

“I'm Michael's wife. His wife! Who do you think you are?”

“Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I didn’t mean to. I...:

“Don’t! Just don’t! Don't tell me you're sorry! That's shit, you home-wrecking little tramp!”

My cheeks were now burning with shame and tears streamed down my face. So much guilt, shame, and pain with no foreseen escape. My breathing quickened. I locked eyes with her one last time. "You're right. You're absolutely right! There are no words to tell you how sorry I am."

And then it hits me, ”Where's Michael," I ask desperately,

Before she can answer there's a rustling behind the closed bathroom door that snags my attention. Michael’s wife swiftly steps in front of me blocking any chance I have to escape.

“Oh, and Paul, he knows everything, Sweetheart. He’s seen all the emails, and all the texts. Even some pictures..”

Oh no! My heart sinks further into my stomach. Then my whole world stops as I realize my fate. A small knife is pressed into the palm of her hand.

A minicanal smile crosses her face that sends shivers down my spine.

“They will never find Michael, and they will never find you. Good bye, Summer.”

“No! Please!” I try to plea, but her mind is made up, and there is no reasoning with her now. Her eyes lose all emotion as she lunges forward and coldly plunges the knife into my body. Shaking and shocked I lose all sensation and tumble to the ground.

Before my world loses all its color, I hear a familiar voice. A man’s voice. Paul! I'm saved!

Paul gets on his knees beside me. I try my best to reach my hand for his. “Paul…” I sigh.

To my relief, he reaches out and grabs my hand and plants a gentle kiss on it. “Sh. There, there, Summer. It will all be over soon."

My eyes widen in surprise and then my world goes completely dark as he presses the knife further into my punctured body.

His voice sounds so far away. "Goodbye, Summer. Goodbye."

At last, I am free from all the guilt, the shame, and the pain as I draw in my final breath and just drift away.

BEEP! With a sudden jolt, I am brought back to reality. The light must have turned green. I look into my review mirror to see an angry man with an extended middle finger mouthing some curses my way. Lovely. I mouth a silent apology. Sometimes I get lost in my own little fantasy world. Slowly, I draw a deep breath in and slowly release it. Lightly I press down on the gas pedal and begin to ease onward. I am startled by my phone ringing and quickly pick it up.

“Hello? Hey Paul! I am on my way home. It’s been a crazy day today. We hired a new guy named Michael. Yeah, I can feel the chill in the air, too... Summer's coming to an end."