Strange Places

The television always turned on by itself every day at ten o’clock at night. Right when Billy grew sleepy, right when his parents would be in the other room discussing their day.

He was vaguely aware how odd it was that they never came by, not once, to check on him when this happened—but he was only three, so properly questioning it was a bit beyond his mental abilities most days.

“Hello, and welcome to Strange Places with the Unlearned Scholar,” the television chimed, and then, after the faint sound of clicking echoed out through the room, the television flickered on with a blue light.

Billy would sit up right then, almost rigid, as if strings pulled him up and kept him there, hovering at attention.

“Are you ready to see all the new and great places?” the man on the screen would say. Only, of course, he was not a man. Not really. He moved somewhat like a man and had the same basic shape, but his mouth was across his whole lower face, and he had nothing else on that face. It would appear cartoonish, if not for the flat chomping teeth and the too large tongue in the back of his throat.

Billy, still tight and bound, would nod his head. And the television narrator would nod for a long moment. Up and down his head would bob, and his hands came up toward the edge of the screen—subtly creeping up to the limits of the frame.

“Awesome!” the Unlearned Scholar said now, and he gestured to a large screen behind him. A screen within a screen. And, like it did every day, it would show his own figure doing the same, making a mirror going on forever.

“Oops, that’s a strange place all the way, I’m sure. But, I think, upon further reflection...”

He raised the section of his head that would have an eyebrow on it, only succeeding in folding up the skin.

Billy smiled, and could not stop smiling. His gums—in small slits—bled down all over his lips and chin. His shirt too, but only in tiny, easy to wash out, drops.

“I want to see,” Billy said, and the narrator on the screen paused again for a long second. Like the echo of a hundred different children needed to reach the Unlearned Scholar for him to move or respond.

“OK, cool. Then let’s look at our strange place.”

Billy nodded, and behind him came the calm and dulcet tones of his parents going about their day. It was such a quiet sound though. Almost as if he too were in a box, somewhere far away.

“I’m glad to say that this time we are going to a favorite place of mine. A place where the people roam in boxes and eat food that is dead. Sound impossible? Well, let’s look at our recording.”

The screen warped a few times, gold and then red and then some kind of deep vomit green before showing the outside of a house. The door was subtly open, and the camera moved to enter.

In the studio, the Unlearned Scholar clapped his hands together and smiled. He had twice the number of teeth that one would expect of a human. Though, again, he was not human.

“This is a special one, you see. So much...so much good. I think all of you have been somewhere like this, but I would have to say that it is still strange. It is not like the household you live in, not at all. Like all our strange places, this one does have something about it that makes it unnormal.”

Billy noticed the sound of his parents, or lack thereof: the clicking and the motion and the soft voices all fading away to nothing. Gone was it like a flame blown out, the smoke scattered on the wind.

Billy could not help but cough, even as his chest was already tight. Something pressed on his stomach and squeezed. Salty tears came down his face.

Whatever force was holding him let go, and he plopped onto the carpet. Out of the corner of his eye, he could swear some small thing scurried away. Something bright blue and covered in small silver eyes.

The first thing he did was take a step toward his parents, only for the voice on the television to come out distorted and menacing.

“This is a show, you see, and we want no one hurt or scared, but this is truly the strangest one we’ve seen yet. Look at them, how did they get this way?”

Billy took another step, his feet in some quicksand that could only be felt, not seen.

“I said, I wonder how they got this way? Any guesses?”

Billy turned and glimpsed the image and only tried harder to shove himself into the kitchen to get to his parents.

On the screen, in the smaller screen, the Unlearned Scholar stood next to two slumped over figures with bags over their heads. He rubbed his hands and mugged to the camera.

“So, here’s the deal, my friends. In the seats, we have one who did not want to pay the rent because he’s been taking trips to a strip club. And the woman here has been cheating...with ten different women! Fabulous prizes, I’m sure, but under one roof? Now that’s strange.”

Billy struggled all the harder, unsure of the meaning of most of the words he was hearing. But his feet moved as if weighed down by lead and encased in chains.

“Oh, and I hear those of you who don’t think that’s strange, I got to tell you men and women and children, you are living in a weird world.”

With a flourish and a rush of fabric, the Unlearned Scholar pulled off the sack. He smiled wide, and Billy did not dare to see who was underneath those coverings. He did not want to be right.

The parents, the ones underneath the cloth, made noises of protest. Garbled screams against mouth gags.

“Ah, now, what are we going to do with them now? What do you say? What should we do about this weird and wild place?”

Billy had answered these questions before for other weird places.

“Oh, I hear you loud and clear,” the Unlearned Scholar said, and wrung his hands. “This is going to make such a mess. I wonder who will clean it up later. Oh well, this is show business, after all. So... say it with me!”

Billy, with one final tug, broke free of the binds and burst into the kitchen, his breath ragged.

“Mommy?” he asked and looked at two startled faces.

“Billy, are you OK?” his mother said, blue eyes wide in alarm. “Is something wrong? Is there something going on?”

“Are you...OK?” Billy asked.

“Of course we are, sweetie,” she said, and his father nodded along.

“Yeah, we’re fine,” his father said.

In the background, from the other room, came a faint but distinct ripping sound. Echoing along and eventually stopping with several slow, pathetic whines.

“Oh...OK,” Billy said, his eyes wet. “I got scared.”

His mother frowned and picked him up off the floor.

“I got so scared,” he said. “I got so...it was scary.”

The father just stared off into the distance, then swiveled his head slowly to his son. “Oh...I understand. What was so scary? Can you tell me? It’s OK now.”

“The...show...”

“Oh, was it a horror show? You’re a little too young to watch those.”

Billy could not help but sob a bit more before he ended off with a sniffle. “It was this kid show called Strange Places. He goes to strange places and then does strange things. And I thought...I thought that we lived in a strange place.”

“Oh, not to worry Billy. Not at all to worry. We don’t live in a strange place.”

“I know that...” Billy mumbled and raised his head. “But it still scared me a lot.”

His father, his voice stilted, said, “The Untaught would never...”

“Unlearned,” his mom corrected and turned her attention back to Billy. Who only frowned.

“Yeah, he would never come here. We are totally normal,” his mother said. “Completely normal.”

Billy remained quiet, and she placed him down on the floor. “Are you feeling better now, Billy?”

“I guess...”

“Oh, good, then you should get back to your show. I bet the episode is getting good.”

Billy took a step that way, toward the glowing television, but turned back and arched up an eyebrow. For a moment, he looked a lot older than he had before.

“Have you seen the show?”

“Every episode,” both parents said at the same time. They held up their phones as if that would answer the obvious next question. “We have seen all of it. Every adult has. So, go be a grown-up and watch.”

Billy did what they asked. Taking each step with the sensation of their eyes on his back. He shivered, feeling sick to his stomach. And, as soon as he entered the room, he glanced at the screen slick with red, and the puppet strings came and took root in his limbs.

“Did you know that every day we manage to find a new weird place? It’s so impressive, don’t you think?” the Scholar said. “We record so much of these, and yet we can always find more.”

He smiled again, right at the screen, his hands now touching through the glass, but only the tip of his fingers.

“Because, after all, kids, the world is full of strange things, if only you bother to look hard.”

Billy had to agree.